Bad Joke?

[Ugew]

Just had a fantastic time recently with my PTSD partner. In particular, we celebrated a minor anniversary of sorts, and we had a really great conversation about our relationship, our values, our views on life. We both said all sorts of positive things to each other. Nothing too drastic, just about being compatible in our values and being glad we're together, and that kind of stuff. So I was feeling kind of good about everything (still a bit scared that things might go wrong, but things seem promising).

I get home a few hours later and find that he's posted a joke in poor taste on social media - one that suggests that when a man gets married and/or has kids, that he automatically doesn't get to do the activities he likes as much anymore.

This caught me out of left field. It was a bit weird because he's not the kind of person who posts jokes of this nature. It's quite out of character for him - I've never seen him do it before. But I have seen him post items in order to make a statement about something before. And many of the things he posts are for my benefit ie. when I don't make comment on them, he sometimes he says, "oh, I thought you would have liked that thing that I put up the other day." So Is he sending me a message with this latest post? Or am I just cracking up? Rhetorical questions, but welcome any opinions/similar experiences.

So now I'm suddenly wondering if our closeness lately has suddenly got him freaking out. The alternative, of course, is that I'm the one who's freaking out (happy to admit that). Is it possible that he has spontaneously morphed from a fabulous guy into a bit of a jerk in the space of a few hours? The strange thing is, we both like doing the same activities for the most part, and we both don't want kids. Haven't discussed marriage yet.

I know this might not be a PTSD question. Maybe it's just a man-with-fear-of-commitment question! Or he just innocently made a joke and I'm totally overreacting. Haven't heard from him since I last saw him earlier today though.

 

[Libave]

And last night he sent me a message through social media saying he was home watching TV, but I saw he was geotagged as being almost 18 miles away from his house. I replied asking him if he was at someone’s else place. When he responded, he said no, he was at home. And this time his location was his house. The time between those two messages was just enough time for him to have taken a cab home. I commented that it was very strange that his cell said he was somewhere else half an hour ago, and he agreed it was strange. But I thought geotagging was accurate to within a few miles these days. It seems likely that he lied to me about his whereabouts last night. But he has told me that he never goes out at night. This morning I got a message first thing, greeting me in his usual manner, but asking me for an amount of money I owed him for an item that he had ordered for me (I haven’t received the item yet), because he needed it to buy something this week. Is he trying to tie up our financial affairs because he’s going to break up with me? Or he’s worried that I will break up with him? He has told me that in past relationships, his girlfriends always suspected him of hiding something, when he hadn’t done anything wrong. Maybe he’s freaking out that I’m going to do the same thing.I replied in my usual manner, and after I transferred the money, he responded with a very affectionate message.

But all of this seems very fishy to me. I know that I’ve been a bit clingy lately, and I struggle to contain my jealousy when other woman that I know fancy him are around (this is because of bad experiences in the past, but I'm trying really hard, and he knows that). Maybe he’s not cheating on me, but perhaps he has started hiding some of his activities from me because he knows I will get jealous. I know this is possibly more a relationship issue than a PTSD issue, but I just can’t believe this is happening. Until yesterday I completely trusted this man. My trust was based on his actions as well as his words. Now it suddenly seems like everything he has told me is a lie. Only 2 days ago we both swore that we would never cheat on each other – this is based on our values, not just our commitment to each other. I told a friend about last night, and she advised me to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t know if I can let this go. I was lied to and cheated on all the way through my last relationship, and now it feels like it’s all happening again. I don’t know if I can take it. I feel like my insecurities have freaked him out, but surely he needs to take responsibility for his actions too? My gut instinct has failed me - I just don't know what to think. And I don't know how to approach this with him. I will find it very difficult to just let it go, now that the seed of doubt has been planted. Help.

 

[Uruc]

If he has PTSD, and you want to make it work with him,you must chill out. You have no proof that he is cheating or disrespecting your relationship, just some conclusions you jumped to because of what sounds like harmless social media postings and some hang ups from a past relationship. This kind of insecurity is not going to be good for either of you. My sufferer says there is only room for one "crazy" person in our relationship, and most of the time it gets to be him. If I were to freak out about something this minor, he would be sick for a week because of the stress he would have in response.

Now, if I caught him with his pants down, then he would deserve the any stress I dished out. That would be the time to freak out.

 

[Oca]

Your advice is much appreciated and I completely agree with you. This is precisely why I try to do my freaking out here on the forum, and not in front of him. However, I have spoken to another close friend about this, and they gave me some not-so-great advice, which only made me freak out more. That is why I come here - for a reality check, so thank you.

 

[Wabek]

Sometimes we need that reality check... and a place to freak.