Can't Trust

[Whitebird]

Hi all,
I have a big problem. It seems there is no way out. :( I've been to therapy about 8 months. I couldn't trust the therapist. Finally he told me I should meet another therapist. I'm in therapy now, but I can't trust him. :(
In my life I have never trusted anyone. I think I am too odd. I can't like anyone. I can't like myself. I don't know what to do. I talked about my trust issue with my new therapist. He said it takes time. But I think I never trust anyone. I feel so lonely. I have never had a close friend. I am living in my head. Can't talk about my emotion with anyone. I know no one can do any thing for me and I should do it myself. No one really likes me. I'm not a lovable person and can't love anyone.:( I hate this world, but I can't kill myself. There is no way out, I know, just wanted to vent. Sorry

 

[joeylittle]

I think trust is over-rated.

The issue you are having is talking about your emotions. Are you having trouble talking about actual life events? And you also have a strong amount of negative self-talk going on. Your therapist can help you with all of these. But you will have to allow them to push you a bit, and you will also have to push yourself a little bit. It's not going to feel easy or natural. I had this problem, when I first started therapy. It was not easy at all for me to talk about anything real. And still, sometimes, it's not. But I knew I needed to, and so I just pushed myself to do it.

I always figure, if we can push ourselves through functioning with some amount of normalcy - or even if we can push ourselves through living, when life seems unbearable - then we are equally capable of pushing ourselves to tell the truth in therapy.

I think it only becomes a problem because we wish it would "feel" more comfortable or easy, and that's natural when you are suffering. But really, it's not going to, not until you get started.

Can you try challenging yourself?

 

[Ghostybear73]

I agree with @joeylittle that trust is an overrated issue. I suffer from the same feelings as you in that I am stuck between that proverbial rock and hard place. Can't kill yourself for whatever reason (mine is children), but have no desire to continue to live because of the excrutiating pain of life. However, there are some days of sunshine where I am beginning to see some light and I hold onto those days for dear life.

It took a long time to see those days and it was a lot of hard work and pain, but it can be done. I hope you can start seeing those yourself, but until then be gentle on yourself.

 

[Intrepid]

I told my therapist exactly what I didn't trust about her, and she reassured me. The next session I told her again exactly what I didn't trust about her, and she reassured me again. This went on for 2 years...TWO YEARS. Can you imagine her patience? Who has patience like that?
Finally I was able to trust. A lot of work got done during that time, but the trust was slow in coming.

I think trust is over-rated.

 

[Javagoat]

I can relate to Intrepid. It took at least 2yrs of the almost 5yrs I've been in therapy to begin to trust my therapist. I would tell her that I had no hope of getting better and she would respond that she would hope for me. Progress have been painfully slow and I still have a long way to go but I have gotten better. Hang in there.

 

[Jane.l]

Just wondering if we all mean the same thing when we refer to trust ? Is what we actually mean that we fear judgement ? Spoken or unspoken. Maybe it's helpful to think what you actually mean by not being able to trust?

 

[Lionheart]

Early on in therapy, I had the same issue with trusting, but I soon discovered that it was not that I was incapable of trusting anyone, I was just unwilling.

Over time, I began to trust that my therapist actually wanted me to improve and feel better. It took a while longer for me to trust enough to share my past trauma history and longer still to share some of the details, I eventually did come to trust my "t" and I experienced relief when I was neither judged or abandoned and was given full support and assistance.

Learning to trust takes time and not everyone is trustworthy, so I think it starts with learning to trust ourselves to "know" and understand who is worthy of our trust and why.

It doesn't happen overnight or quickly, but it does happen and the upshot of learning to trust myself and at least one other, is it opened me up to the possibility that I was a descent judge of character and that I deserved someone to uphold the trust I was investing in them. This then, raised the possibility that I deserved love and respect, at the least from myself.

I think it is a natural process that is difficult, but worth the time and effort. I did not fully trust that my therapist cared or that therapy and medications would help me, but I kept showing up and doing the best I could. One day I found that I had accomplished a lot of healing and personal growth...I think other people's story will reflect a similar experience.

I wish you the best with all of your challenges and struggles and I honestly believe that if you will continue to do your best, that you too will gain a lot of strength and healing....at least this is the hope that I want to share.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Don't worry about trusting your therapist right now, work on trusting the process.

I literally went through therapy on speed. Two solid weeks of one-on-one therapy. In that sort of environment there is literally NO time to build up trust in your therapist. Add to the fact that all the therapists on my treatment team were female and I don't trust females much, it would seem to be a recipe for disaster. I met with the treatment team before I plunked down my money as this was a major concern of mine. They told me that if I could trust in the process, that I could get through their treatment. Low and behold, it worked! Mind you, this treatment was how I processed my therapy, so we got into the nitty-gritty of it all.

I agree with the others who say that trust is overrated. Why? For the simple fact that the therapist-client relationship is a PAID relationship and as such can end at any moment, for any reason (ie therapist gets sick, moves, whatever) and there may be no time to even get any closure if this happens. If a client throws too much trust at the therapist and the relationship ends, it could throw a fragile client in the other direction and they could end up in an even worse state of mind (trust wise). I see a lot of people stressing over the trust issue and it worries me as it seems like they are looking for a sense of trust on a personal, friendship level whereas it should be more of a trust on a professional level, like you'd trust a cardiologist, etc to treat you. That is, trust isn't a universal concept, rather there are different types of trust.

 

[Rumors]

Just wondering if we all mean the same thing when we refer to trust ? Is what we actually mean that we fear judgement ? Spoken or unspoken. Maybe it's helpful to think what you actually mean by not being able to trust?

For me I think it is judgment, but also abandonment. When they find out who I REALLY am, they will run? I don't know if this resonates with anyone, but what I have always convinced myself, on a sub-conscience level, is that I am not worthy of valuable relationships and people will innately realize this and leave.