PandaBear12212
Bronze Member
I'm sorry but I have to get this out there, it's building up inside me and every day I'm more miserable. After all my abuse I met the love of my life, after 8 months of dating he moved to North Carolina. I'm from Chicago. We managed to stay together for 2 years, I was head over heels in love with him and he used to support me and be there for me when I was upset.
However after a while he stopped being supportive and he was extremely hurtful. He constantly would call me crazy, over-dramatic, and over-emotional. I tried to explain to him time and time again that these emotions were real and that it was a physical, chemical change in my brain that I had no control over. Any time that I would cry on the phone he would yell at me to shut up and then hang up.
During our relationship he also became a very heavy porn addict. It was to the point where it was very unhealthy, where it was affecting his school work, his religion, his social life, everything. He would rather be watching porn than talk to me. I understand that guys watch it every so often but it was unhealthy and obsessive. It was so bad that at one point he said he was feeling emotionally numb and he didn't love me.
He knew how badly his habits hurt me. It made me feel so insecure about myself that I struggled through anorexia for the second time. He promised me that if he continued he would seek professional help. He also said that he never wanted anyone else and that he would never leave me.
Then a month ago he said that we should break up because he watched it again. I said I wanted to talk things out. He said that we "never had a real relationship" because we were unable to have a constant physical relationship. He also said that every day I made him miserable. He refused to call me and talk to me. He just sent a text saying, "Nothing you can say or do can change my mind. It's over. I'm done with you." The night he left I ended up in the hospital for trying to commit suicide.
Now I am 99% sure he is having "Snapchat Sex" with multiple other woman and it kills me. I physically feel the need for him to talk to me, to hear his voice. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and it has also led to severe attachment problems. Every night I have multiple dreams about him and waking up is the worst feeling ever. Throughout my years with C-PTSD he was the absolute only thing that calmed me down, that kept me sane, that gave me a will to keep living. Every day I feel worse and worse and I was nearly hospitalized for the second time the other day. I feel like I should be in a hospital but I can't afford it. My vision is shaking and twirling and my head is spinning.
However after a while he stopped being supportive and he was extremely hurtful. He constantly would call me crazy, over-dramatic, and over-emotional. I tried to explain to him time and time again that these emotions were real and that it was a physical, chemical change in my brain that I had no control over. Any time that I would cry on the phone he would yell at me to shut up and then hang up.
During our relationship he also became a very heavy porn addict. It was to the point where it was very unhealthy, where it was affecting his school work, his religion, his social life, everything. He would rather be watching porn than talk to me. I understand that guys watch it every so often but it was unhealthy and obsessive. It was so bad that at one point he said he was feeling emotionally numb and he didn't love me.
He knew how badly his habits hurt me. It made me feel so insecure about myself that I struggled through anorexia for the second time. He promised me that if he continued he would seek professional help. He also said that he never wanted anyone else and that he would never leave me.
Then a month ago he said that we should break up because he watched it again. I said I wanted to talk things out. He said that we "never had a real relationship" because we were unable to have a constant physical relationship. He also said that every day I made him miserable. He refused to call me and talk to me. He just sent a text saying, "Nothing you can say or do can change my mind. It's over. I'm done with you." The night he left I ended up in the hospital for trying to commit suicide.
Now I am 99% sure he is having "Snapchat Sex" with multiple other woman and it kills me. I physically feel the need for him to talk to me, to hear his voice. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and it has also led to severe attachment problems. Every night I have multiple dreams about him and waking up is the worst feeling ever. Throughout my years with C-PTSD he was the absolute only thing that calmed me down, that kept me sane, that gave me a will to keep living. Every day I feel worse and worse and I was nearly hospitalized for the second time the other day. I feel like I should be in a hospital but I can't afford it. My vision is shaking and twirling and my head is spinning.
