Relationship Any Insight Welcome - Trust Issues

[Sadcat]

I am desperately trying to understand my boyfriend and I'm hoping someone can provide insight. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I love him very much but he has severe trust issues. He served 4 tours over in Iraq and Afghanistan, he suffers from PTSD and had a traumatic brain injury. He constantly thinks I'm cheating on him. If I get a text or if I get a call (even if it's a work call) he'll make comments that I am leading a double life and I don't want to be in the relationship. He will have major outburst calling me extremely mean things. This is the only thing we ever argue about and it's killing me. He makes up facts in his head that he truly believes are real and they couldn't be further from the truth. I work with men (and women) but he doesn't even want me to talk to the men for work purposes because he says it's only because I want their attention.

I've been a single mom for my daughter's whole life (13 years) and he is the first guy I've ever let in her life. She adores him! I just don't know what to do or say to show him that I am not cheating on him nor do I have any desire to do so. I have a guilt complex when I do anything wrong so it's impossible for me to cheat on him.

Any help would be so appreciated!

 

[ibgrace]

Be honest with him on how he is making you feel...There are some things within reason to give up during a relationship..Those mainly being anything you wouldn't want him doing..Other than that keep your life the way it is.Don't allow him to dictate what you can and can't do if what your doing is innocent,,The main key to this is communication and remind him when he is calling you names that hurt your feelings

 

[Snowflakes]

@Sadcat I truly understand what you're going through. In my case, I live through this constantly. My sufferer has severe trust issues. At first I defended myself, then I got angry and frustrated, then I learned to let go. I set boundaries on how I should be treated because nothing I would say or do would be able to keep that trust demon out of her head. So I learned to walk away when wrongly and unfairly accused of cheating.

Since he is a combat veteran with a PTSD diagnosis, you can reasonably expect him to go to therapy. The VA will treat him but he must go. He is also eligible to use the Vet Centers.

If you want to stay with him and support him, then you should consider therapy yourself.....not because something is wrong with you but rather to learn coping skills. You will become a basket case rather quickly without these skills.

At the top of this forum are video series on the Military and PTSD. They are actually very good and will help you. Read all our stories here so you'll see what to expect and keep asking questions. We will support you the best we can.

Within limits, PTSD is not an excuse to mistreat you. By that, I mean, you'll need to determine if his trust issues are based from his PTSD trauma, jealousy issues that he may have, or a combination of both.

Support your boyfriend if that is your choice but take care of you and your daughter first. I know the road you're going down.....I've been on it for 10 years and it is solely a trust issue based from her CPTSD trauma.

 

[nursenurse]

Those kinds of trust issues are not necessarily PTSD. Remember that your daughter is watching and learning. The kind of treatment you accept for yourself is the kind of treatment she will accept as normal for herself when she grows up. Telling you who you can talk to at work is a huge red flag.Tread slowly and carefully, set boundaries, and be consistent in enforcing them. My gut says run.

 

[Casey_03]

That doesn't necessarily sound like PTSD. It sounds like abuse.