Are group sessions meant to trigger or depress you??

[J_trustno1]

I've been recommended these group classes regarding assertiveness and improving my communication skills by my current and previous therapist. Therefore, I finally decided to go to them 3 weeks ago.

These classes teach you:

• Assertiveness
  
• Boundaries
  
• Listening skills
• Communication skills etc.

However, each time I'm out from these classes I'm more depressed and triggered. Please note that I haven't shared my past abuse or anything related to my childhood in there. I've only shared my communication and boundary issues regarding my work/life balance and how I became the doormat at my previous work place.

I do get lessons from other people and I do understand that it's not a therapy class but everyone in the class is allowed to share their story and there are people who share everything.

I admit that I didn't need to bring my problems to the table or share anything which I currently regret. I feel that I have pretty much become the clown in the group like I always do. There is this one woman (also attending the class) is very rude towards me and whenever I discuss anything she pretty much judges me. In today's session she was making fun of how I was part of the role play in previous session and I looked funny.

There are other people thinking that I don't know f***all about life and whenever I have a question I sense my class instructor is not so interested. I'm not shifting blame or trying judge others but each time I'm out of this class I'm in more shit than I was to begin the day with. I absolutely despise it now.

I know that I have issues and it's taking me so long to learn life lessons but this class is actually not doing me any favours at the moment. This one bitch is actually reminding me of my past abusers!! Argh!!

Please advise and thanks in advance.

 

[J_trustno1]

My question is: why the hell do group settings have to be crap. I don't like being a part of groups. I've always been an individual and preferred my own breathing space. Office meetings are more than enough for socialising and now this :banghead::tdown:. My problem is that I try looking for suggestions from others for my bloody problems. why am I so broken :dpressed::dpressed::(:(:(:cry::cry:

 

[EveHarrington]

If someone was actually making fun of you and it wasn't a cognitive distortion, then abort, abort! This is not a well moderated group. In my groups this behavior would not be tolerated.

 

[Justmehere]

If someone is making fun of you, then this is a great opportunity to practice the tools the class is teaching about assertiveness. Also, talk to the instructor about it. Perhaps hey need to make some ground rules for the class and communicate them more clearly.

 

[Sideways]

I've done years of group therapy in a variety of settings. Important things I try and keep in mind? First, everyone is there because they've got issues. Big enough issues that they require therapeutic intervention. Which means they're probably going to be a difficult bunch of people.

And Second, is I'm there for me. No one else. What they think of me? Doesn't matter. They can go ahead and draw whatever conclusions they want about me in their heads, but really, I'm there to learn, and my recovery is far more important to me than what a room full of unwell people want to think about me.

Definitely try and talk to the facilitator about the issues you're having. And if you're finding that you end up distressed after going to the group, work in some self-soothing afterwards maybe? While they remind you of your abusers, they're not your abusers, yeah? They're just a bunch of people who are really unwell and trying to sort their shite out...

 

[Sideways]

As a seperate issue - were you the class clown in school?

I have a lady in my group who told me one day that she saw herself as the class clown in group. She'd been like that in school. And though I could see ways that she was kind of like that once she pointed it out to me, until she said it I hadn't seen her like that at all. She was someone who out a lot of energy into interacting with the group and making people feel comfortable, but I wouldn't say that she was filling the clown role at all.

It was an incredibly sad thing for her though. She was doing it as a reflex defence mechanism. She was a genuinely friendly and thoughtful person, but for her, she felt very strongly that all the group ever saw was a facade. To keep people at a safe distance.

Thing is, you don't need to let anyone in this group become important to you. You don't need to let any of them into your close circle of friends. Of that happens of its own accord, that's great. Bonus.

But by the same token, this is not a space where you need to fill the role of class clown. This is a space where you're actually allowed to be messy, and vulnerable, and botching things up occasionally.

Something to think about. Your perception of what others think of you isn't necessarily reality. And if you feel like this is a space where you don't want to have to put up the happy facde? You don't have to. You don't have to be successful and happy and social and compassionate here. You're allowed to just be you:)