Being Triggered

[Marie E.]

I have a question I don't think I can answer alone. How should I react to somebody when they triggered me with words? Is it just me and me alone or how come somebody else with PTSD not understand this when I told them before? I feel like just blaming myself and confused.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

When someone triggers me (and I don't know what your triggers are, but mine seem completely all over the place and unpredictable), I find it's best to leave the room, recite the date and time and think of my pets to keep myself in the "present". I come back and say something once I've gotten a hold on myself. I know that if I say something right then and there it will likely be incoherent cursing, plus I think it's good to take time to think about what you're feeling/thinking before talking about it. I have a difficult time interpreting my emotions, so I definitely need the time alone to think about it. Are you talking about someone in particular who triggers you on a regular basis?

 

[Marie E.]

Well, it is a loved one, but I am not always triggered all the time by them. I wish I had control over it! My triggers are mainly about my abuser who was so full of sh*t and still is!

 

[Vee Lagrome]

Ack! If your abuser is triggering you, have you tried confronting them? My father used to be a big time trigger for me and I had nightmares all the time about attacking him, fighting him, whatever, but when he got word that I was hospitalized as a result of a traumatic childhood that was basically his fault, he and I spoke on the phone and he listened to my version of the events (which is absolutely amazing that he did that... he is literally a textbook case abuser).When I expressed all of those things to him and got the chance to tell him how angry I felt and that he was using his abusive childhood as an excuse to continue the cycle, I felt 1,000,000 times better.
I don't know if you've had the chance to talk to this person about the abuse, or if they're even open to it, but maybe writing a letter addressed to them would have a similar effect?

 

[Marie E.]

Well, I can write a letter and than tear it up, flush it down the toilet. But, this man believes he hasn't done anything wrong. I was with him for 6yrs and he is the cause of my PTSD, though my Father didn't help much. I at least expressed in person to my Father and I did cut him out of my life for a reason. My abuser lives in Canada and I in the States. I have to deal with the stresses of court with him and the fact he got to see my kids over Canadian rule.

 

[livergirl70]

I know what you mean, my son's father is a big trigger for me. Every time my son visits him or gets a phone call it starts me off. It's difficult when there are kids in the middle under normal circumstances but when the relationship was violent and abusive it makes it 10 times worse.

With other people I tend to excuse myself and go to the toilet and calm myself down, my triggers are all over the place and I probably couldn't actually remember what it was by the time I've calmed down lol

 

[Vee Lagrome]

I can't relate to that exact scenario since I don't have children or courts to deal with (at least, not in that way, which is undoubtedly much more stressful than being a witness), but I do know that my father, for the longest time, believed he was a hero. He honestly thought he was "dad of the year" and this is despite his own father, who was abusive, taking time to point out how he was abusive and apologizing sincerely to everyone he abused and then comparing my father's behavior to his own to my father. So, when he actually listened to what I had to say, even if he disagreed with some of it, I was blown away. People can surprise you, even the abusive ones. Oh, and I read in my workbook that often times the abuser sees themselves as a victim too, which I thought was very interesting...

Maybe your ex will realize it in time and will actually listen to what you have to say. But even if he never does, he didn't take away your ability to be happy and to deserve a happy and good life. You are still who you are and no one can ever take that away from you. You are a good and loving person who is deserving of good things and love. You are not a victim; you are a survivor. You may have your battle scars, but they are just that. Give yourself some time and I know things will turn around for you. I know it's difficult and can be super overwhelming, but cut yourself some slack! Most people don't have to deal with PTSD and trauma! You should make yourself a little medal or something as a self-congrats for handling your PTSD and your business. :)