At What Point Does Sexual Banter Cross The Line?

[Pelanol]

This isn't directly PTSD-related although I sometimes wonder if my symptoms cloud my perceptions and judgement calls. I was bantering back and forth a bit with just a friend one night (no interest) after she started in on me. She considers herself one of the guys and always dishes it out with everyone. But it got to a point where she thought I crossed the line and got too personal, and now she has the wrong impression of me. I never meant anything as more than a joke in the same way I didn't think she meant anything she was saying, and now I feel awkward and embarrassed, especially since she is one of girlfriend's best friends.

 

[Zabec]

The line will always vary IMHO

 

[Fece]

Sexual banter fully depends on the person. In my presence there is no line, for instance.

Id maybe bring it up and appoligize and explain that you didnt mean to cross any lines and wont do it again.

Just a thought.

 

[Aso]

There's my own line. Then there are other people's lines.

Both tend to move about a fair bit.

Both can be at opposite ends of the universe from each other. :meh:

 

[Uvu]

Sexual banter is risky with anyone who is not a sexual partner. Even then it can be risky.

When it comes down to it, she is allowed to have her limits and boundaries around what is ok with her. It may not be what others decide is ok for them. It's not right or wrong, it just is.

It wasn't ok with her.

You can keep trying to find some kind of moral absolute on this, or you could pick up the phone and tell her you didn't mean to hurt her, and you are sorry.

Having the courage to apologize for an accidental offense generally does a lot to leave a new kind of impression with a person.

 

[Pelanol]

Thank you everyone. I did apologize profusely the very next day when she told she had been offended. I explained I meant absolutely nothing by it but had exercised poor judgment. At the time she told me she completely forgave me and understood it can be difficult to tell where the line is with her. But then she went and started whispering in my girlfriend's ear that there was no way any of what I said was a joke, and now I'm devastated, mortified, and confused as to why say it was ok only to continue stirring the pot, and with my girlfriend and her good friend, no less.

 

[Kocaba]

as to why say it was ok only to continue stirring the pot, and with my girlfriend and her good friend, no less

Lesson learned about her.

 

[Pelanol]

Why would she say it was ok only to take it back later? Did she not really think it was ever ok, or is she somehow trying to work this against me?

 

[Akepi]

or is she somehow trying to work this against me?

That? It's hard to know what really motivates another person. She sounds like someone to be careful of.

 

[Uluvuj]

Sexual banter of any kind with your girlfriends friends should be off limits.

One infraction of going too far and you're branded a sexual deviant pervert for life, putting the relationship with your girlfriend in jeopardy.

 

[Pelanol]

I agree and have learned my lesson big time.

In my defence, I never liked this girl and saw her as completely desperate for attention from the moment I met her years ago. She would make my jaw drop with some of the things that came out of her mouth...and I was in the Army!

I expressed my discomfort with her to my girlfriend on multiple occasions, but my gf assured me she never meant anything by it, that this is just who she is, and I should try my best to get along with her.

There had been times before this when the friend had started in on me, and I simply didn't engage, but then she ran off to my girlfriend complaining that I have no sense of humor. So this time when I did engage, she ran off to my gf saying I'm a creep. I feel like I can't win.

 

[Kitoh]

I think it would be best to stay civil with this woman, friendly in social situations and such, but not engage in friend type activities with her, that is let your GF be friends with her, but don't make it into one big happy circle of friends. I think distance is your friend as you're probably right, you can't "win"......I'm guessing there may be a bit of jealousy? Or some other weird dynamic where this woman is creating drama in your relationship. These women are busy-body small minded people who can't keep proper boundaries and thrive on drama. (I'm a woman and won't have anything to do with other women who are like that, in fact I have dumped friends who insist on inserting themselves into my relationships with others.)