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Death Caregiver ptsd

Bradj

New Here
So for the last year or so I had to leave my job in order to take care of my recently diagnosed father with stage 3 lung cancer. The doctors weren’t taking it serious in the beginning and kept writing it off as other illnesses like namonia or a chest infection. After radiation treatments and chemo and immuno therapy , it was looking hopeful until his cat scan results came in. He was given a year but sadly past on feb 29th. About a month after hearing the timeline. I know I did everything I could but I can’t help but blame myself for not acting sooner and demanded for it to be treated or tested sooner. It’s tearing me apart mentally on top of the grieving as we were close and lived together. Just wondering if there’s any tips or ways to help ? I’m not usually this hard on myself but I can’t shake it no matter what. Everyday since he past all I feel is pain and regret but put on a happy face for my family but it’s getting tougher to do so
 
My condolences.

my Dad passed on 29 feb too. We weren’t close. But I also feel bad about his medical care ( there will be an inquest as the hospital might have acted negligently). and people on here said feeling guilty is part of the grief process.

Give yourself time.
It’s only been two weeks.
is there counter messages you can give yourself?

people die. it the only guarantee in life. And working to accept this is just how it is. And it was your Dad’s time. Might help.
and to turn things around: how precious it was that you were there with him. How he knew how much you loved him. How much you gave up for him to care for him. All wonderful things.
 
It's common for doctors and hospitals to do this. It was on them, and I doubt you'd go on to hate each doctor the way you're beating yourself up.

It's a job to be an advocate for a patient and family member. The fact that you were there at all is a lot.

That, and it's impossible to know for sure if spotting it earlier would have truly helped.

I've felt the same way for everyone in my family who died of the disease. It's a way for your brain to try to find out if it was preventable, for if there's a next time.

It does not mean that you need to feel guilty. It's okay to let go of those feelings and watch them float through you like clouds. As in, when I feel that guilt, I allow my body to feel it while I observe it like I observe clouds: just watching, nonjudgmentally.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Do you have a favorite memory of him?

Glad you're here to share ❤️
 
I'm sorry for your loss. I had a big loss in my family the beginning of this year and last year. It's been really tough. A big thing for me has been to make sure that I'm taking care of myself: eating meals, drinking water, taking medication, taking care of my hygiene, and trying to get sleep. I think taking care of your basic needs makes it easier for your mind to process your emotions.

I also lived with one of my relatives that passed away, and one thing that I did was to spend time in our living space and think about what items brought me comfort and which ones made the pain worse and just let myself feel what I felt. I needed to get rid of her clothing and daily items to feel like she wasn't coming back. Our movie collection made me think of good times, so I moved it to somewhere more prominent in the room. She died without seeing the end of The Walking Dead, and her collectibles brought me a lot of pain, so I sold those.
 
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