Assessment Vs Treatment

[Zipperhead]

In 2 hrs I go to my first "treatment" session. Up until know, it's all been assessments. The strange part is that I don't get the results of the assessment until Wednesday, and I'm starting with a new therapist today. My old therapist doesn't have "the time" to properly deal with my issues. The logical me understands. That doesn't seem to help though really.

I'm back to what if's and scared that the new therapist won't be able to break in. I also don't know the differance between assessment and therapy yet. I'm told that this is going to be harder, and that it's going to get worse before it gets better. Still, I'm doing better now than I was awhile ago, and I'm trying to console myself with the thought that it can't get as bad as it was before. Don't piss on my parade here, I know I'm sugar coating it and I will probably sink to a new low, but it's easier to go in if I think it can't be as bad as other people discribe.

But that leaves me with more what if's. What if I run? What if I'm not ready to fight, and that box gets to tempting. Am I better of going with the status quo, and living a lie? Or am I even worth fighting for? I'll find out in 2 hours I guess. Wish me luck.

 

[LoyalOne]

The only part of this post that I know for sure I can answer is this one;

am I even worth fighting for?

YES.

Good luck, you. I'll be thinking of you today.

 

[atl22]

Good luck, Zipperhead.

I'm going to quote that Cajun guy from the movie "Waterboy":

"You can do it!" (I can't really get the accent right with text but you get the picture...)

 

[goingonhope]

Hi there ZH, Lots of good luck for you today! :tup: Your on your way there soon and so, me-thinks behind the chatterbox of What If's, as well as, any other chatty negative thoughts that would just as soon cheat you, ...behind, beneath, within, deeper, you're all there, ...just needing and waiting to find healing. So, it's all up to you, Are you worth fighting for?

Sending you, some positive thoughts and energy your way.

 

[Srain]

But that leaves me with more what if's. What if I run?

I surely know this one backwards and forwards!
Good luck!

peace,
Rain
..thinking the assessment sometimes is just what one tdoc will do and hand off due to that being their area of expertize...if yours is PTSD that may not be what they do so you are better off with someone who specializes in that area...just a thought

 

[Srain]

x

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, have you seen the ad for 'Pampers'- "Squirmy Babies"? One's called the 'Escape Artist' :)
Running is so tempting, and familiar.

I think you are 'worth it', and negative thoughts (fears) are trying to derail you.

(Very) good luck, let us know how it goes.
Fingers and toes crossed :barefoot:

 

[ClairBear226]

You already know what I 'm going to say, Zip. But just in case you need to hear it again: you're probably the strongest person I know. I KNOW you can do this. (((HUGS))))

 

[Tinyflame]

I think Clair is right, and that you will be glad you went.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

I will probably sink to a new low

That's an "if" there - but it's what you'll do if you sink to that low. You will make the choice to wallow in it, continuing the hellish cycle which you hate, or wallow in it for 5 minutes to get it out of your system, and start the climb back up.

But good luck Zipperhead.

Changing things in the beginning is always difficult, but when we've made progress and can identify it - no matter how much, it makes it all worthwhile. That goes for anything in this life, not just PTSD.

 

[Zipperhead]

Okay, Session number 1. We went over grounding techniques. Appearantly if I try telling myself it's not happening then all will be well. Not sure if I understand that one, but okay. I've been telling myself it hasn't been happening for 4 years, so what's a few more? She gave me specific dirrections, focus on something, breathing techniques, self dialogue. So I will try it. Maybe it will help with the anxiety after the flashback. Can't see it helping during the flashback, or making the flashbacks stop.

It took awhile for me to open up with the new therapist. She seems to like cliches. "I have the flashlight here. Let me show you the way out." Really? This clinic is suppose to specialise in Combat PTSD. I don't think she really has a grip on the military mind set yet. She is also unfamiliar with military terms like Ak-Ak, so I don't think she's been working here long. In the end I did open up, so it should go better next time.

The next appointment is Wednesday. That is when I will get the official diagnosis and they will set out a treatment plan. I know, I started treatment today. Seems a bit backwards to me too. That will be my last appointment with my old therapist. I have to say, switching therapists in the middle seems a bit awkward. I really had to retell the first part to the new therapist again today, and she still doesn't have near as good an idea where I am at as the old therapist does. I guess she's just going to get small peices as she goes along, and we'll deal with those as we go. Or maybe she's waiting for the action plan, and then she's going to start the hard stuff.

Over all, not really stressed. Kind of confused when you get right down to it. Was that a treatment? Did I acheive anything? And isn't pretending it's not happening what I've been doing all along? Maybe there will be more answers Wednesday.

 

[ClairBear226]

Zip, I've heard of that technique before too. The way it was explained to me was, it's a bit l ike being in a nightmare, and if you can tell yourself your only sleeping/ dreaming/ flashbacking, you can begin to find your way out. I haven't had luck doing this for myself. I can't seem to stay calm enough that I can have any sort of rational thought at all. But my Nam vet that I told you about? That's exactly what worked for him. I would get in front of him, and hold his hands. I'd tell him to focus on my voice. I'd tell him calmly and firmly that it was only a flashback, it wasn't real. I'd have someone go get me a piece of ice, and pI'd ut it into his hand. Feel the ice in your hand? There wasn't any ice in Nam. You're here, in your home. It's 2011. Can you open your eyes and look at mine? Okay, now look at the chair in the corner. You and your wife bought that chair together. Your in your house, its 2011. Everything that hurt you is all in the past. Today your safe. Remember who the president is? It's 2011. And.... so on. It worked. Gradually, gently brought him back. And it worked every time.

I think she's trying to maybe teach you to do the same thing for yourself. It's not so much denial of the flashback or what happened, as it is waking up from the nightmare.