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Can My Marriage Be Rescued

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DaveyMac

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This is my first post, so let me explain. I am a man in my early 40's, four years ago I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and depression, stemming from a two year period of repeated sexual abuse by a male teacher. This has gone through the criminal courts, he plead guilty to all charges and is currently in prison. There is a civil case being initiated by my solicitors to take to task the various institutions and policys which allowed this man to abuse children even though there were previous concerns and allegations about him.
Anyway, the upshot of this, the last fours years, since I made my statement to the police, and since I finally admitted to myself that this abuse had actually happened the way it did, have been a living nightmare for me with two suicide attempts which hospitalised me, one actually put me in intensive care, followed by two inpatient stays in a brilliant Mental Health Institute, continous weekly counselling and monthly visits to a psychiatrist, along with various and somtimes changing medication treatments. My current state of mind is cloudy but by far the most hurtful outcome of all of this is that my wife, my rock, my partner for over 20 years (since our teens) has for the sake of her own mental health, had to leave me. The stress of looking after our ill teenage daughter, and the constant support she has givem to me (in her words she said she lived in constant fear of the phone call, or coming home to find me dead), has taken too much of a toll on her mentally and she had a nervous breakdown, she has moved to live with her sister nearby, and our contact is at the moment minimal. I suppose my question is, can I get the woman that I love more than life itself back?
 
I think you can. As painful as things are right now, it sounds like you are doing everything right. The recent nightmare that you describe was bound to happen; that trauma was always going to come to the surface, and I'd be surprised if it DIDN'T turn your world upside down the way it has. That's just how it works. The good news is that you're finally working through it, and as you develop more coping skills and talk about it more, you'll get stronger and have things under control. And then you'll be in a better place to get your wife back.

I think she did the right thing in this situation, too. You need to get through this on your own, and if she had to leave to save her own sanity, then good for her for being able to walk away for her own health. That doesn't mean she's walked away forever. Twenty years is a long time, and I think if you can pull yourself together and show her that you're healing, that you're really trying, she might give you another chance. I don't know how long ago she left you, but I think you will need to give her, and yourself, a considerable amount of time to process all this.

BUT one more important thing -- get better for your own sake, not for your wife. Healing for someone else never really works.
 
^^I can't add anything more than what Casey so thoroughly articulated... but I wanted you to know that I listened and hear you and wish you much compassion and care for yourself in this time.
 
Agree wholeheartedly with @Casey_03 You both need therapy, coping skills, and time.... I think being a member of this website is also a very good place for you to come to and read as much as you can, get support and to be understood....
 
I have touted this book over and over. But it's good. Screenshot_2016-09-22-16-52-52.webp
 
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