Can Anyone Help Me? :c

[BrazenBull]

I have PTSD for a few reasons

I moved to another country when I was young and I was alone and bullied for 4 years. I moved out for 2 years because I felt like no one wanted me around. Some people I know and family were murdered. My brother likes to beat the shit out of me when he's angry about himself

I tried drugs to solve the problem, it was good at first but after a while I realised its just making everything worse for me

I've tried transferring schools and it did help a little because I finally found friends that will actually put up with it. My friends seem to be OK with it, but my family just doesn't care about me anymore.

I don't have money for medication or a therapist.

The last time I tried using drugs to calm myself down was Christmas Eve, Christmas, and my 18th birthday on Dec 26 2010 I was having a bit of a withdraw after that but I really wanted to stop and I did.

I usually freak out when I feel alone, or feel cornered, I'm tense at school all day and I start getting all jumpy, tense, nervous, and get muscle twitches when someone talks to me or touches me.

Some things just really make me explode though, and I don't know how to relax (note that I'm usually a calm sweet shy kind of person), also I have suicidal thoughts sometimes.

I think I really need help, this is the only place I can turn to, other forums didn't help me at all, no one bothered replying.

Is there any way I can help myself to get better?

 

[MurphyJB]

Welcome to the forum. I don't har any sort of amazing advice to give, but know that I hear you. This is a goosbplace to come. The people here are amazing. I'm sure someone will come along soon with some amazing words of wisdom. Hang in there.

-MJ

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi BrazenBull,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm so proud of you for stopping the drug use! Good for you!
Have you spoken to a mental health counselor at your school? They would know of resources and help that you could access.
Online is great for support; but face-to-face counseling and help is crucial for healing and recovery.

There are places that offer counseling and help for free (funded by grants) or greatly reduced fees, based on income...
Depending upon the school, they can offer free help, or direct you to centers (such as Victims Assistance Centers).

Mindfulness techniques can be very helpful at reducing symptoms and helping you relax and cope.
You might want to google Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn. That might be very helpful for you.

Books by the Nobel Peace-Prize Nominee Thich Nhat Hanh can be very helpful, as well. He wrote a very good one about anger.

There are many resources here, and the members are very caring and supportive.

Did you receive a formal diagnosis of PTSD from a testing psychologist?
It is very dangerous to diagnose yourself. If you haven't yet been examined for it, please do so, asap. You don't want to focus on PTSD based on symptoms, otherwise you might be overlooking a problem that would be treated differently. Also, please don't think that a support forum can substitute for therapy... we cannot. There is a lot the forum can do, but we cannot take the essential healing role of a therapist.

With caring and concern...

 

[KP the nut]

Hi BrazenBull, welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry you are having/had such a hard time however self diagnosis is not recommended and to take control of your life it helps to be guided by professionals.

The articles on the home page are well worth reading and they should put things into perspective. Try to learn some grounding/coping techniques, they can make a big difference. Also reading threads helped me realise that what i was feeling was normal for PTSD. I've made friends here I am no longer alone.

I know you said you don't have the money but if possible go and see a doctor as soon as possible. Alternatively there may be a charity or church organisation which can provide counselling. There is no quick fix to PTSD, in fact there is no fix. It is possible to take control of your life but it is a long hard road.

Wishing you healing
KP

 

[BrazenBull]

Thanks guys C:
I've already been to the guidance counsellor and she knows that I might have PTSD but I don't go there often for unknown reasons.

I seem so isolated from everyone else.. but I'll try to be more open with the guidance councillor in person.

If only there was some way I could talk to her on-line. I have a horrible habit of talking in short phrases that don't help either of us and sometimes I just don't reply. I will try going there as soon as I can , maybe on Thursday since I have a 6 hr break and I'm alone that day.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Oh BrazenBull,

Good for you!
That's exactly what you need to do, to begin receiving the help that you need.
Reaching out for help can be scary, but it's the right thing to do, so you can heal.
I'm very proud of you!

 

[Iam]

Welcome to the forum BrazenBull :) Just want you to know that you are incredibly wise to be reaching out. That takes courage and strength, both of which will get you far in the healing process.

As other's have said it is very important to be evaluated by a professional mental health specialist. You referred to your guidance counselor. Is he or she a mental heal professional or just a counselor to help determine possible career goals and what courses to take? If so he or she cannot really help guide you in your recovery, but may be able to point you to community resources that are free/low cost for students.

You said that you tend to speak in short phrases or don't answer at all, that it is easier to email. I too have found it easier to write than to speak. Somehow it helps me to organize my thoughts better. Talking about traumas is extremely hard and can be overwhelming, but it is very important to do so.

In any rate, we are here to support you in your journey. Hugs to you and wishing you all the best!

 

[Joey_Phi]

Hi! I feel ya, I was suicidal for years, but I am feeling amazing today so there is hope!

I got PTSD after being repeatedly assaulted and the only thing that helped me a bit was doing deep breathing exercises and meditation... Until someone recommended healing with ayahuasca (which has saved my life and made me recover completely), but this might be a bit difficult for you as you would have to come to the Amazon jungle... LOL

Make a list of situations that give you anxiety and try to avoid them. If you can't, breathing exercises will def help. Personally, I would avoid medication. Made me feel like a zombie and not care about anything... Raw food diet and yoga! Good luck :)

 

[BrazenBull]

Thanks alot guys, this means alot to me and my teacher took up psychology and said he wants to talk to me instead because he realized that I don't act as lively as the others and somehow he knew that i had it.

I was actually to shy to go to the guidance counselor because,again i don't know what to say and he wants to talk with me along with one of the girls i like to follow around (not stalking her lol).
Any tips for opening up to people? I've been a total shut in since I was 11 and I'm not totally sure but I think I kind of relive my past of having the feeling of separation and loneliness when I attempt to open up to people. Which is why I can't really talk to girls I like either. I feel like If I were to go into an intimate Relationship, I would just end up hurting them in the end.

 

[track108]

Brazen you should learn some grounding techniques for the fidgets.

I too have problems with talking face to face about my PTSD. I talk to my psych over IM its easier and it doesn't feel like I'm in danger.

 

[BrazenBull]

That sounds alot better. x_x Maybe I can write the answers to his questions on a piece of paper as hes asking.

 

[track108]

I also don't suggest getting into a serious relationship till you have it under some sort of control.

I have been divorced and gone thru a couple girlfriends. I caused one to have to go to counseling cause of my verbally abusing her, but all cases are different.

So take my suggestion with a grain of salt.