New Class? - Do you struggle with holding back from doing things like going to school or finding a job you love?

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
From the time I was very young, I always dreamed of getting my PhD in Zoology or Field Biology. That didn't happen, and it is my greatest regret. Once I got my masters in creative writing, though, I decided and accepted that I would not be doing anymore schooling toward a degree. I did go on to get a copyediting certificate, but otherwise, I mostly finished with formal schooling.

I've taken and am taking several online classes--things I can enjoy mostly. But a class has come up that I think will be interesting and help with my copyediting business--although I've done almost none of that this year. I've been thinking that, if I lose my current job (I'm a contractor, so who knows?), or if I decide at some point I no longer want to work full-time (or I retire), then this class will add to my skills and increase my opportunities to get clients.

I'm not even sure why I'm hesitant, except I'm filled with that "I could die at any moment" feeling. I'm finding that really holds me back in so much. Some people I've talked to say that they recognize this, but that it helps them do whatever they want. That I should "just" embrace the opposite of how I feel and think--if we can die anytime, then why not do whatever we want?

I get that. I just don't know how to get there.

I think this class will be good for me.

Do you struggle with holding back from doing things like going to school or finding a job you love?
 
Yes and no. I don't take as many risks as I would like to because I have someone still dependent on me. With that said, I tend to chase thrills. I NEED new and challenging, things to keep me engaged. I struggle with that stuck, stagnant feeling.

When it's just me? I love learning, idc if I am going to get a degree or whatever the f*ck, it's worth it. Simply because I like knowing. I enjoy learning, the ROI is irrelevant. Same with a job, again, if it's just me, I don't need much. Otherwise, what's the point?
 
methinks i have two distinct styles of holding back. 1) fear of failure 2) reality checks on how much i can expect of myself. i let wants and wishes be part of that reality check. i get more out of an endeavor when my heart is in it. then we get to the superwoman syndrome which motivates me to over-extend myself. . .

for what it's worth
when i was contracting computer graphics, i felt like classes, etc., were the most important part of my portfolio. they assured my clients i was keeping up in my field.
 
when i was contracting computer graphics, i felt like classes, etc., were the most important part of my portfolio. they assured my clients i was keeping up in my field.
This helped! I've been exploring this class again--I need to enroll in the next couple of days if I'm going to at all. I have been feeling very "end of times" lately--like, filled with the dread (sort of) that everything will be over in 2024. It's so strong. And if everything will be over, is there any point in taking a class?
 
I need to enroll in the next couple of days if I'm going to at all.
my own tech career was way back when people were smarter than their phones and i haven't cared enough to keep up, but. . .

those tech boot camps were my mainstay. they are expensive and intensive, but the gain was worth the pain
 
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