I am the first born. My mother became pregnant for me when she was 19, and had me a few weeks after her 20th birthday.
Six years later, and with a different man (My Father left the scene two months after my birth) my sister was born.
Eight years later, my father and his new wife gave birth to my baby sister. I never knew my paternal side of the family until I was 20. This is when I discovered a whole new side to my life.
My mother during her on and off again 15 years of raising me would inflict great degrees of abuse towards me. Physical beatings between her (a women weighing over 230lbs) and me (between the weights of 90 - 115lbs pending on my age), Emotional and Verbal abuse, Neglect was her favorite. At the age of 9 I quickly learned how to cleverly hide vegetables in my 3 year old sisters pasta sauce to make sure she was getting her veggies because i knew something was wrong with her bowls, and my mother would be too busy drinking at the bars to be home to tend to us.
This sister believes my mothers lies about me, and has a great deal of anger towards me. When social services removed me from the home, my mother told her that the relative I would be staying with, kidnapped me.
My newest sister ( I say this where I only just met her) loved me to pieces at first. Couldn't get enough of me. But as the family learned of my mental health issues, my traumatic and abusive past, and that money means nothing to me, nor does the latest fashion trend or makeup...I quickly became an embarrassment. My father and his wifes feelings towards me was projected to my little sister. We barely talk any more.
Both sisters mean the world to me, and every night I hope they are safe and sound and know that I do love them. Both are in their teens now, and I am waiting patiently for the day they move out and possibly start to ask me questions and learn my side. As dark as life can get for me, for our relationship I can only pray that the will one day want me as their sister again. For me, in times of darkness, that thought is the light I hold on to.
