Not sure how to perceive this episode. Several years in here and by no means has it been smooth. We have been together before treatment and post inpatient treatment with my vet reporting he is going to therapy and managing his meds and not drinking. The non smooth part is he will get in these episodes where I’m literally his enemy. To the point now it’s every other week. I try to talk to him about how I feel and how things impact me (his choices and behaviors) and he shuts me down. He will yell and leave. I try to talk about the future because everything comes before me. He yells and disappears. We have tried couples therapy but he acted the same way and I was so embarrassed I gave up. I don’t want to walk on egg shells anymore. This last episode has been horrible. He blamed me and my family for causing and making his PTSD worse (he is combat and was diagnosed and unmanaged way before me). But then would say “you saved me. I talk about you to everyone” all in a matter of minutes. He told me I’m not allowed to talk about the past because he already apologized.
I never feel heard and I’m trying to tell him how I feel to heal but to also get clarity and for the continued behaviors to stop. I just always put everything for myself in the back because I wanted him to get better and not be stressed.
I feel like I’m the only one in the relationship and the only one trying. I literally feel like he wants me to shut up and color. I know the PTSD and depression get compounded if personality disorders are present and I’m fearful that this is what is occurring. He is literally acting worse than before he went for intensive treatment and stopped drinking. I told him I want for us to work and have a healthy relationship and he said stop fixing, just let it be.
He said some other not very kind cold things. He is like a robot now. So I asked him do you want us to separate and his response was that he has x,y,z that he needs to do today and blamed me for not being able to focus on those. I’m really heartbroken, I feel like I’ve lost my relationship and partner. I feel like I’m in deja vu from the three years ago. The oddity is if people aren’t very kind towards me he gets angry or if he hears of other guys treating their spouses this way he gets upset but yet he is acting this way towards me.
Am I not allowed to share my feelings and how it impacts me? He says telling him is suppressing him. If I let it ride and take my space he pops up several days later saying he doesn’t want use over but then when it comes time to talk to figure all this out he gets so angry and shuts it down. Rinse and repeat. Is this norm for an SO to experience when symptoms or stressors are flared or I’m encountering a different beast here? I have no one to go to about this. My close people don’t like how he has treated me over the years and it’s always a “you keep trying with him”. This isn’t the man I know and the man I love. This is who he was when PTSD was running him. I’ve tried to even say that and he tells me “I’m good. I’m fine. I’m thinking clear. I’ve progressed.”
I never feel heard and I’m trying to tell him how I feel to heal but to also get clarity and for the continued behaviors to stop. I just always put everything for myself in the back because I wanted him to get better and not be stressed.
I feel like I’m the only one in the relationship and the only one trying. I literally feel like he wants me to shut up and color. I know the PTSD and depression get compounded if personality disorders are present and I’m fearful that this is what is occurring. He is literally acting worse than before he went for intensive treatment and stopped drinking. I told him I want for us to work and have a healthy relationship and he said stop fixing, just let it be.
He said some other not very kind cold things. He is like a robot now. So I asked him do you want us to separate and his response was that he has x,y,z that he needs to do today and blamed me for not being able to focus on those. I’m really heartbroken, I feel like I’ve lost my relationship and partner. I feel like I’m in deja vu from the three years ago. The oddity is if people aren’t very kind towards me he gets angry or if he hears of other guys treating their spouses this way he gets upset but yet he is acting this way towards me.
Am I not allowed to share my feelings and how it impacts me? He says telling him is suppressing him. If I let it ride and take my space he pops up several days later saying he doesn’t want use over but then when it comes time to talk to figure all this out he gets so angry and shuts it down. Rinse and repeat. Is this norm for an SO to experience when symptoms or stressors are flared or I’m encountering a different beast here? I have no one to go to about this. My close people don’t like how he has treated me over the years and it’s always a “you keep trying with him”. This isn’t the man I know and the man I love. This is who he was when PTSD was running him. I’ve tried to even say that and he tells me “I’m good. I’m fine. I’m thinking clear. I’ve progressed.”