Beyond the honeymoon phase... can you share experiences of what it is like to fall into honeymoon and then back out again??

[Orangesfrompears]

My ?girlfriend and I... enjoyed the honeymoon phase. And then she switched off (physically and emotionally) Thankfully I’m aware of her PTSD and able to get a handle on understanding. Through talking we have established that I am able to just wait and care, and though she doesn’t feel she deserves it is willing (at the moment)to remain with this situation. She has a string of past relationship honeymoons behind her, this is a pattern which allows her access to love and intimacy without threat to her deeper feelings.

There are moments where she feels sexual, but then it switches off suddenly.

I’d like to ask if others have experienced this kind of behaviour in yourself? I’m looking to understand so I can appreciate what she experiences and help myself through this too.

I’m also looking for hope... is there anyone out there who remained and overcame the shutdowns (somewhat) to be able to receive a more permanent and deeper love.

 

[mamachick]

Without knowing more about her situation, I can understand several scenarios that could cause this. Generally speaking, it is understandable how people do the dance of pursue and withdraw. Often the fear is due to lack of ability to trust (not you personally). With ptsd, it is really hard to open up and be vulnerable which is necessary in a health relationship. Feeling undeserving seems to be common. It is self preservation. I think there is always hope. If you are able to hang in there and accept it on her terms, be trustworthy, imho, its very possible for her to work through this without being pressured. There is always hope and I hope it works out for you.

 

[EveHarrington]

The honeymoon/infatuation is safe in its own right because it’s shallow and not real.

I can’t speak to overcoming this phase and moving on to a deeper love because every guy I had this experience with didn’t want to know the real me.

She may be shutting down when she doesn’t feel safe, when things get too real.

 

[somerandomguy]

Yep, this was me. After my partner's and my honeymoon period ended, sex was scary and difficult again to the point where, after awhile, I just couldn't do it anymore ... for five years or so.

We're still working on it. It probably won't ever be easy for me, but it's a lot better now than it was.

If sex is a relationship deal breaker to you - and it's perfectly okay if it is - you have some hard choices to make.

If you need more details or clarification, let me know.

 

[Fadeaway]

The honeymoon phase never lasts. It either turns into a more mature love, struggles and all, or the relationship fails for a million different reasons.

 

[grit]

IMHO, the best way to be with a person you care and who has this type of avoidant/everything else PTDS is to be healthy or healthier version of yourself.

Rather than focusing and searching what you need to do to her or for her in order to soothe your own ambivalence, I would suggest, you truly find the love for her inside of you and let that radiate outward. In short, just be good to yourself, cooking, cleaning, sleeping, working and being there when she needs you and not trying to change the tide. Enjoy the knowledge you have of her inside of you - that is probably the best gift you can give.

What created childhood PTSD is a parent who either neglected/abused/etc end of that spectrum or who over-rode all boundaries and was super intrusive in the other end of the spectrum. You can see falling into the same trap. Just be there for her and let her feel and embody that safety you provide by not changing the tides of the emotions in order to change her so you get whatever you are lacking within you at this point in time.

Hope that makes sense.