- Moderator
- #13
Sideways
VIP Member
It sounds to me like the dynamic between your mum and sister isn’t one that you’re going to be able to influence, and that trying to insert yourself into that dynamic is potentially going to just cause more issues for you.
It also makes sense that seeing this happen would be a trigger for you.
For me? Sometimes it’s a simple case of “being here/watching this is unhelpful for me”. So I walk away. That’s often the extent of our control.
Doesn’t need to be dramatic. Just, “I need to be somewhere else for a moment.”
Taking back that control, even though it seems small? Can be incredibly powerful. Simply removing yourself from a situation you find distressing is taking care of yourself. It’s giving yourself some compassion in the moment.
Walking away from a situation doesn’t need to be a big deal. Deciding to go use the bathroom can sometimes be enough to break the trigger, and bring the distress levels down.
Having witnessed this, and disected the impact it had on you is really handy information to have. You now know: this is something that might go on when I’m woth these 2 people, and it’s not something I want to be around in the future. That gives you a tonne of choices as to how to manage yourself and your own distress in the future.
We can’t fix all the issues in the relationships around us. But we can always choose what we do ourselves. And you can choose not to stand there and bear witness to something that distresses you. That’s absolutely okay. Because your number 1 priority in this situation is you.
It also makes sense that seeing this happen would be a trigger for you.
For me? Sometimes it’s a simple case of “being here/watching this is unhelpful for me”. So I walk away. That’s often the extent of our control.
Doesn’t need to be dramatic. Just, “I need to be somewhere else for a moment.”
Taking back that control, even though it seems small? Can be incredibly powerful. Simply removing yourself from a situation you find distressing is taking care of yourself. It’s giving yourself some compassion in the moment.
Walking away from a situation doesn’t need to be a big deal. Deciding to go use the bathroom can sometimes be enough to break the trigger, and bring the distress levels down.
Having witnessed this, and disected the impact it had on you is really handy information to have. You now know: this is something that might go on when I’m woth these 2 people, and it’s not something I want to be around in the future. That gives you a tonne of choices as to how to manage yourself and your own distress in the future.
We can’t fix all the issues in the relationships around us. But we can always choose what we do ourselves. And you can choose not to stand there and bear witness to something that distresses you. That’s absolutely okay. Because your number 1 priority in this situation is you.
