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Anyone Else Have Similar Experience: Shamed For Noncombat Ptsd.

Discussion in 'Military & Emergency Services' started by David2015, May 5, 2015.

  1. John9297

    John9297 Guest

    Dude, you need help and you are definitely not cut out for the military. PTSD from basic training? Come on. You gotta be tougher than that, don't let memories take hold of the present or your future, leave them in the past where they belong. Life is too short to dwell on farsicle little things like PTSD from basic training. Enjoy yourself and your life and go have fun amd forget about it.
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  3. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    You're replying to someone who hasn't been on the forum for well over a year and isn't likely to read or respond to your post after being away for so long.

    I do think you need to check your understanding of PTSD though. PTSD comes through exposure to significantly traumatic experiences which can happen to people in any walk of life at any time, including basic training. Developing PTSD isn't about being tough enough, needing to "man up" or any of the other useless phrases people use to imply the person suffering is in some way responsible. PTSD is about as far from a "farcical little thing" as it's possible to get.
    joeylittle and tlc like this.
  4. Blp97

    Blp97 New Member

    First, I want to say thank you. I am still ashamed of my issues and sometimes I feel that I overthink what I feel and it isn't really anything though it affects my life in a huge way. My family doesn't have the normal home life as other families probably do, nor do we have it as bad as others do either. I am not sure what I actually have, whether it's depression, generalized anxiety as my therapist is suggesting, or if it is non-combat PTSD. Through reading this particular post it made me feel like I wasn't alone though, because when I go to the doctors they state that I am a non-combat veteran, how am I 90% disabled.

    I have some physical issues however the one I am most concerned about is my mental state. I feel as though it is non-combat PTSD, maybe some of you can help shed some light. I was in the service for four total years. I struggled with weight right after AIT, one of my AIT's telling me he didn't know how I even got out of AIT when I busted tape 1% over. I was harassed in my first station for an entire year for weight issues, constantly battling body fat percentages and measurements. I was threatened to be discharged dishonorably (I didn't know any better), and sent home like all of the other "shit bags". I was asked what I drank, what I ate, what I did for exercise, what I do on my spare time, etc.. etc.. This happened for a year straight. Even after I passed and was in the clear the questions would continue, NCO's or even my CO no matter who I was alone in it. I ended up staying in my barracks for year only to leave and go to get supplies, to work, or to the multiple PT sessions I had to attend. It scared the hell out of me not being sure of my future, whether or not I was going to feel like a disgrace to my family for being kicked out of the Army, or whether I was not going to be able to support my wife. Not to mention having a dishonorable discharge on my history. Little did I know it would have been a general discharge, that wasn't what they told me. I didn't have an issue on the actual PT test, it was just measurements that destroyed me for four years. This same harassment and BS continued after that station onto my next here in the states. Bringing more fear, humiliation, anger, depression. It still eats me inside when I think about it.

    Along with those issues I had some physical problems like issues with my feet swelling after every run or my knees becoming garbage over the years that it made me look like a shitbag even more. Now the VA is paying me for them but then it made me look even more like another fat soldier trying to get out of PT. Well you guys can guess how that all went. Privileges being taken away, TA stripped from me, etc... etc.. I eventually got out honorably and made it out of that horrible experience though sometimes I miss the hell out of it for some sick reason. I can't stop thinking about some of the good times I had and how much all that suck was still better than it is now sometimes. I am not sure if this is just reflective issues or what but there ya have it.

    Now I get so down and can't get some of those thoughts out of my head to the point where I see those people in my city now (even though its not really them) and it makes me freak the hell out and want to just go home. I am overweight now and can't seem to break the weight and it haunts me still. I feel as though everyone judges me for it, that my service dog is there because I am fat. I feel like everyone judges me because I drink a soda every now and then or an energy drink. It has gotten so bad that I can barely go to the VA hospital without feeling like a piece of garbage because there are people there with real issues compared to mine. I have social anxiety where I can't even stand going to Wal-Mart without wanting to leave everything and go home. I also tend to not trust anyone. I feel as though everyone is out to get me and no one wants me to succeed, except for my wife. I have lost connection to some of my extended family (uncle, cousins, etc.) because I felt judged or got so anxious to call them back that I just didn't. I also get too crazy when people want to come visit. I hate anyone coming over to visit, can't stand it. I feel like they are going to judge how I ma at home. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and can't take it anymore and I lose it.. I get so mad that I can't remember some things that I do. I have slammed my head into a door cracking it or went to the room yelling because something scared me or I scared my son or something along those lines. I am not abusive to my family by no means but I have taken anger out on objects in my house such as a door or a rocking chair. Those were rather recent.

    When I go to my therapist though I feel so embarrassed about some of these things that I don't bring them up or when I want to I have the hardest time explaining them or really remembering the details to tell him. It is way easier to type this than it is for me to sit and explain it to someone. None the less I still don't know whether it's non-combat ptsd or just generalized anxiety though I find it hard to believe it is just generalized anxiety.

    As for the guy who said he needed to man up, sometimes some people just can't look over those things and their brains trigger to different things. It is all dependant on the person which is why a lot of people think PTSD is a joke. Though living with it and in my family it's no joke. When I lose it and snap to and see my wife's face and the look she has at how nervous she is or how sick of it she is or seeing how scared my son got because I yelled and flipped a chair, it f*cking sucks. It sucks a lot. Especially when they say it's just generalized anxiety and try to give me acronyms to think about when I start getting those feeling again.
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