I can totally relate to the sudden loss of all of one's useful, healthy coping strategies when a big enough trigger hits you. When life happens and I'm under powerful pressure and stress, I just break in every way and it doesn't matter how much therapy I've been in, how much reading and research on coping mechanisms I've done, everything just goes to the crapper and I'm so stuck in depression, anger, self hatred, and just a ton of negative feelings, reactions and behaviors.
In those moments, just getting in touch with my body and reflecting on where in my body I feel the pain, stress or fear/anger helps me a lot. I know you're into Buddhism and the Dharma, so you could always try reading a helpful teaching related to your current situation (there are apps for that if I'm not mistaken), or simpler yet, do a meditation where you can get in touch with your most kind and healthy self or a loving-kindness one where you extend these feelings to the universe, or just a meditation where you focus on your breath, it can be very calming.
ALL that said, I realize that when the shit hits the fan, just calming one's self enough to freaking BREATHE can be a challenge, so yeah, we do our best and that's all we can ask for. Letting things flow without interference seems to do wonders for me, or attempting to do so. No matter what you're feeling, not fighting it seems like a very effective way to "ride it out" and get to the other side of the mood waves that hit us. We've become so used to only nourishing our "good" or positive feelings and thoughts, and so scared and ashamed of the opposite polarity, that we end up trying to hang on to happy and blissful states of mind, and this just cuts our range of emotion and dampens our human experience majorly. So yeah, I realize we can't spend our lives deep into depression or anger all the time, but even these are healthy and natural emotions and states that we should acknowledge and pay attention to. Not saying that you don't of course, but just in general. BOY, I can really blab on and on huh!? Best of luck to you Kwan!
