Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Maybe that’s so triggering because they’re blaming him, when I know he isn’t responsible?

I mean, besides the fact that they were so mean to Brandi and I always had to be the in-between. It’s still bothering me. I wasn’t allowed to defend her.

I do not want to discuss this right now.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Hey littleoc, sorry you had a flashback.
Yeah, hospitals can be intense and triggering places.
Sometimes I wonder if putting a bunch of dyregulated people in crisis on one psych ward is really a good idea :laugh:
I've found it just triggers me more and sends me deeper into crisis.
I hope you can work out the memory when you are ready too and you get resolution/ peace :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Thanks, @Sophy :hug:

It seems to work if people are doing somewhat better and are ready for support! Which is why I liked group therapy when I was partially-hospitalized. But hanging out with a dude with PTSD who asks you, a 19/20 year old, why he’s not allowed to die if he wants to at age 60 — woooof.

He was okay later though. He said my hugs were nice :P

 

[littleoc]

Dude was a farmer, if I remember correctly. Super chill and had cows, which I loved hearing about. I loooove cows, lol

Can’t afford them at the moment!!

....does the FDA still do land grants for farmland???

 

[littleoc]

Hmmmmmmm

The programs also make funding available to individuals to finance vital improvements necessary to make their homes decent, safe, and sanitary.

Grants and Loans | USDA

 

[littleoc]

Forgot to mention, Ford and I hung out on Monday and he told me I should look into teaching at private schools. He says you don’t need a certificate for private, just to be able to hit what that school wants them to know. Ford says I have a way of explaining things that makes it easy to take in.

I did informally teach a high school class three times once. It was great, honestly, so, maybe wouldn’t hurt to look. I know math, I know biology, I know English, I know literature, I know personal finance, I know home economics if private schools still teach that — so I could probably do it. I tutored high school Algebra once, it was pretty fun.

I’m sure it’s a really competitive market, though

 

[somerandomguy]

I’m sure it’s a really competitive market, though

Totally depends on where. In cities, often it is. In rural places, sometimes they can't find enough teachers.

Many private schools in rural areas are Catholic schools, though, and you may be too much of an outsider. Worth looking into, though.

 

[littleoc]

Haha, my mom went to a Catholic school once. Her teacher got mad when my mom told her that Jesus was a Jew, lol

Anyway, yeah, I might do okay there but it would feel incredibly weird and isolating. I’ll probably avoid those

Fun fact: when my mom was a teenager, her Church had a vote on whether or not women had souls :D 1960s Catholics are a different species I hear

 

[littleoc]

Imagine if someone had tried to explain a plant’s soul, Ancient Greek style or Pliny the Elder style, but knowing what we know about plants now.

“The willow splits her soul downwind, and the split soul grows it’s own roots and becomes a completely new individual”

“The pollen is a soul that has no other purpose but to create more life”

“Plants souls spontaneously appear from older souls that get split apart.”

“The bigger the tree, the more souls it can create”

That would be fun

Weird how nowadays we know all life came from one ansestor only, and distantly in the past. Instead of spontaneously happening all the time

Or instead of having multiple living things show up at the same time.... Apparently the rest died or else there was one living thing by itself who somehow got its RNA to be DNA before it died :) :P

Weird holes are the best in science! It means there’s way more to discover. That’s a good reason to be alive :D

My personal pet hypothesis (that is neither fully supportable or disprovable that I know of): the right conditions for life happened, and then several proto-cells formed :D Some quickly lost energy and “died” but some replicated and then traded information (mostly RNA from cell to cell)

Option 2: Multiple cells forms but one or two outcompeted the rest. If life spontaneously appeared on Earth now, something would probably figure out how to kill it lol

Living on Earth is hard, there’s too much competition to start out as a n00b here

 

[somerandomguy]

I know nothing about this, but I heard there's a theory that the building blocks of life were brought here to Earth by a comet. I have no idea how accepted that theory is though.

 

[littleoc]

It's hard to prove either way, probably! But I know so little about this topic that I'm afraid to comment :P

 

[littleoc]

So I'm just here to record that my father sent me a birthday card again, but the return address is just a zip code, and he signed it with "Daddy" instead of "Name" this time. Conflicted again. But he's still insane. And he still doesn't know enough to apologize.

Also I'm slightly annoyed at a food situation because now I'm getting cold food, when it arrives, within twenty minutes of when I have to be ready to leave. I wish I would've just eaten here. My mom keeps making too much food while saying she's almost out of money, and now she's bringing me fish from some restaurant and I'm really confused about if I'm supposed to be nervous about this.

She waited around at the restaurant with my time-sensitive food that was getting cold and soggy so her grandson could go potty?? He isn't in the same car at her.... she only needed to drive here... ugh. Now I'm going to not have enough time to eat, have to remember I'm not allowed to rush eating anymore and that no one is going to take it away from me so I don't get sick or accidentally eat too much, and I have to leave in 15 minutes to go to a light dinner elsewhere so that was a f*cking waste.

Okay, good now. :) :)