Being In Public

[Bees Are Awesome]

I don't get out much. There are oftentimes days in a row that I do not leave my house. I go to my therapy appointments, psychiatry appointments, doctor appointments, and a couple of AA meetings and that is basically it. Once in a while I will go out to dinner or a friend's house but I mostly stay home.

In June I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth out. I had to wait for weeks because I needed permission from my insurance company to be knocked out for the procedure. I explained that I have PTSD and I do not like people touching me, over me, or too close to me. Thankfully it went well but I had to go back to the oral surgeon about 3 weeks later because of a minor issue. I reminded him about my PTSD but he found it irrelevant. I had to be awake for this. He and his nurse were both leaning on me from the sides and hovering over me while working in my mouth. Needless to say I panicked and could not stop shaking. They had me stay for a few minutes to calm down enough so I could drive.

This Thursday I had a follow-up to that. I was mortified when he walked in the room and when realizing who I am he said "Oh, I remember you! You were the one with the really really really bad anxiety." And then he laughed. I didn't. I felt so embarrassed. Thankfully I do not have to go back to see him.

I mentioned the incidents with the oral surgeon as examples of things that happen to me whenever I am in public. I hate having panic attacks in public. I hate having meltdowns when noise or people or situations overwhelm me. I wish I didn't. I look relatively "normal" so I think it is surprising when people see me lose it. I am working hard in therapy and it is my goal to be able to go out and do more things in public. I feel kind of hopeless though, like it will always be difficult for me.

Does anyone else have difficult experiences in public?

Is there anyone who had these issues and are now able to go out in public more frequently? What helped you?

 

[greenleaf]

Wow, that surgeon is a seriously nasty human. Shouldn't be allowed near people or animals... absolutely no empathy. I'm really sorry that happened to you.

There are medical folks who are actually very concerned about their patients however. There are also many other people who will treat you respectfully; I hope you will do your best to surround yourself with them! You are worth it! Can you interview your medical practitioners and switch to ones who show they have a clue? (I know it's hard with some insurance types, and we can't always know in advance what we'll need -- but some things can be planned for in advance.)

I'm wondering if working to surround yourself with more decent folks in a new context here and there over time might help you start to feel safer, like you have more control, and help you in other ways too. Has your therapist been able to suggest strategies?

 

[shimmerz]

I am always accompanied out with someone. It is a safety issue for me but as well I am mortified if I have a meltdown in public. Yes, I can relate. I can go out in my car alone to a trusted friends' house but even then I have to be careful.

I can completely relate to your issues with dentists. I finally found one who is respectful and kind. He is a holistic dentist. I am not sure if you have any of those where you are. They seem to have more understanding of things that they don't feel themselves....but trust that to others it is real. I have to say that I wish you wouldn't take on the behaviour of others because from my experience when one behaves so crassly it is more a reflection of them than you.

working to surround yourself with more decent folks in a new context here and there over time might help you start to feel safer,

This strategy worked very well for me and is a very wise statement. It is a painful process sometimes to switch everything around but worth it in the end as I found connections with people who had empathy rather than those who were prone to judge.

I wish you the best in moving forward....

 

[Chava]

Wow, too bad the surgeon was so ignorant...sorry for that. You'd think they'd all have a little training or sensitivity. My worst public panic has been having panic attacks on stage, in an orchestra...just a thousand people or so watching as I try to find a non-obvious way to "fake" play or quit playing and bend over a bit to pull myself together so I don't pass out. I've even taken my shoes off on stage because I was having a panic attack and over-heating...I slid them neatly behind me and hoped nobody noticed with my long skirt.

Because of repetitive overuse (and a history of treating my body so poorly), I had to retire mega early from that position. But I had been finding little ways to get around that anxiety. Now I try to keep applying it when playing in smaller venues, like fundraisers or weddings, etc. I always feel like I need a bottle of water close by, and I find weird tricks to adjust my focus if I'm falling apart and everything is crazy and blurry and disjointed. I've focused on playing "easy" parts as if they are hard...like really pin-pointing my focus. I've found little ways to use less energy and slow down my breathing...or pull my attention toward something safe, like a fellow musician I've played with for years, someone else's part that I know well and really enjoy, anything "safe" or reassuring. And I remind myself I'm not dying...and that if I look a little weird or out of it for a bit and anyone notices...whatever...it's what I need to do...

If your panic involves shaking, is there a safe way to allow yourself to shake a little? Can it come out through your feet or hands? It would make sense if you didn't have much control, but just wondering if you have any power to channel that energy even a bit...if you need to shake, you need to shake. Are there are physical things that can help release the panic energy and/or help ground you before you feel the panic build? Sometimes I can feel panic approaching...but I know on stage when I was playing it hit out of nowhere (likely connected to an uncomfortable sensation or moment of exhaustion or thought that I couldn't do it).

Good job trying to not isolate too far, advocating for yourself (even if the surgeon was kind of a dumbsh#t), and on getting all wisdom teeth pulled!! Not an enjoyable time, I know. I don't have mouth issues too much but had to have a biopsy done at Ob/gyn and I don't know how to even explain that short moment of hell. The nurse kept squeezing my hand to keep me here on earth. Anyway, hang in there..you're not alone...lots of people look "normal" just like you and me, and struggle with anxiety or panic..

 

[franciemarnie]

Well, he was certainly a royal jerk. I know this sounds a little strange maybe, but I was thinking that if you hadn't started involuntarily shaking and so on, if you had kept it in somehow, zoned out, blocked it, dissociated - that could have proved way worse in the long run for you. More emotional energy buried we don't need.

I have noticed lately that whereas I once kept everything in easily and showed no response when a big response would have been natural, now I involuntarily respond almost like a kid. I went to a sports doctor a few weeks ago for a super painful torn glute. This guy jabbed into the glute hard, not once, not twice but three times. Why, I don't know. I literally screamed in the office each time. Man, he did not like that. And his assistant - if looks could kill I'd be posting from the beyond.

Screw them. When our bodies react naturally given our pain and/or trauma background, I think it's a good thing. It's uncomfortable, maybe embarrassing, but I am glad I am not the numb, mute rock anymore.

Your dentist was keenly insensitive and his other patients are well aware of it. There will always be a axxholes in this world, including doctors. It's such a drag though when you have one of them and are subjected to rude, insensitive treatment after being vulnerable and trusting.

 

[Justmehere]

For what it is worth, I know a really capable attorney who deals with difficult people all day - day in and day out - and even she can not stand dentists for the same things you describe. And you handled it with great skill and good self advocacy . I'm sorry he was such an *ss.

I know it's not just this dentist. He was a real jerk though.

My therapist says people with really obvious anxiety symptoms have the most potential to get better. I'm not so sure about this myself, but I panic in public so often I have pages of trigger planning done for it. It is so embarrassing! My heart goes out to you!