Chase The Therapist!

[Laurajayne27]

I found an awesome therapist this time last year, I had the best therapeutic allience id experienced so far, great stuff even told her about a former rape that happened when I was 17, also about the extent of my abusive childhood which I had never discussed with my 4 former therapists.

August time I text her for an appointment and I hear nothing back. So I leave it a week or so assuming she's ill or something and email her but still hear noting by September, I have massive abandonment issues steaming from my mother being emotionally unavailable, so here I am re-living my trauma in much pain and grief.

She eventually gets back to me 2 months later to say her best friends had died and she'd lost her job, she had also picked up a boyfriend I. This time. Ok that's fine I can deal with, understand completely.

Focus was soon back to me and how I had handled the situation and what it had provoked in me. This anger and hate was very much in the transference when we resumed therapy, two sessions go by trying to build trust back up thought it was going ok

Still struggling with my transference. Xmas meant no therapy for three weeks so I ask Sunday for an appointment , she replied I don't have my diary but I will get back to you very soon! Thursday still nothing so I text her to say how are you looking for next week? She replied saying maybe Thursday or Friday.

I work Fridays and she knows that , so I say Thursday but she may an interview that day and is waiting for confirmation. So I'm left hanging, so I ask can I just talk to you because actually I really want to end this now, I don't want it playing on my mind. It causes my anxiety to flare my abandonment issues to bring on depressive symptoms and not to mention all the other PTS crap. So she says she's not available now but will call tomorrow, still no call. All my wounds are open, I'm at the height of an emotional wreckage.

I've half fired her but now I'm left in limbo everything feels broken. If I had the energy to plan it and see it through I'd have topped myself but all I do is sleep sleep and sleep . Waking up with that gut wrenching feeling that I'm alone and misunderstood.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I understand transference issues but at the same time, this therapist has repeatedly shown to be unreliable with communication. I don't think it's a good idea who be in treatment with someone whom you can't trust to follow through on her word when you have trust issues. Sorry things went so wrong with her :(

 

[Laurajayne27]

Thank you for your input, I know if she phoned now and apologised I'd be like putty in her hands it's so degrading and shameful.
You're right of course at doing me no good because of her unavailability/unreliability.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'm be blunt and say that it's time to fire her. Yes, people have lives and therapist have lives. But that is a huge amount of unreliably over and over again.

two sessions go by trying to build trust back up

Was that her idea? I once had an issue with my therapist and one of the first things he said to me was if we can build the trust back up. He gave me a clear choice and reminded me that I can fire him. He wasn't all sure of himself, he knew that it might not be possible. So was it her idea to build up that trust or was it your willing idea? Was it a choice? Because you seem to be as you said 'chasing her', sort of like a puppy dog.

Maybe that doesn't make much sense.

Take care.

 

[Laurajayne27]

I am chasing her, It's me wanting her warmth and her time because I think we're playing some kind of a game, were both willingly playing, she knows I will forgive her and carry on because that's my pattern, as painful as it is I AT least am aware of it and I've decided to take action.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Good for you for being aware and taking action! Always a positive step forward. :)

 

[franciemarnie]

Your awareness is fantastic.

If you stick with her though - you put off dealing with and healing what happened to you and your PTSD. Now your well being is dependent on her responses or lack thereof, which is co-dependence.

I did that too, although generally in relationships with men. I was aware of it, that it didn't work but saw no alternative at the time. I felt hard wired in - just like growing up when my well being depended on how well or badly I was treated by my parents.

 

[arfie]

At the risk of gossiping... I have heard many times that the number one reason for studying psychology and psychiatry is looking for help with your own emotional instability. I have talked to more than one professional who convinced me of that, completely. I still believe these professionals can be downright dangerous. Your post sounds like you might have contracted one of these lost souls. Maybe. For certain I am not in a position to know.

Whatever the whatever's of this particular therapist's whatever's, you have left dangling quite rudely during a critical phase of your healing. It is NOT okay. I find myself hoping you will look for a more reliable therapist.

I am also hoping you will keep us posted, whichever way it all goes for you.

 

[BloomInWinter]

If I had that experience, I would move on and find someone whose life was being managed good enough that her needs weren't interfering with my healing process.

Therapists have issues too, and it's ok to move on if they cannot, for one reason or another, be there for us in the reliable, professional capacity we need.

 

[Laurajayne27]

Thank you all greatly I thought my point of view or opinion was wrong because after all she's the therapist, the one who should have more insight and awareness about bad cycles she's also human and a her intentions and heart were in the right place, although maybe we'll both learn something from this. I have learnt to be assertive and look after me. That feels great but I'm still grieving a loss. Life lessons aren't always as sunny as you'd like.

 

[franciemarnie]

@Laurajayne27 - I love how you said "grieving a loss". It is a feeling of loss.

I had a shrink who went nuts at the end. I kept trying to "bring back the good times" - so to speak - by my good behavior. Of course my behavior did not change his one iota. I cant control other people. His unpredictable mood and behavior switches reflected his inner chaos.

But still - I felt a great loss no matter how I intellectually understood it.

Years later, I still feel mad every once in a while. I "needed" him to be a certain way. Course life isn't like that.

 

[Laurajayne27]

Yes absolutely you 'need' that stability..someone to be in control I suppose but I'm in control now and questioning a lot of things we've spoken about that reflect what's going on in her life and as you say her inner chaos. Wow what an eye opener. I feel a bit calmer now. I did think that her attitude towards me had changed slightly when she had a lover, someone else to give her time to where her needs were getting met.