Calling Troll On New Posters

[ms spock]

Wow, Spock, you used to use /b/?! :hilarious:

:shifty: I am not sure what you mean @Simply Simon. :cautious:

Please explain?

***trembles***

I now know what that means - a city of the trolls. I didn't know that it existed, and here I was thinking I knew something about trolls!

I learn many new things every day.

 

[ms spock]

i think there's a difference between someone who is deliberately trolling vs. someone who has anger issues and difficulty communicating.

A lot of trolls are aware that people feel sympathy for people with issues who are angry and can't express themselves well and they study the patterns and then act them out. These trolls really have too much time on their hands - just flaming people is not enough - the point is to get people incandescent with rage or to lose their shit. Now why people spend good time doing such things I do not know, I guess it, at least keeps them off the streets, like when a bunch of them got the Deltra Goodram site closed down for a weekend or some such.

I have spent too much time on the internet (clearly!) and have come to know these things by watching poor unfortunates getting sucked in. Upon occasion I have been sucked in as well.

Some times trolls will watch a forum for a year or so and tease out as many of the issues that can inflame people and then do a gradual escalation. And how you manage that stuff I have no idea. But long term moderators can apparently spot that stuff.

 

[ms spock]

And really screw Criterion A (Nah just joking) (I didn't get it for the longest time - like you get beaten and sexually abused before school, you stop your father from killing one of your siblings, you go to school you come back and stop your father from killing your mother, then you stay up most of the night trying to prevent sexual abuse of your siblings, you endure constant threats and fear of death - isn't Criterion A just everyone's lived experience in a nuclear family?) And by a type of osmosis I now understand Criterion A, I think that is a good thing.

Someone profoundly wise (No, not me! ;) ) said once there are two types of people in the world those that love Star Trek and those that don't, and then there are the trolls, which both Star Trek fans and non Star Trek fans have to deal with. I think we even aim to be kind to the Star Wars fans (it is not their fault George Lucas isn't sensible enough to hire scriptwriters.) But feeding the trolls - I would often go and say on our forum "Please people, Don't Feed The Trolls!" and sometimes they would stop reacting. Another one is "It is a rich tapestry!" and if people don't feed the trolls by responding, over reacting or commenting they actually go away in the end. I was on one forum - people would troll and they wouldn't even get one comment. Everyone would read the post and go "Oh a troll!" and continue onwards with the conversation.

Being banned is a form of containment - it is direct communication that your behaviour is unacceptable. You can have sympathy for a person who loses their rag on a mental health forum - yeah we all get it, but to start to be tolerant of troll like behaviour you open pandora's box.

(Equally important are the ABBA/Disco Fans and those that are not ABBA/Disco Fans but that is for another discussion.)

 

[rightkindofme]

It took me four days to read this thread so my responses will... maybe not feel relevant at this point. Ha!

Earlier in the thread some folks said that new people can feel intimidated when established people feel very comfortable sharing all the details of their traumas and this can lead to a "one-up" kind of mentality.

I am absolutely one of the people who is most comfortable sharing the nitty gritty about my trauma. There aren't many questions I would consider too personal or explicit. I will talk about my life. ... But I talk about it in writing. I am not very good about talking about these things in real life. I have mastered the online persona thing.

It isn't necessarily that folks here have established such a strong sense of trust with other forum members. It is that everyone has vastly different things that make them comfortable or not. For me, being silent about my traumas is highly distressing.

Additionally, I saw some earnest requests for behaviors that would be less distressing to new people. We should be kinder and gentler about how we bring those folks into the forum-fold. Err... that's a lot of work. A LOT of work. I'm not that active on the forum because I have repetitive stress injury issues and typing can cause me so much nerve pain that I can't pick up a tea cup. Saying that I should give longer, more complicated, more 101 level help to every.single.person. who comes on the forum is... just not feasible. No. I would not be able to function. I don't think that the other longer-term members have an endless amount of ability to coax people from whatever fragile position they are in to safety.

Working with traumatized people is really hard. The people who are here do what they can. Probably... we can't do a lot more.

