Sufferer Can Anyone Relate? New Here.

[Chesapeake]

Hi everyone, new heard (obviously). Also I hope it's okay but I am self diagnosing and on this site to see if I can find some relief or support concerning my ailments.

Long time depression/anxiety sufferer. Been through a lot of crazy stuff in succession that I believe has caused PTSD symptoms. Nightmares, panic attacks, disassociation, etc. I've been able to work through the majority of my significant problems (problems that kept me from being a functioning adult.)

I discovered recently that I have a huge tendency to space out. I didn't know before I was married since it helped me cope just fine. But that behavior is not conducive to a healthy marriage. I also have a generalized feeling of depression and anxiety at times that increases at night. Since I've been facing this escaping behavior head on, I've had to find different coping skills for my feelings. Its such a struggle. My nightmares have increased as well as flashbacks. Apparently I've been avoiding these things for so long. I'm trying mindfulness, assessing how my surroundings make me feel (sensory defensiveness) and I guess today I again am working on acceptance of my reality. With that comes more fears, mostly about my future.

As I'm working on recovering, it seems like it gets harder. Also, sometimes when I think about sharing my past and the specific things that triggered my PTSD I feel like maybe I should have not reacted this way. Like, as if the situation wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be since when I look around, other people are coping just fine. This is probably faulty reasoning....

Can anyone relate? Thanks.

 

[Laurajayne27]

Welcome! Absolutely relate to you.

I also feel like maybe I'm over reacting and think maybe things weren't as bad as I remembered. It's your own attempt at minimising. Another coping strategy.


I find the more insight I have the more I learn it doesn't get any easier as such, just knowing you are not alone and helping yourself the best you can is all you can do sometimes.

Spacing out is my favourite past time. When you say you've been working through your stuff, do you mean in therapy?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Chesapeake,

Welcome to the forum!

Symptoms of various disorders can overlap, and that is why it is important to get a diagnosis from a mental health professional. There are very specific forms of therapy that work with PTSD, while various "tools" can help with the symptoms regardless of the underlying cause.

Getting a good therapist can help you to help yourself as you work on your recovery. I also hope you find this forum beneficial to your healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome.

Self-diagnosis isn't really an option. That is, I encourage you to seek professional help to get a correct diagnosis as to know exactly what you're dealing with. It's possible that you have PTSD, but if you have a significant amount of dissociation, you may have another disorder as well. The diagnostic process is more involved than checking off a list of symptoms, so that's why I say it's best to consult with a psychiatrist.

 

[Chesapeake]

Part of "my working on my stuff" is in therapy and part of it is on my own. I've been in and out of therapy since I've been 15 years old. I also majored in Psychology (not that it give me a license to diagnose myself) and have a mild obsession with all things psychology related (also since I was about 15). I think that was partly a way for me to understand what was going on around me and understand myself better. It was a survival tool.

Right now I"m seeing a therapist but the situation is tricky because it's on a military base and we are overseas. They have limited resources and I would not want them to send me to the states away from my husband unnecessarily. She is working with me on "self esteem" which is helpful in that it is cognitive therapy about biased negative core beliefs and how they play out. I also see a psychiatrist who is consulting me on medications I'm taking.

In conjunction with this I've been working through a DTT workbook. (slowly). And, I have read in depth about Schema Therapy recently. (again a mild obsession). ( or maybe we can call it a passion and intellectual interest in this area :)

I have been officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My disassociation isn't that severe, but I see it interrupting my ability to care for my home, myself, and my dog well. This is a recent discovery.

Also, the thought that I might have PTSD is also pretty recent. It happened when I woke up one morning having had a traumatic nightmare about the twin towers collapsing in a pool and everyone was not bothered by it except me. I have traumatizing flashbacks of a near death medical experience that happened about 3 years ago. And my hyper vigilance as significantly decreased from freaking out on every overpass and in every elevator, to just freaking out mildly to loud plans nearby and places that have lights and lots of people.

The night is the time that causes the most distress at the moment. It's been here for as long as I can remember. I feel like I don't feel comfort and peace. I can't settle down and feel safe. Once in a while I can but it's like a sense of relief more than a sense of safety and comfort. I use ativan any night other coping techniques don't work. The therapist suggested a pleasant nighttime routine and sleep hygiene which I have found helpful for about a week...And I'm not sure how long that will last because theres always this underlying feeling that something terrible is going to happen right around the corner. If not right around the corner, then the one thing that is for sure is death is inevitable and that becomes its own trauma in of itself.

 

[Bedbug]

Hi @Chesapeake. I am sure you will find lots of advice on here for managing your symptoms but, like others who have already replied, I am concerned that you have self-diagnosed.

