General Carer - Not Just A Spouse?

[nlk]

Is there anyone on board here that is not a spouse or significant other for a PTSD sufferer?

 

[Iris]

I'm a good friend to someone with someone who has PTSD. We lost touch about 16 years ago and just reconnected about 6 months ago. He serves in the military and was diagnosed with PTSD.

 

[nlk]

Thanks for posting, Iris. Are you a carer of your good friend or just a friend, if that makes any sense...
Is he still in the military, is he getting treatment for his PTSD?

 

[Iris]

I'm a good friend but am not a carer to him. We have enough past history and are good enough friends that he told me that he has PTSD. I care enough about him to want to learn and understand about PTSD.

He has been dealing with it for many years but we haven't talked about what treatment he got...if any. He got out of the military about 9 years ago and after about 2 years he signed up with a different branch so he is still in the military.

Over the pass 6 months, he has hit a few low points when the stress gets to be too much and withdrawn. Those times are what caused me to research PTSD. This board has really helped me understand what is going on at those times.

 

[enrich]

Hi nlk

I was looking for a post like yours, couldn't find it (the title is confusing :)) and posted my own similar question instead.

I know what you mean, I am not a spouse or significant other, so I feel like I'm intruding on my roommate's privacy. But the fact that she told me about it probably means that she wants me to be in the know? Or does she just want to give me a heads up in case she has an episode in my presence? I like her a lot, and want to help but I don't know how!

 

[nlk]

enrich, yes we are in the minority here. Sorry for the title-didn't know how to phrase it. Sometimes when we can not relate to other's relationships it makes things a little harder for those of us that have good friends that are suffering from PTSD, circumstances are different.

I have learned from my experiences with me friend that sometimes she just needs someone to listen, not judge, condemn or critique them. My friend already feels like everyone 'knows' just by looking at her & I reassure her constantly that no one can tell just by looking that she is a victim. Sometimes this helps, sometimes it doesn't. It has helped her though when she found out that I was also a victim many years ago-she wouldn't have known if I hadn't told her.

Basically, do what you feel is right at the time-if she needs space, give it to her, if she just wants you to listen, then listen (she may not want to answer questions or have you say what she should have done differently)

Sometimes all anyone needs is a friend. Unconditional acceptance is what I have found my friend needs the most.

nlk

 

[Iris]

enrich, yes we are in the minority here. Sorry for the title-didn't know how to phrase it. Sometimes when we can not relate to other's relationships it makes things a little harder for those of us that have good friends that are suffering from PTSD, circumstances are different.

This is so true. My friend told me he had PTSD and I know it's from his experiences in the military but that's about all I know. When he is going thru a bad spell I often want to push to find out what is wrong but have realized from reading at this forum that is the worst thing I could possibly do. Anthony’s article on Understanding PTSD and the stress cups explanation really helped me understand what is going on with my friend.

Sometimes all anyone needs is a friend. Unconditional acceptance is what I have found my friend needs the most.

This is also true. I’ve told my friend many times that I’m here if/when he needs someone to listen. He knows and appreciates it. Hopefully, one day he will actually take me up on my offer.