Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Not fully though. I mostly want to not have a headache right now

 

[littleoc]

I know why i hate getting compliments when I get progress in my room. It’s because my family acts all proud that I’m tackling a mess I made when they know full well that I didn’t do a thing. They make fun of me and blame me for the whole house but I didn’t do it. Every compliment is another insult.

I didnt kill those fish, that eel, the turtle, the frogs. I was forced to neglect them until they died. They were piled behind objects and my sister said I hated my mom when I wanted them put back where I could reach them. They made fun of me.

Family members and nurses aren’t supposed to be like that. I got rid of the danger. The psychopath was gone. Why didn’t it stop? I didn’t want to kill anything ever again. I’ll never forgive them.

 

[littleoc]

Let’s change moods before this gets worse I guess. I had a really good day today. I was happy all day. It was a good last day of work. I can’t focus

 

[littleoc]

My coworker left me a goodbye card with his handwriting in it. He has trouble writing (early Parkinson’s) and I am so flattered that he took the time to do that. Gave me a lil gift, too.

My boss gave me a pair of Gay Pride socks made to look like due date slips. They’re fantastic. And a temp tattoo of a smiling octopus (it’s adorable, plus she remembered that octopi are my favorite animals (besides cheetahs and tardigrades and copepods, oh my)), and a good-future note (she doesn’t do goodbyes) on beautiful wood I can keep somewhere nice.

People came by to hug Nestle because they realized, for once, I wasn’t going to lecture about why touching an on duty dog can be harmful :P (I’m actually very bad at this), and she was thrilled.

Went home and played some video games. I get to enjoy this extremely comfortable bed one more night.

 

[littleoc]

Another coworker wanted to be friends on Facebook. I’m always really surprised when people like me. But I like it when they do

It has been a really good day

 

[ILoveLife]

:hug: :hug: :hug:
This too shall pass, things will get easier for you.

 

[littleoc]

True. I’ve calmed down a little. I recognized the panic attack (I hate that phrase, thanks Brandi) and took something, but it takes too long to kick in. I couldn’t find my blood pressure thing. Nestle is supposed to bring it to me but I removed it from her vest and hid her vest so she doesn’t work. She needs to enjoy her vacation


Thank you for the likes of support, @Sietz and @MrMoonlight

 

[littleoc]

Update: (I known you don’t need one, I just thought it might be nice?)

Move happened. It worked

Ironically I got mad that my mom was trying to help because I was scared she’d hurt herself

She’s a trooper

 

[littleoc]

Never buy anything from Overstock.com.

 

[somerandomguy]

Why not?

 

[Freida]

I take just a couple days off and look how far you have come!

Only instead of showing love, understanding, and compassion, I’m showing anger. I’m telling her to f*ck right off.

Good girl!!!! You have every right to those emotions

I’m getting better about stealing. Speaking of that. (Sorry for sharing it, I know you’ll say you don’t think less of me but I know how it sounds. I really am trying.)

I get what you are saying -- and I'm proud of you. I'm guessing stealing is up there with all the other mal adaptive coping mechanisms? Which means you are trying to let this one go. So they question becomes. what good coping method do you replace it with?

Maybe I should admit all the crimes I wanted to commit? I don’t admit them when I’m planning them.

Oh pullllese. I commit homicides and robberies in my head all the time. They are usually based on calls from work and how I would have been better at it than the criminal was. I think people imagine bad things because they KNOW they would never do it. It's like watching a scary movie on tv -- something you would never do but kind of fun to watch.

Anger doesn’t mean I’m hateful or bad.

Hun -- -you are one of the least hateful people I have ever met. So no - anger does not equal bad

 

[littleoc]

Why not?

I feel like I shouldn’t get into it on here? But briefly, they keep sending counterfeit items, I’ve been requesting new parts and replacements since February, and they have no idea what they’re dojng. PayPal’s getting me my f*cking refund but I’ve been annoyed about this and making too many unnecessary phone calls for months and I’m so fed up. Found out I’m not alone though. They’re one of the worst rated businesses. EA is still the worst years later. Not sure how they were rated worse than AT&T though.

I should definitely eat something. I’m rather grumpy and my room smells like I have a pet mouse. I dont.

Good timing, though, @Freida , because I just yelled at a poor lady in the company who’s supposed to be helping since f*cking February. I guess I’ve leveled up on the “sticking up for yourself” front or something. Practice makes perfect. I’m not accepting $20 for this, how dare she suggest that.