From
[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/articles/posttraumatic-stress-disorder.7/[/DLMURL]

Self-Diagnosis

The worst view any individual can have towards a diagnosis is an attempt to self diagnose, or fit themselves within a diagnosis. Diagnosis does not work that way. The key you must know about diagnosis is that every diagnosis comes with assessment tools. These are a set of industry questionnaires that have been tailored to find specific responses across a range of emotional, individual and lifestyle aspects. There are practical components that can only be assessed face-to-face with a trained physician. Without these combined tools of assessment, a diagnosis is just words. [8]

That said, I self-diagnosed at first and I suspect many do. I read the criteria and the questionnaires. I ticked the boxes. But I didn't have the knowledge, the training or the perspective to diagnose myself. Luckily I saw a professional soon afterwards and, also luckily, I had got my diagnosis right. I would urge you to do this as soon as possible. Like Solara said, there could be something else going on and it is vitally important that you know what you are dealing with. Even if you don't go in to therapy after receiving your diagnosis, please get a diagnosis.

Edited as I didn't see your last post before posting mine. It sounds like you already have professionals working with you who will be able to tell you whether PTSD is an appropriate diagnosis. That's great. Please speak to them about this.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In light of your second post I am extremely concerned over your self-diagnosing. You cannot possibly see yourself in an objective manor and have a preoccupation that may perhaps border on obsession with making this diagnosis fit into what you perceive to be PTSD.

 

[Chesapeake]

Well, I think you guys are taking that too seriously. I am not an irresponsible person. I came to this forum to see if I could find helpful ideas on how to cope or recover from this, but maybe this is not the place to be if people react this way. I'm not trying to fit into any diagnosis. It dawned on me that possibly what I've been struggling with for so long is this and not just depression and anxiety. With any illness, you have to be your own advocate and truly deep down you only know what it is that is going on with you. People, even professionals can take educated guess at that and use scientific method to find out if that is more or less correct. I've never been one to just sit back and let the therapist do all the work. I work hard personally to overcome my own issues so I can live a productive life. This is probably why I have achieved so much considering all that I have gone through.

Considering your responses, I would rather not say what it is that I went through because you don't seem like safe people to share with. But if you are curious, I do believe that if I shared it, you would in fact consider my thoughts about me having PTSD to me more true than not. As with any other health concern, it can take years to find an accurate diagnosis, and years to find the most beneficial treatment.

 

[Bedbug]

With any illness, you have to be your own advocate

I agree. I also know that you might have got your self-diagnosis right and that you might be misdiagnosed by a professional. I just wanted you to have the best possible guidance and the best possible chance of healing from this.

I am sorry if my response made you feel unwelcome. That certainly wasn't my intention. I applaud your desire to help yourself and hope that you will find support here.

 

[bell]

@Chesapeake, while I understand why you may be offended, I don't think any of these responses were made in that light. To me, your frequent use of "obsession" in regarding to psychology and diagnoses is worrying. Sometimes it's easier to self diagnose because then we can give our problems a label. However, doing so can be detrimental as well.

The reasons why these responses are such is that people come here all the time self diagnosing themselves and given the fact that PTSD is on the news a lot, the same people think they have PTSD... when they don't. The truth is, I don't think anyone here would wish PTSD on anyone. It is a terrible somewhat debilitating disorder that is very serious.

Getting proper diagnosis is key to getting better. There should be no reason why you need to be sent back overseas for help. If you're on a mil base, then someone there should be trained in trauma. Don't stop until you can see them or get a private reference to see someone else trained in trauma.

Taking offense here will do nothing to help your "obsessions" and only make you obsess more, so instead of running from the forum, read through the forums here in conjunction with getting the help you need. Focus on getting help, not on what the diagnosis may be.

 

[Pencil]

it can take years to find an accurate diagnosis, and years to find the most beneficial treatment.

I agree, and although I agree with the others that an official diagnosis is needed, we have to keep in mind that ptsd is routinely misdiagnosed (as anxiety or depression!).

 

[Chesapeake]

I was sort of making a tiny jab at myself by using the term "obsession". When I was younger, I found psychology to be very fascinating in that I could use this knowledge to understand people better and make effective change in my life and surroundings. I also used this a lot to combat a lot of the trauma I was experiencing, Part of which was psychological. And, I used it to help me overcome little by little. I went on to study it because I just wanted to graduate college (I majored in other things at first) and ended up working as a behavioral therapist working with children who have special needs. My recent study of psychology has more to do with marital problems. And so, I don't really study for the sake of studying, rather it usually is to meet a need.

As far as the military base goes, its a bit tricky being a dependent and not the actual military person. This base has limited accommodations for military families and a friend of mine who was recently diagnosed and attempted treatment for another anxiety related mental illness was sent back to the states and she is in the military. I wish that they were more helpful but sometimes they are not. I think my success will have to be mostly done on my own while I am here and possibly more with a therapist when I'm back in the states. I currently can only see the therapist once a month for 30 minute sessions. Also, I don't really feel like it's a safe place to share what I'm going through. They don't have the same confidentiality agreement as a civilian therapist would have.

I am still looking on the site here for help. So far I've found one particularly helpful thing which is steps to handle emotional flashbacks. It's already helping, and I'm journaling a lot. I think I feel stuck a lot in my teenage age trauma and forget that I was in fact rescued from it. I was sent to juvenile hall then to a group home all that were institutions, places I feel safe. Many of my recent flashbacks happen at home.