Sexual Assault Cannot cry

[RoadtoHappy]

Hi,

I am wondering if anyone else has an issue with not being able to cry? I feel so stuck and have all the urges to cry especially when in therapy but I just cant.

I sometimes cry after being intimate with my husband and have had two major panic attacks before going to my T's office which caused some tears but in general when we are discussing what happened, I cannot cry. Its like I feel it build up, I feel the anxiety and nausea build up too and then I either have a panic attack or feel like I could explode. I feel crying would be such a release of emotions but I just cant seem to get there and it is very frustrating.

My background is I was r##ed and sexually assaulted by a stranger and old man when I was 14. Never told a soul for almost 10 years and then the last 5 years my PTSD has come on full swing. Parents also divorced when I was 5 and I was molested by a neighbor around that time. I am very strong minded and decided after the trauma to just get on with things and ignore my feelings as crying back then didn't help me. Now I feel like I am broken and the emotions and feelings will be trapped inside me forever. I have done 6 months of intensive and really tough CBT and processing in therapy so cant understand why I cannot touch with my emotions especially when I want to and we are talking about the trauma.

Anyone else experience this or am I actually broken.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Hi,

I am wondering if anyone else has an issue with not being able to cry? I feel so stuck and have al...

I have problems with crying too, you aren't alone :hug: I couldn't cry at all for the longest time; I am doing a little better, but still struggle to cry. I understand that feeling, the emotional buildup when you just want to cry and you can't, I have had that happen too.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I have had a few random break down cries from extreme emotions that built up and reacted similar to a panic attack. I never cried when I was doing cbt. During emdr I have had tears seep out of the corners of my eyes, but no actual “cry.”

 

[Mel]

Hi,

I am wondering if anyone else has an issue with not being able to cry? I feel so stuck and have al...

When I was younger I could not cry but now I do...it does help...best wishes

 

[Justmehere]

I feel the anxiety and nausea build up too and then I either have a panic attack or feel like I could explode

That’s a fight or flight response. It’s a common reaction to trauma. It’s not a sign of you being “broken” but that trauma happened and you are working through it.

Holding back tears is probably a defense mechanism right now. Eventually, you may not need it anymore.

Keep working through what does come up, and you’ll hopefully be able to feel more in time.

 

[Mel]

I have had a few random break down cries from extreme emotions that built up and reacted similar to a pa...

Did emdr help

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Did emdr help

EMDR is helping with my trauma stuff. It is hard work and taking awhile and needs to be done by a very encouraging T (like mine). Sometimes, I opt out, due to an incredibly stressful week, which slows the process, but the amount of work your brain does from it is exhausting and sometimes I don’t have it in me to add fuel to the fire.

 

[The Albatross]

Depends (if/when you can cry or not) how hard, how many, how fast the hits were. I stopped at 24/25 and have only shed a tear, or one or two since then (57 now). BUT (big assed but), I had a fundamental change. I had stopped hoping that the adversity would quit/stop coming. Being reality based, I knew (had ample evidence) that it would not.

People will still say how healing it is, but I don't f'ing believe them... what works is doing the WORK of myth busting. I could cry a f*ing river but my father and grand father and father in law would still be dead. My crazy making family and my brain/cognition/ptsd issues would still be there. Who the hell cares when/if/for how long I can cry? Kansas - Two Cents Worth (music video)

 

[Mel]

EMDR is helping with my trauma stuff. It is hard work and taking awhile and needs to be done by a very...

Thanks

 

[Suzetig]

CBT isn't intended to facilitate emotional release, the cognitive part of the therapy is about how you think and understand on the basis that if your way of thinking changes, your feelings will too. If you're looking for therapy to help with tears and emotions you might be better looking at a more relational therapy e.g. psychodynamic or person centred work.

I'm not sure how necessary tears are to heal tbh, I've cried a lot but the deepest work tends to be beyond tears. Crying can be cathartic if you need a release but in and of itself it doesn't "mean" anything so may or may not help you heal depending on your personality.