DID Can't get parts to agree about speaking and singing

[Ecdysis]

So, one area in which my trauma manifests is in my speaking and in my singing voice. I'm currently seeing a speach therapist about it, who is only focussed on the physical aspects of it tho, as she has no training in psychology stuff.

So, both in speaking and in singing, I notice something odd going on regarding parts. Basically, when I need to communicate verbally, some parts will want to speak but others won't. So my voice comes out odd - there's a push-pull dynamic - parts of me are trying to speak clearly and audibly, while other parts are trying to shut me up, trying to squash and silence my voice. So my voice comes out sounding kind of like someone's talking with half a voice.

The same thing happens when I'm singing. Some parts want to sing, other parts are like OMG no, it's not safe. (Same reactions as to when speaking.)

I can't work out what to do. I can't just "convince" the worried parts that it's fine to talk or sing. It just doesn't work to try to force them or to ignore them. I can't work out how to take their fears and concerns on board, that were once very real in my childhood, when it WAS utterly unsafe to speak up or make a noise, including singing. How can I get these parts to see that those threats of childhood trauma are no longer present in the here and now?

 

[arfie]

i am not DID, but i have similar problems with speech. i suffered delayed speech development as a child and was near adolescence before i could speak with any degree of confidence. i was taught to sing what i needed to say, then to modulate my tones to emulate speech tones. for all i know, my speech still runs through the music centers of my brain. the trick worked for me, but that speech defect still broils to the surface and sets me to stuttering like a fool, if i can speak at all. feeling unsafe is quite high on the list of things that bring my speech defect broiling to the surface.

i can't always speak, but i can always sing. i CAN always sing, butttttaaaa. . . my inner critics sound allot like what you describe from your parts. better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt?

i wish i had easy answers for both of us. i **just** keep working my therapy tools until the episode passes. sometimes removing myself from the unsafe environment is enough. when the threat is gone, my speech returns to normal-for-me.