Asking Someone For Support?

[theinfinitebee]

I'm a junior college student who has had PTSD for the past 7 years from two different sexual assaults. Usually it's fine but sometimes it goes completely wonky. Recently, I told one of my professors because of a triggering scene in a book that we had to read. We talked about it and she told me that she too had PTSD from being abused as a child.

She's very kind and understanding but we haven't spoken further about it. I kind of want to talk to her more about it because I don't know many adult survivors. I can't talk to my mother about this (she doesn't know) and I don't have a strong adult support system. Is it unreasonable to ask this from a professor? How do I go about talking to her about it further?

Thanks a bunch!

 

[SeanCharles]

I am sure it's possible that your campus may have a counseling center. This may be a possible option also... Hope this may be helpful.

 

[theinfinitebee]

I am sure it's possible that your campus may have a counseling center. This may be a possible option also... Hope this may be helpful.

Thanks! They do, but they only allow 8 sessions per year, and I used them up pretty quickly. I'm looking very specifically for support, not counseling at this point in my recovery.

 

[SeanCharles]

No problem, I figured I would also toss that out as a possible option. :) I can understand the issue of short-term counseling versus a need for the long-term therapy too. It seems to me, that while short term counseling can help with minor issues, there isn't enough coverage (financial) for the long term therapy that some us may require.

 

[ghotiff]

Is it unreasonable to ask this from a professor?

I think this might be unreasonable, particularly while you are studying under her and it sounds like she didn't make any direct offers to support you at the time she disclosed her PTSD to you.

I understand your desire to reach our and receive support but your professor may not be in an emotional (or otherwise) position to offer support to someone else. I myself, can offer good support (well I hope its good) here on this forum because its separate to my 'real' life. I am easily triggered (most of us are) and so I very carefully avoid posts which might take me to a dark place. The format of this forum allows me to support others as I am in complete control of what I read, and when I read it. This support is not something I could give to someone I knew in 'real-life'.

I'm sorry this is not the answer you were hoping for.

If you do go back and approach her, you need to be very careful to provide a very clear opportunity for her to say 'no', and you need to be ready to hear and accept that 'no'. I would also wait until you are no longer studying under her as the combination as teacher/student and request to be support person would likely be problematic and put her in a difficult position.

Maybe others on this forum have an alternative view to mine?

 

[Pencil]

I used to teach Higher Ed. I gave students a writing exercise one day - the standard 5 paragraph structure on any topic. I went round the class, read the essays and commented on the structure. I sat down opposite one student and read ... a graphic description of abuse. I went cold, wanted to run, and made some bland comments - totally inadequate. Being horribly cynical, my first reaction was 'this little shit is playing a game'. It then occurred to me that that particular girl was withdrawn, did not attend regularly, never communicated with anyone, and was the least likely candidate for a sick little game. It then occurred to me that if she was playing a sick little game, she still needed help. The problem was that I couldn't approach her, or didn't know how to. I didn't want to be intrusive. The only remedy was to discuss it with her head of department, as well as the head of the Psych department. (This was very small private university).

I think to ask her outright for support might be risky, but I do think that the mere fact that she disclosed her own background says a LOT. I therefore think you can approach her to ask if she knows where you can go for support, and see what her reaction is. She might simply give you advice on where to go, or she might give you some indication that she would be available for some sort of support. Remember that she can not approach you to offer support.

 

[ghotiff]

I therefore think you can approach her to ask if she knows where you can go for support, and see what her reaction is.

Good suggestion. It opens the door to allow the professor to offer help or support, but in no way makes her feel obligated to.

 

[WillyKat]

I agree with ghotiff that you should wait until you're not in her class anymore. Are you likely to take another class from her? If so, wait until its all done.

Keep in mind that just because she's a professor, she may not be ready to share. I know it sounds weird, but age has nothing to do with one's phase of recovery. I'm in my mid 50s and I see folks on this forum young enough to be my children that are farther along in recovery than I am.
There's been a huge change in the last 25 years regarding sexual abuse in particular. It's far more acceptable and encouragement for getting treatment. But it depends a lot on where you are and a zillion other factors.

So my advice is if you want to talk further about it, wait until the term is over and even then tread lightly.

 

[joeylittle]

Just adding: ask in written form if you are comfortable doing so. One, because it will give her a chance to think on it, two because it will allow you to articulate clearly what you are looking for in the way of support, and three because it keeps the student/professor relationship more intact.

We are generally required to keep all medical issues disclosed to us by students confidential unless we believe the student to be in danger; you do need to know that she will likely be operating under something like that.

The fact that she offered the information in the first place suggests that she might have a willingness for some kinds of conversations. However, I think being really specific about "support" will help. Good luck to you!

 

[Echo]

Having taught in higher education, I would think it would be considered very inappropriate for your professor to continue to talk to you about this. The professional thing to do would be to pass you on to trained staff or other therapeutic help. It would not be a personal slight if she refused to do so, so I would suggest you don't put yourself and her through this. She may also find it very triggering to talk about it. She evidently wanted to reach out to you in that moment and let you know you were not alone, but she may now think she should not have done so. I'm glad she did, I have to say, but had a student told me they had been raped or had PTSD, I would not have told them about my private life, though I would, like your professor, have been very understanding.

There are lots of older members on this site. May I suggest you talk to us, older and younger members, rather than seeking out your professor for this role? We are here for you, if you'd like to talk more.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not think it would be a good idea, but I so relate to you needing her for support. You have to keep the boundries between your self and her.

If you were not in her class, you could ask her out for a cup of coffee and bring your request to her.

But I have found this forum very safe and I have received so much support and friendship here.

I wish you the best.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think it is appropriate to look to your professor for this kind of support. It may in fact be selfish of you as you do not know where she is in her recovery, so in an attempt to make yourself feel better, you may drag her down. I think you should seek out support from therapists or perhaps peer-to-peer support groups. Also, she is not necessarily trained to give you the type of support that you need.