General Changing User Name - Want Your Feedback

[Thankful]

Hi All

I recently asked about changing my User Name and because I think that in the near future my Sufferer might decide to start using this forum and my User name is one he knows me by. I would prefer to be anonymous but wonder if maybe that's not how it works? Possibly there are other couples, or good friends on here that know each other are on here? I really don't know, and not sure if I should be worried about my situation but I am, a bit.

I didn't think of this - he knowing my User Name -when I joined because it was ALL so new to me - PTSD and getting help. My Sufferer had just been diagnosed and I was dealing with Vicarious trauma for the first time, and needed support. I knew he was far off from seeking out a group such as this so it didn't even dawn on me.

But now that he's getting more help and is open to more ways to get help I wouldn't be surprised if he joined this someday soon, and hope he does, it's a great forum.

I know changing User Names is not a convenient thing for the Administrators and is something we're really not supposed to do (it really messes up the threads and remembering/identifying those posts we enjoyed reading or need to reference etc). But if it's ok with you all I would like to change my name unless you have some thoughts that might persuade me to keep it the way it is?

Thanks for your feedback.

 

[ISupportHer]

I Have Felt The Same

I really wish I could bring my wife to this space. Maybe it would help or maybe not. Personally, I understand your desire to cover your tracks, although that is probably impossible since you have posted under the current name. At least that's what I was told on another forum a few years ago.

The other issue would be the content you have already posted. Perhaps too much detail do insure that sufferer would not recognize you.

I, as you, fear my wife reading some of my posts. Just because it would hurt her and she would again worry that she is "putting me through hell". I don't even know for sure she'd participate so, since this has been so very valuable to me, I will be selfish and keep this to myself. At least for now.

One thing I have struggled with is the concept of "taking care of myself". That means the idea that I participate in anything else that would be separate from her. This forum, however, is an exception. It is just something I need right now. If she stumbles across this or reads my browser history, then I'll address it.

If she expresses an interest in participating in a forum, I'll actively look for another one where she too can have privacy. In reality, I think that if she knew I was here also, she just would not open up anyway.

 

[Frankie]

You both have made such very good points....When I started coming here, I posted very freely, honestly, and poured my heart out :)

I did tell my exbf about this forum and that I had joined.....I even asked him if he would join himself since it would probably help him....he had declined at that time. Now, looking back, I am kinda glad he didn't join !

So much has been said since he left me that I truly think he would have been hurt knowing how much hurt he caused me.

Having said this, I don't completely think it is wrong for both carer and suffer to be in the same forum.....this is something that has to be thought of and talked about between both partners.

It might work for some and not for others. Because definitely what is said here is so very honest that you have to both trust and respect each other's views.

Frankie

 

[Nicolette]

Well....I am renowned for being a black sheep and Anthony and I are again proof it can work.

It's no different to having a difference of opinion at home... sometimes you say too much and sometimes you just have to not enter into the argument and take it as venting.

From the inset anything private I have kept to Carers Only but little of that is about Anthony and I having issues as we usually don't.

At the same time, both Anthony and I are open and direct with each other so there is nothing on this forum that would not be discussed at home first to some point.

We often hurt the people we love the most. :rolleyes: Sad part is, from what I see, if you are coming here with relationship issues but cannot discuss them with your partner at some point well you have a big problem in itself. I would rather hurt Anthony's feelings with the truth than tippy toe on egg shells letting him think all is ok as then nothing changes. I have learned to be succinct, not waffle, make I statements and try and use a calm tone. Then I am honest. :rolleyes:

 

[Nicolette]

But if it's ok with you all I would like to change my name unless you have some thoughts that might persuade me to keep it the way it is?

My feedback is it is not healthy for a relationship for you to be hiding your true self or feelings.

I have failed relationships like most however I take no responsibility for those things I was never told about...how can you fix something if you don't know it is broken. If you don't address issues in a relationship it will never become any more than what it is. Hiding, which I see this as, will not benefit anyone or the relationship.

If your man leaves because he comes here and reads your frustrations and your pains (if justifiable and true) well then he really wasn't staying material anyway. The least you would expect would be him wanting to talk to you about it. If Anthony wrote things about me I would hope he would have been able to talk to me about them first.

 

[Thankful]

Thanks for your feedback, everyone. My sufferer isn't necessarily 'my' sufferer as some may think; he and I are merely friends, at this point. However, I went through Iraq with him, so to speak, so at this point, we have a very strong bond and caring for each other.

Right now, my sufferer is at the onset of his PTSD, it's quite pronounced right now and he cannot handle much stress at all. As I've read on another thread - think it was 'things to say or not to say to a sufferer" (something like that) - telling him of my stress only adds to his. So when I tell him what's going on for me I don't tell him stuff so that he can help me, instead I've come here for that, for the advice as well as understanding of PTSD. I'm the main person in his life right now, his family has all but abandon him, so the last thing I want to do is put a wedge between us with him hearing about my worries etc. Not yet, at least. I tell him some, but I save the questions about PTSD, and requests for support, for here.

Down the road, he and I will talk more frankly I'm sure, but things are still pretty fresh for him (PTSD) and very stressful. In fact, I'm on here at this early hour (5:30am PST) cuz something happened to him a few hours ago, and I need support, can't sleep, will post about it on another thread.

 

[ISupportHer]

Nicolette,

Points well taken. Enough secrets in our house. Told her about the website and will keep the hard issues in private carers area.

For the record, I don't see you as the black sheep. Honest feedback is what is needed. Many of us walk on egg shells, as you mention and need to find a way to be more straight forward and less fearful. Thank you!

Special K,

chat here is an option if you have access. Just to feel ike you are talking with someone when you need to. At least it helps for me.

 

[Thankful]

I thought about it today and feel much more sure that changing my User Name would be best. I would like to direct my Sufferer (who is my friend not my significant other) to this group very soon as I think it might really help him right now, to meet other Sufferers and also learn from the many educational posts etc.

ISupportHer - The Chat that you mentioned, is that the private chat? is that what you meant?

Also....I would change my name to "Thankful", just so you all know.

 

[Nicolette]

But do you realise that this post above stays here so he may work it out anyway?

 

[ISupportHer]

SpecialK, as for chat, I meant the open chat in the upper right corner of the web page. Not huge participation but sometimes it just helps to have that immediate feedback with someone. Just to vent or to be a listener.

The private carer area is great also. It requires approval.

Both are options at least after moderation.

 

[Thankful]

Hi Nicolette

I'm pretty sure you had told me in a private msg that ALL posts would adjust with new name? If that is NOT the case, please confirm.


Thank you!

 

[Thankful]

I just reviewed our prior conversations and you did write that it would change all past posts.

Let me know if you found later that this wasn't so...want to clear up any confusion I have.

thanks!