Changed Job Location And Had Flashback In Front Of Boss

[Fighting to live]

I moved locations at my job and due to lack of parking, I was expected to park 4 blocks away in a not so good area, and walk to my job. I go to work very early in the morning. I had a complete meltdown/trigger/flashback at my T's office the day before I had to do this. The morning of I broke down and told my boss about my PTSD and how terrified I was to park in an underground ramp and walk. Unfortunately I had a complete trigger/flashback in front of her. My T has written a letter stating why it would be hard for me to park there. I'm worried I revealed to much. I work for a large organization, and I'm afraid they may find a reason to get rid of me. Am I wrong? Could I have do e something differently?

 

[ashdawn8287]

I wouldn't worry about it , I feel I get that way sometimes when I over think. I shared I had PTSD in front of a college course I am taking at my university and I worried for about 2.5 seconds and realized I already did it already.

Don't be hard on yourself you are doing the best you can. Go into work and hold your head high and be proud of who you are, I refuse to let it define me and I find most people are very sympathetic. "Run your story" if you have to.

I realized it is up to me to tell whoever and once I disclose it, theirs nothing I can do about it so why worry? It seems as though you were having a tough day and you needed to "run your story." That is okay, don't let it bring you down. Some days and times are harder than others and if that is what you did in that situation don't regret it.

Are you worried what she thinks of you? Was she understanding?

Sometimes when I replay things in my head I jump to there worst possible thoughts or the worst possible thoughts that other people are thinking, and those thoughts have always proven to be wrong.

Maybe think of it in a different light, like hey she said this and was comforting or she looked this way and it was sympathetic. It is a complete drag trying to control what other people think or view you and not worth the energy or time, in my honest opinion. Everyone has there own struggles and issues.

 

[Fighting to live]

I think she was surprised and a little unsure of what to do with someone who was shaking and couldn't get the words out. She had made a comment about disability, but I don't need that. My career is something I'm very proud of and managed to have in spite of all the obstacles I've had. I don't think she will tell anyone, but the fact that I need a letter to not park so far away does make me feel like I'm being a whiner. I'm not sure she understands what I go through.

 

[ashdawn8287]

A lot of people in my experience don't and cant't understand trauma unless they go through it. That is just in my opinion. I tell myself it is not my job to make people understand or take responsibility for understanding. I am sure anyone would have been shocked who is not use to PTSD, but that doesn't mean it is wrong or you are bad or something is wrong with yourself, they just don't understand.

No I don't think you are being a whiner at all, I am sure as big of company as you describe has encountered stranger requests and more demanding requests than that. Your job is to feel safe and if parking closer makes you feel safe then yes do it and do not feel bad about it.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

It sounds to me that you had to do it, regardless of the outcome. You simply can't park there.

It took a lot of courage to come out to your boss about the PTSD. Its not something we sufferers share lightly. I agree with AshDawn that people, even those close to us, can't understand it. Heck, I have trouble understanding PTSD and I have it, too. You can't worry about that. You can only work on getting healed. And a big step of that is to not blame yourself for doing what you had to do.

When you work with people, you get to know their personal stuff whether you want to or not. This was something you had to share. Hopefully she's mature enough to understand. And maybe the flashback helped her to realize the seriousness of it.

 

[Venusian]

I understand completely. I work for a large organization and we manage office buildings. The office I work in has an underground parkade and because we manage it we have free parking there. It was something of a highlighted point in the perks of working there when I interviewed for the job. It is a huge trigger for me. I tried it for a couple of months and my anxiety was getting higher and higher and I hated coming into work. I would have flashbacks when I drove down there and was on the verge of panic attacks when I had to walk from my car to the elevator, or when I could smell the garage as I walked towards the elevator to go home. My managers were noticing.

I finally broke down and told the assistant manager and she was so understanding. A few days later I told the manager and he was just as understanding. We had a good talk and he knew that I was a great worker, he was able to find alternate parking for me which was not easy to do. I was upfront with him about my reactions and some of what caused the PTSD. I felt comfortable enough there to do this but I also think it depends a lot on the people involved. My boss has done research to try and help and he knows that I am working on getting better. I had another job previous to this and disclosing the PTSD is one of the reasons I was laid off. I was having a lot of issues with the work environment and complications with an undiagnosed medial condition that was also triggering the PTSD symptoms. It was a totally different atmosphere there, I wasn't surprised to be let go.

I can understand how you are feeling but now that she does know about the PTSD, are you able to have a frank conversation with her? Just tell her the basics, as much as you are comfortable with and possibly let her ask questions? I found if I was direct and able to answer questions it did a lot to calm any concerns my boss had. He also knows that I am in therapy and is able to allow me to do that when the appointments have to be done in work hours.

I really hope that things go well for you and that your boss is as understanding as mine is.

 

[franciemarnie]

If you do your job well, that's all that matters. I was nearly deaf and couldn't get hearing aids to help for 20 some years until they came out with digital to turn up everything except the high frequency that I could hear perfectly. By the time bosses noticed I lip read most of the time, I had already showed what a smart and hard worker I was.

When they came out with digital aids, I didn't have the six thousand to buy them. My boss had me in his office and was telling me what a good job I was doing so I said I thought a great way to show it would be if he gave me a bonus and bought me hearing aids. He was delighted with the idea and did, but was actually concerned I wouldn't work so hard then. I guess he always assumed I worked so hard because I was hearing impaired. But that's just the way I always worked.

If you are a good employee, that's all they care about.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Fighting to live Please don't post poll outside the forum poll forum. There is a forum just for polls so you should post your poll there.

 

[Kintsugi]

FtL, I think it's actually illegal for your employer to fire you based on a federally recognized disability, and what you asked for counts, I would imagine, as "reasonable accommodations" for a disability.

I have considered applying for a handicap sticker to use at night for parking. Parking lots seriously trigger me at night and it is almost unbearable. I have had to call friends to come get me at a particular parking lot at my college, and for the most part said school was stupidly safe as a community.

I've disclosed PTSD to some employers and with others I've been on the brink because it would make my work relations and certain duties much easier if they knew what was going on. Unless PTSD disqualifies you for the position, which I am guessing it does not (I mean EMT/emergency services, military, etc.), I don't think you have much to be worried about. However, I totally understand where you are coming from. This is horrible to deal with often and can be really humiliating when you are perfectly capable of your position yet you are somehow cornered into disclosing due to a specific event or symptom onslaught. It happens. It generally sucks. But it's completely reasonable.