Belonging Nowhere

[anonymous]

It is difficult to know if this is a distortion or not. I have gone through many stages that I am not proud of while fighting this PTSD. I have made mistakes, had problems with people I have never had problems with before. I am not the greatest at relationships anymore. Most likely because I used to bend and twist to make relationships work. Now I don't have the energy. I am reactive, I am stupid, and I haven't lived a normal adult life for over a decade.

I don't know what is happening in the world so I can't carry conversation anymore. I have far less symptoms than I used to but what was that all for? Did I really work all of this time to heal to find myself here? I have lost everyone and can blame nobody but myself for it.

Has anyone come out the other side of their symptoms, had them improve and then realize how much they have lost? It seems to me like I fought all of this just to be alone. I feel alone here and I feel alone in the outside world.

 

[claire east]

It is difficult to know if this is a distortion or not. I have gone through many stages that I am not...

Yes I nearly loss my life and my marriage I'm still struggling now but I don't think it can get any worse you will get there beleave in yourself if people don't stick by you then they weren't worth having in the first place I've lost lots of friends due to my ptsd but I don't care

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It seems to me like I fought all of this just to be alone. I feel alone here and I feel alone in the outside world.

This I can COMPLETELY relate to but replace it with "fighting" and you have me.

Its a hard thing, to be alone in the real world but Ive found two great websites with understanding people to help support me through this and it helps to replace the lack of real world support for now; to know someone out there cares!

 

[Sideways]

First, no - you're not stupid :) but maybe still healing.

Maybe cut yourself a break. If you haven't lived like a "normal person" (yuck - don't like that expression) for 10 years, it could take a bit of getting used to doing the human interaction thing again.

And before anyone suggests that relationships are like "riding a bike, you never forget", I've already tested that theory and yes, you can indeed forget, fall off, & make an arse of yourself (good thing I can laugh at my own incompetence sometimes cause that was a really embarrassing lesson to learn)...I don't like bikes any more!