Recently I had to tell my daughter not to tell anyone, especially at school, about something. It made me feel sick to my stomach, like I was doing something wrong...it made me feel dirty and disgusting.
Daughter's father has some mental health issues himself. During a video chat between the two of them, he made a comment that was upsetting to her. It was a comment that should have never been said to a child, especially one her age. It was a statement that while I know his intentions were good and that he would never actually do the thing that he said (he was telling her what he would do if, somewhere off in the future, a boyfriend ever hurt her...it was inappropriately graphic and vicious but I also know it's not something he would ever do). But daughter was too young to hear his description, not old enough to understand it was just something he was saying, not something he would ever do.
She was upset and came to me. I comforted and reassured her. I let her know that her father would never hurt any of her friends and pointed out to her how far away her dad lives and that he doesn't know where any of her friends live, etc. I explained her dad's intentions and how sometimes daddies will say how they will hurt anyone who hurts their little girl but it doesn't really mean they would ever hurt someone and that her dad just made a bad choice of how to describe it. She was comforted and okay after we talked but because she had been worried about her friends at school, one boy in particular who she really likes...I felt it necessary to explain to her that while at school she probably shouldn't repeat what he dad said. On her own she understood that others wouldn't know that her dad wouldn't really hurt anyone and they could get upset and cause problems. I also was trying to protect her because I can't imagine kids would want to be friends with her if they thought they might need to be afraid of her dad. She was okay with it.
I've not been okay. While I was asking her not to tell anyone I felt so disgusting. All I could do was think about all the times that I was told not to tell about things. If I'm having to tell my daughter not to tell something, it feels wrong.
I've talked to my psychiatrist and he understood why asking my daughter to keep this secret is difficult for me to deal with he tried to assure me that I had made the right choice in telling her not to tell anyone at school. He tried to tell me that the difference was I was telling her not to tell about something that someone had said but had virtually no chance of every occurring. As a child, I was forced to keep secrets about things that had been done to me.
But I can't stop thinking about asking her to keep the secret and how bad and disgusting it made me feel. I still feel like I did something bad. I still feel dirty. It has stirred up a lot of old memories for me and I can't turn them off. I want to turn off the old memories and the yucky feelings I have now.
Daughter's father has some mental health issues himself. During a video chat between the two of them, he made a comment that was upsetting to her. It was a comment that should have never been said to a child, especially one her age. It was a statement that while I know his intentions were good and that he would never actually do the thing that he said (he was telling her what he would do if, somewhere off in the future, a boyfriend ever hurt her...it was inappropriately graphic and vicious but I also know it's not something he would ever do). But daughter was too young to hear his description, not old enough to understand it was just something he was saying, not something he would ever do.
She was upset and came to me. I comforted and reassured her. I let her know that her father would never hurt any of her friends and pointed out to her how far away her dad lives and that he doesn't know where any of her friends live, etc. I explained her dad's intentions and how sometimes daddies will say how they will hurt anyone who hurts their little girl but it doesn't really mean they would ever hurt someone and that her dad just made a bad choice of how to describe it. She was comforted and okay after we talked but because she had been worried about her friends at school, one boy in particular who she really likes...I felt it necessary to explain to her that while at school she probably shouldn't repeat what he dad said. On her own she understood that others wouldn't know that her dad wouldn't really hurt anyone and they could get upset and cause problems. I also was trying to protect her because I can't imagine kids would want to be friends with her if they thought they might need to be afraid of her dad. She was okay with it.
I've not been okay. While I was asking her not to tell anyone I felt so disgusting. All I could do was think about all the times that I was told not to tell about things. If I'm having to tell my daughter not to tell something, it feels wrong.
I've talked to my psychiatrist and he understood why asking my daughter to keep this secret is difficult for me to deal with he tried to assure me that I had made the right choice in telling her not to tell anyone at school. He tried to tell me that the difference was I was telling her not to tell about something that someone had said but had virtually no chance of every occurring. As a child, I was forced to keep secrets about things that had been done to me.
But I can't stop thinking about asking her to keep the secret and how bad and disgusting it made me feel. I still feel like I did something bad. I still feel dirty. It has stirred up a lot of old memories for me and I can't turn them off. I want to turn off the old memories and the yucky feelings I have now.
