Relationship Cheating Caused By Ptsd?

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. Alcohol is generally not a good idea and provides opportunities unnecessarily for further risky situations or traumatization or consequences. Just sayin.

 

[Recovery4Me]

she's probably struggling with more guilt and low self esteem than she can handle right now.

Well offered in a most compassionate sense.

While cleaning the house in preparation for Christmas I found an old piece of paper

My heart goes out to you in all sincerity. So painful.

It does appear however, that she did take responsibility in some manner with respect to the situation and showed courage in presenting some form of honesty. Infidelity is rarely easy to navigate and you show much love in your attempt to understand. Be kind to yourself as you wrestle with this heart ache. :hug: I am sorry for your pain ...and hers.

 

[Fadeaway]

I feel like there was a few posts that missed his update. I can honestly say while I would never cheat, and find the idea of doing so despicable, I would probably have responded the same as her.

 

[Abstract]

Hi James,

I suspect like Fadeaway and me there are quite a lot of members of this site that have reacted in the way your girlfriend describes. I can only say credit to you for being open minded and being willing to hear her. I have to say that if I was on the partner end of the equation (your position) with something similar then I would feel totally different if fear was the motivator rather than interest. Fear would not equal infidelity to me.

How responsible this guy is comes down to details. Unfortunately feeling one doesnt have a choice and are being forced when already traumatised can be tricky territory and your girlfriend is the right person to decide on that with the help of her therapist. Sometimes something being a trigger can make one feel as one did in the past when it is actually a normal present day situation. If that was the case the guy wasnt attempting to force her and was just being a first rate scumbag for hitting on her for a whole lot of reasons. If she feels this was genuinely an assault then thats a whole different bag of nasty with different implications.

It sounds like she was afraid to tell you or anyone how she felt and reacted as she wasn't believed in the past in response to trauma. Is that correct? or is she saying he assaulted her and she didn't think anyone would believe her if she told because of past experience?

Only you can know if confronting him is the right thing for you. I understand your reasoning. Personally my criteria for someone " being a man"is about other things. Like some of the things this guy did that show he is not.

 

[James623]

...I would feel totally different if fear was the motivator rather than interest. Fear would not equal infidelity to me.

Thanks for this Abstract. I think that this is the way that I am beginning to feel about everything. I obviously don't like that it happened and don't want anything like this to ever happen again but I honestly don't think she has any interest in this guy now or in the past. I also don't think she would ever go out with the intention of cheating on me.

You asked about whether she feels like this guy sexually assaulted her. I think that is how she feels. Maybe not in the legal sense because he did stop when she told him to stop, but in the sense that he took sexual advantage of her when she was extremely drunk and unable to truly give consent. I think she feels that if people found out, that they wouldn't believe this.