Can you help me understand why this bothers me (T said it’s tragic anyone has my disorder)?

[beaneeboo]

I have a very good therapist (clinical Psychologist). 6 months in and I have to say I feel very well held and contained in general. But I've been struggling with knowing how to accept my diagnosis of having a dissociative disorder. Been having glimpses of seeing how it fits. And when that happens it really gets me down, and effects me physically also (body collapse). All part and parcel of very strong denial, which I'm aware of and working on.

Today was a day I felt a sense of hopelessness because I can see more and more how my dissociative disorder plays out in my life. That I'm going to have to fully accept it at some point...

My therapist, a few times now, has said that no one wants to celebrate having a dissociative disorder (true I guess) and that (and this is the bit I feel weird about), that it's absolutely 'tragic' that it happens to people and they have to deal with it...

I've been surprised each time he's said it. Because I guess to me it shows an insensitivity. Like, if I'm struggling on one level to accept it, why say something like that? And part of me wants to say 'Stop feeling sorry for me'... or sees it as patronising

I'm not having a massive reaction to this. But it is bugging me and I can't figure out quite why.

 

[Teamwork]

We don’t celebrate it because it is tragic. We have to learn as we go through therapy that what was done to us was wrong and we end up with a lot of recovery work to do through no fault of our own. 6 months in you would struggle to understand the kindness in his acknowledging your injury is now your work to do. A not your fault injury but also not necessary and yet here you are trying to come to terms with how your mind dealt with it. It is a long road to discover we didnt’ deserve to be treated the way we were and we did deserve better. Mine does call it an injury. That made more sense to me. He does say things more than once because he knows that it isn’t easy for me to absorb these messages. As you get through the next 6 months you’ll find yourself growing. Eventually you will see who you are when you have skills to stay grounded and present. The tough work is uncovering what was stolen from you that caused you to step away. As you come back, as you figure out what you feel, how to stay in the body then you will feel more solidly your own person. Think about being injured and the bodies reaction is to move away from the injury, ie dissociate. Typically, if a child is injured the parent soothes them. We tended to not get that soothing because they did the injuring sometimes so frequently that we learned to step away. The disorder is that even though we are no longer in that time zone we still step away as if we are in danger. Hope that helps.

 

[Friday]

I tend to think of dissociative disorders as badass in the extreme. Literally. That brains are THAT adaptable, and that hearts & minds are THAT dynamic? Is pretty f*cking cool. Which does NOT mean I think any resulting disorders & conditions are, much less the challenges, pain, & struggle they bring. But when the alternative is death &/or madness? The STRENGTH it takes to adapt? On both a physiological & individual/personal basis? Is wicked.

 

[No More]

Kind of makes sense to me.

I do think it’s tragic that such awful things happen to people that this is the (quite amazing) way their brain has had to adapt to cope. Those things should never ever have happened.

Makes sense that if you are in denial, those things are too much right now to think about.

 

[Abstract]

I think you should just discuss it with her directly and see what she says. You have a good relationship with her.

I think it's the experiences that cause the dissociation that are tragic or awful. Not dissociation. Dissociation is incredible and clever and about you protecting yourself in the way you had access to. Dissociation is brilliant. And it's now about changing responses in a way that is more suitable and adaptive to present times.

But of course its massive to accept. On so many levels. So natural. Whenever we experience new big information about our lives and functioning. And with this, what it represents too.

I'm also not sure I would love the particular word "tragic". I get what you mean in that regard.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Glad the new therapy is going well

Maybe he's trying to help you link in to trying to start the horrific thing that is the grieving process attached to having a discociative disorder diagnosis? You're not tragic, not in the slightest, but what has happened to you, to cause said fragmentation, is very much in that ball park. Is the reaction denial based, protective, it wasn't *that bad* type of argument in your head....

I'm guessing T is trying to bring some compassion and lessen the denial to accept the diagnosis for what it is... and begin to feel the emotion to grieve for what happened, and what was missed.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Maybe I am getting this wrong but it sounds like empathy to me, an acknowledgment of your struggle.

 

[arfie]

your t's assessment of dissociation is bugging me because i believe it is inaccurate and feeding a common stigma. i second @Abstract 's premise that dissociation, itself, is both natural and beneficial. the tragedies are in the traumatic events which carry dissociation to dysfunctional extremes. well-used, dissociation helps me through tedious events like waiting in long lines, monotonous public presentations, well intended propaganda recitals, etc., etc.

badly used in survival extremes? ? ? well? ? ? those results can be quite tragic. i hold it as a question of balance.

just opining from my strictly personal view.

steadying support while you sort your own.

for what it's worth
i hold radical acceptance as a key element in my own recovery, even when i am radically accepting pure bullshit. it's easier to sort the chaff from the grain when i look at it as it is, without judgement, in full view and light of day. swept into the stuffy closets of repression, it has the freedom to morph into genuinely tragic proportions and shapes.

 

[Movingforward10]

Maybe what he said is the opposite of what disassociation allows us to do?
Disassociation = block out and separate from the tragedy
Him ackwnloeding the tragedy puts it out there.
Which can be jarring.
It's going against the internal messages.

 

[scout86]

My T used to say similar things occasionally. It was a little jarring because I'd honestly never thought of it. You know, life was just life, things were what they were, drive on. Eventually, I realized that this

the tragedies are in the traumatic events which carry dissociation to dysfunctional extremes.

is what he meant. He thought it was unfair and unfortunate that anyone, ever, had to deal with the kind of things that lead to PTSD and all that goes with it. Granted, my T never used the word "tragic", but I think it was the same general idea.

 

[beaneeboo]

Hi everyone, thank you for ALL of your responses ... I can always rely on such well considered opinions and thoughts from people here... people who understand, which is worth alot! I took alot from everyone of your posts

Reading all your replies helped me to think about the situation.. on reflection, I think T has communicated a number of times that dissociation is an amazing bodily response to an abnormal way of being treated... or to harmful attachment etc...so he has clarified that before... and I think he meant well with his comment, but it still bothered me..

in the last session, I became quite tearful because the idea of accepting that I really do have a dissociative disorder, was accompanied by this feeling of 'I'm really f*cked up'...a kind of shame feeling.. and a 'I'm not who I thought I was' feeling, and that felt scary.. as well as some how shameful? Because parts of me have been protesting so strongly about having a disorder... and that's the feeling perspective I've taken predominantly.... it's been my world view about who i am and how i see the world....

it feels very different in my body to accept I have the disorder...Threatening.... so what you said @Midnightmoon about my reaction maybe being denial based, would make sense... and it's helpful to suggest that he's actually trying to be compassionate by encouraging me to accept the diagnosis and see it for what it is....I hadn't thought of it like that...I think that probably is his intention... but it's not how I was able to receive it...

So I guess, with all that in mind, hearing my T say that it's tragic I have it just heightened that threat even more... and kind of distances me a bit from him... but it's no biggie... and @Movingforward10 i think it's true that him acknowledging the tragedy puts it out there which is jarring but is going against the grain of the dissociation... (like you say, to block out and separate from it...) which is what maybe I'm trying to do by getting bothered by what he said rather than feel the tragedy of it, which seems unbearable... so yes it is defo going against the internal messages... which is why maybe the reaction..

yes @Abstract maybe I should say something about it to him...

Thanks for all your thoughts

 

[Rose White]

him acknowledging the tragedy puts it out there which is jarring but is going against the grain of the dissociation... (like you say, to block out and separate from it...) which is what maybe I'm trying to do by getting bothered by what he said rather than feel the tragedy of it, which seems unbearable...

Wise of you to notice this