Beat Till I Bled

[drum1forU]

I guess I needed to say that because I know that some forums are for military folks.

I have been told that having been beaten as a child changed the way my brain functions.

I am the proud owner of every symptom listed as PTSD and then some. The traumas that followed the beatings may have been just flue for the fire.

I have over my life managed to find my work around, however at some point inevitably a trigger comes up that i have not planed for. I need better tools to deal with my life I'm tired of dealing with all of this every flipin day!! My parents are no help they wish not to discuss it. my other brothers are just as fu**ed up as I am

I try very hard to put up the ("normal") front, self medicate Blah Blah Blah .................

I cant keep this up forever...............

 

[Tiger Kitten]

I too had the act down to an art form. I think many of us do that. I too am the proud owner of PTSD. I wonder.... if I could find a buyer could that make it go away??? Must check into that.

Tiger

 

[onebravegirl]

I wonder what you mean by Proud Owner...
Is this sarcsim?
It is only natural to feel resentful of PTSD, especially if we have not yet gained a handle on it.
I do not share the view that PTSD is the enemy though.
PTSD represents painful injuries that scream out that they need recognition and healling attention.
If you fight it, it wil get more demanding.
If you learn to listen to what needs help, it eventually can become more manageable.
I am so glad that you have joined this forum becasue there is so much concern and care available from people who really know what you are feeling.
Keep typing, all you need.
We are here, you are not alone.
O

 

[tryintobreathe]

Drum,

Welcome to the forum. I can relate to everything you said there. I too tried faking it most of my life, but you can only act "normal" for so long. I have found some wonderful help here in the form of support, friendship, information, coping tools, and so much more.

Jen

 

[drum1forU]

Proud owner = angry
That i have at 50 managed to figure this out.
It might have been good to know a little earlier in life

Terrified of what lay ahead
Realistic laugh or cry or better yet an anxiety attack
sometimes i like to laugh.

 

[drum1forU]

I hate that i have to deal with this!
I have avoided this time all my life, why in gods name would anyone want to put them selfs through this.

But I absolutly have to get past this................. I have a 7 year old boy thtas counting on me.

 

[bonnecanyon]

Hi Drum

You can do this! You have already taken the first step by coming to this forum and talking about it. We are all at different levels of healing and understanding our ptsd, so you are not alone. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, the yucky stuff has to be released so you can move on.

Hang in there!
BC

 

[onebravegirl]

As difficult as it may be to believe, once you are on the other side of this, You will be a much wiser and stronger person who has huge insights into yourself.
I have a seven year old son too. You do not have to have it all together to be a good dad. Showing him that you are human and that even grown-ups have problems is a very good lesson. Your endurance and determination can teach him these skills as well for when he grows up too.
Type lots, tell us how we can help, step by step.
IT can be done. It will no doubt be the Hardest thing you ever accomplish. But it will be worth it.
O

 

[drum1forU]

O
so what just start typing .................from scratch?

 

[onebravegirl]

Type what ever you want.
It is just an invitation to say what ever you want here.
Some people start from scratch, some start with what is on their mind for that day...
It always helps to get thoughts out of our heads and let others know what is going on.
Communication is vital to get through all the PTSD issues.
And there is no limit to what is discused here!
O

 

[drum1forU]

O
Thank you for letting me in on the routine. good to know that the limit sign is off it could get dicey at times.

I have thought about this quite a bit over the last few days trying to wrap my head around all of this and how absolutely overwhelming it is. Most folks that know me don't think of me as bashful or afraid to speak my mind. so in that respect I think im am prepared to do this.

But i have this little saying (you never know how heavey a burden will be untill you allready have it in your hands) thats the part that scares me

 

[onebravegirl]

As I understand it, you are still fairly new at understanding PTSD am I right? In the begining it can kinda feel like walking into a room that is filled with all the food you have to eat in one year. Daunting! But really all we can do is sit down and take one bite at a time. PTSD in the begining feels like a terrible burden for us all and realistically for a while it stays that way. Gradually you will learn that some of the weight of that burden, you do not have to carry. The load gets lighter the more you work at it. I love the sying that "We only fear what we do not yet understand". Be patient with yourself,I'm pullin' for ya!
O