Some members are really good at being gentle with folks who need coaxing. Some members are better at delivering a Clue by 4 to the back of someone's head. I believe there is room for both approaches. Sometimes a Clue by 4 teaches me what I need to know. For example, Anthony is big on these one or two sentence zingers that label the maladaptive thinking/coping method you are using. That can feel... kind of harsh sometimes.

But seriously? He should have to baby-talk it each time? That... would not work out so well. Not everyone is sweet and gentle. There is room for all of us.

But mostly we have to be able to heal ourselves. The forum and the forum members can help us find tools, but we have to apply them to our own problems on our own. No one here can do it for us. We are all people with problems. We can't necessarily take on the work of making someone else's problems easier for them. We can only share what has worked for us.

I really liked the references to cancer support and hair loss. I have a lot of triggers around food stuff (severe neglect as a kid) and on the one hand... people think I should talk to folks with eating disorders. Then I do! And I find out that if we get too much into the nitty gritty... I will probably hurt them and they might hurt me. I don't have anorexia nervosa and I should not act like I do even though sometimes I punish myself by starving myself. The root of the problem is *so* different.

I appreciate that this forum is here when I can handle showing up.

 

[StellaBlue]

Some members are really good at being gentle with folks who need coaxing. Some members are better at delivering a Clue by 4 to the back of someone's head. I believe there is room for both approaches.

This is one of the things I like best about this forum - there are so many different folks, different approaches, different personalities. If everyone felt and acted the same way towards everyone, I'd never learn anything new. The stuff I don't like or don't agree with...I can ignore it.

 

[BlueOrange]

Ignoring the stuff I don't like is hard for me, given my history involves a lot of concern about how people see me. (I was refused treatment for a broken leg because I was perceived as being a wimp.)

However, it has been therapeutic for me to learn to accept the imperfections of this place - to recognize that something can be 'very good' without being 'perfect'. Perhaps 'very good' can be enough.

I'm unlikely to stop wanting the things that I want. I don't think I'm being an asshole about it anymore, so I shouldn't be too difficult to ignore if people don't like it.

 

[StellaBlue]

:):):)

Ignoring the stuff I don't like is hard for me, given my history involves a lot of concern about how people see me. (I was refused treatment for a broken leg because I was perceived as being a wimp.)

Maybe ignoring is not the right word - "choosing not to react" might be a better way to look at it. I have an ex who likes to bait me, and I used to like to bite at the bait. When I finally realized my "goal" was to be in a more peaceful place, I was able to choose not to respond - it was hard - mostly because I felt I had to defend myself. From what you've said here and in the posts I've read about you, you seem to have a desire to defend the helpless - which is a wonderful trait. But this is the "internets" and trolls there be...or if not trolls, then seriously damaged folks (myself included) who are only known by the words they type.

However, it has been therapeutic for me to learn to accept the imperfections of this place - to recognize that something can be 'very good' without being 'perfect'. Perhaps 'very good' can be enough.

And here is the good part - it is very good. It is not "live" human contact - but it's a place to practice, to learn (even if it's learning to not listen). And what I would offer is, remove the "very good" - enough is perfect...how can anyone want more than what is enough? When it stops being enough, then that's good as well - because you've gone searching for something more than what you're getting (if that makes sense).

I'm unlikely to stop wanting the things that I want. I don't think I'm being an asshole about it anymore, so I shouldn't be too difficult to ignore if people don't like it.

You should never not want what you want...wanting, desires, longings...they're just feelings. Recognizing that you might not get what you want and accepting that is what is important.

I kind of view this place (no offense to anyone here) as the island of broken toys. I used to assume everyone around me was as broken as I was and when it was pointed out to me that that wasn't the case (either by circumstances or by someone else - say a doctor in a hospital where I have been committed for observation), I felt so very alone. Finding this forum has been immensely helpful in my healing because I can know that there are others out there that have the same "experiences" (not the same events exactly, but the same responses). It's helped me make sense of myself. It's helped me see that I am not a tangled mess but part of a web.

I am babbling...but I hope this makes sense :).