Can't Fight Anymore

[Doc1]

It's been a while since I've posted, but need some advice. I've been doing my best to fight the anger anf put on a happy face for my wife and family, but I'm just too tired to keep going this way. Right now I'm alone (my wife and kids are with my family) and I'm drinking for the first time in months. I don't know if it's fair to my wife and kids to put them through this anymore. I love them, but need to really take care of myself to take care of them. The nightmares don't go away or get any better. I wish my wife knew how much I love her, but she's tired too. Just rambling now...... not sure who I can really trust to talk to anymore.

 

[Grizzly]

Brother you need to get treatment immediately.

If you have to check into a program then do so.

Lastly the alcohol isn't going to help for the long haul.

 

[Spock]

You can't take care of your family or anyone else until you take care of yourself. It's a long trail Doc, you gotta take it one step at a time. Anger seems like the only emotion left for all of us at many times. You need to develop coping skills and know when and how to distract. Alcohol is self medication until you develop better skills. Suggest you find a vet retreat to get away and reconnect to find the camaraderie you miss.

 

[Spock]

BTW, there are many programs that pat your way to these retreats, escapes

 

[Lurch]

Doc, understand and I am there with ya. First you do need to seek treatment. Help yourself before you can help others. Don't worry how long it takes, but mark the small successes. Get you wife to mark those success with you and try to not focus on what still needs work. The more you try to include her the more she will understand and be there for you (in my personal experience).

I sat my wife down and had a talk with her. She is a very smart individual with a Masters degree in the medical field, but she was having a hard time understanding the anger thing that we go through. I kept the conversation simple and we talked about the flight or fight response. I told her that through my experiences the flight portion has been removed and all I know is to fight. No matter how much I know removing myself from a situation is the right or best thing, the fight response kicks in. Quite evident when I almost get in a verbal battle with a Park Ranger when he demanded I turnover paperwork for my service dog in violation of the ADA. He even looked shocked when I became angery and aggressive.

Talking with the family, to me, is half the battle. You must acknowledge to yourself you have issues and then you need to talk with your family and they need to acknowledge that it you understand what is going on.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Hey Doc,
I am one of the old Nam vets, I have been dealing with this shit for over 40+ years. So if I and us other old Nam vets can get this far SO CAN YOU BROTHER......As has been said above, get to a Vet Center, or some form of treatment as soon as you can........You have now learned that you can not fight the anger, all of us had to learned this as well......Fighting the anger is a no win deal!!! So you have now made the first step.......Doc, you have a lot of Brothers and Sisters here to help you, just keep asking.......

J R

 

[Spock]

...Fighting the anger is a no win deal!!! So you have now made the first step

Well put J R. Know your triggers. Learn coping skills. Avoid anger & triggers. Distract when the shit begins. Develop exit strategies to decompress as soon as you have been triggered. I've found that I can avoid and distract pretty well but I will always be triggered sooner or later and the anxiety spin-up is a permanent result. Once triggered, I'm getting better at focusing on releasing anxiety and reversing the spin-up; can't stop it but can change my response and shorten it somewhat

 

[atilla]

Doc, all the Brothers advice above is right on the money. I've been dealing with the beast for 24 years or so, and like having a long-time companion/evil twin, you learn what riles him up, and what tightens the leash on him. The main thing is to live in the here and now, and never stop fighting. One day, one battle at a time Brother.

 

[Sludge]

Doc-

Hang in there.

Call 1-800-273-8255 and press "1".

Trust me, I like to pretend I can bullshit people enough they think I know what I am doing.;)

 

[Doc1]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm sitting with a doc this week to start working through all of this. I'll sit down with my wife also and try to make her understand, and try to understand her side of the struggle as well.