Barely Holding On

[Moony]

I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any advice?

I've been doing fairly well for the past 5 months but recently I've noticed my anxiety getting worse, and I seem to be dissociating more, I'm more jumpy..blah you guys know the drill. At the moment I feel like the only thing keeping me from really slipping backward is my partner. We see each other every weekend.

A part of me is almost disgusted for being reliant on the 'emotional support' that I get. Work is becoming more difficult. I had issues with my PTSD at work a few months back but after explaining to my boss why I was behaving the way I was things were fine.

I'm just scared to go back to the way things were. I'm anxious about going backwards, and that in turn is making the other symptoms worse. I guess it's a catch 22. It's so stupid that I'm anxious about something that hasn't happened. Sort of feeling like this is another 'calm before the storm'. Is this what the rest of my life will be?

Also feeling like my current coping mechanisms are becoming inadequate. I really really don't want to go back to the SH, but it was the only thing that gave me any relief. Hope this doesn't offend anyone.

 

[MitaB]

Hi Moony,
I first wanted to start by saying that I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time right now. Anxiety can be a huge monster to overcome. And for me it was very debilitating and I was so tired of it. I just want you to know that you are not alone and take it one day at a time. It helped me to remember that if I can get through one day, I would do the best I could to get through tomorrow. May I ask what are your current coping mechanisms??? I have learned that some things may work for a while or not at all and some you keep with you.

 

[Moony]

Hey Mita,

Thanks :) My coping mechanisms were to do something to keep busy, like play guitar until the feeling passes. This was ok if I was at home. At work I usually went for a cigarette, or tried to make a list of all the things I was pleased with that week. Just stuff like that. I just get sick of it. I think what the f**k is there to be anxious about. Activities that I can do most days turn me into a twitching wreck other days. I guess I'm just fed up too.

 

[YogiBear]

Hi Moony,

I am happy that it seems you have things going for you. A loving, supportive partner is priceless. I was told by one of the many attorneys I have dealt with that people with PTSD often have a difficult time with relationships. I am not entirely sure this is true. I think we as humans all have a difficult time with relationships period.

We cannot go back in time and feel the way we used to. We can only move forwards. Hopefully forwards will mean that we don't feel these awful feelings that come along with PTSD. By participating in the forum, I have gained much insight from how different people handle their symptoms.

Don't worry about offending people. Be polite, which you obviously are. Be strong. Be open to trying different techniques for recovery that may seem alien or strange to you. Find a good therapist and psychiatrist to work with, too.

Kindest regards,
YogiBear

 

[Moony]

Thanks Yogi :)

I agree with the relationship point. In my past relationships (if they were even that) was just me seeing someone and feeling absolutely nothing at all. This is the first time in years that I feel like I'm slowly moving forward on that front.

I'm glad that participating in the forum has given you an insight.

Hope you're well.