AthenaErdmann
Silver Member
I am here in the role of sufferer / survivor, and I do hope that one day my husband might want to join this forum, too, as a carer. However, as he has grown up in a family where the father drinks (I have never met my father-in-law sober, neither have our kids), my husband very understandably does have issues of his own.
Right now I am trying to figure out why I want my husband to continue with his therapy - why my being in therapy is not "enough" for me.
I know I have said to him, time and time again and in several different tones of voice, that I cannot possibly be his therapist. How much I ever want to be his support (and I really, truly do), one cannot be a wife and a therapist to the same person, I believe.
Above all, when he reacts strongly negatively to something I do or say (I am tempted to say that I sometimes trigger him), I can and want to understand what happened, when he can talk about it tolerably calmly, but if he does not work through his intense negative emotions with someone else, I end up hurting and getting triggered in return, which really, really does not help things at all.
So I guess I am trying to think about concrete examples of things that are best dealt with at least partly with someone else, not just with one's partner. And as always, when something is really important for me emotionally, my mind is a total blank.
Can anyone prod me along, suggest something that would get my thoughts out of this rut.
Thanks in advance!
Athena
Right now I am trying to figure out why I want my husband to continue with his therapy - why my being in therapy is not "enough" for me.
I know I have said to him, time and time again and in several different tones of voice, that I cannot possibly be his therapist. How much I ever want to be his support (and I really, truly do), one cannot be a wife and a therapist to the same person, I believe.
Above all, when he reacts strongly negatively to something I do or say (I am tempted to say that I sometimes trigger him), I can and want to understand what happened, when he can talk about it tolerably calmly, but if he does not work through his intense negative emotions with someone else, I end up hurting and getting triggered in return, which really, really does not help things at all.
So I guess I am trying to think about concrete examples of things that are best dealt with at least partly with someone else, not just with one's partner. And as always, when something is really important for me emotionally, my mind is a total blank.
Can anyone prod me along, suggest something that would get my thoughts out of this rut.
Thanks in advance!
Athena
