Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Okay in the moment. Not sure I should address these feelings right now because in about a month I'll have nothing

Edit to add: it will be a relief to not have a hoard to clean up

 

[ms spock]

Things keep getting worse

I am feeling for you. I have seen you brain storming ideas and going out of your way to problem solve and be proactive.

You put the welfare of your animals above yourself.

Much respect @littleoc

I am not doing well either. I have no solutions or suggestions.

I just want to acknowledge how gusty that you are, and I am sitting with you.

P.S I need you to be around so hang in there.
.

 

[ms spock]

I do not foresee a good future for me.

You are down for the count. You are in fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or fragment. Your prefrontal cortex has shut down. You are in survival.

I feel I have failed everyone.

You haven't failed me. You have supported me through one of the worst times in my life.

I won't be any use now

You sent me a virtual hug and I cried in relief and happiness. Every post in my diary means the world to me. You've helped me get through.

 

[ms spock]

Sorry for posting. I don't even know why I'm doing it. have to live at least long enough to rehome my animals. Have to cope for at least one more month.

This is a tough place to be.

Then will be homeless and plan to end it from there. Friend wants me to try mental hospital first. Best bet is being put away forever, group home, no future.

I am wanting you to be alive too.

Just let me have this, I am allowed to be upset.

You are allowed to be upset. Absolutely!

I can't do this anymore

I am lying on the bed right next to you. I am weeping with you. Like you, I am really tired.

Sending

 

[ms spock]

Am I being a baby? Am I hurting people? Do I owe a good ending to anyone when I can't achieve anything anymore?

I am out of my tree right now. So take as "ms spock is trying her best".

You have no safe home right now.

So you are doing your best. It doesn't feel like it, but it is good enough. I am right there with you.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you @ms spock. That was so kind, it means a lot

I came back to clarify that I'm not going to end my life yet because I worried I was going to worry someone if they read that, and got really worried when I saw you had replied before I could add that, but it helped a lot to read what you wrote. Thank you, and I wish I could help more with your house too. I hope you're able to do something good for you today

rough decade

 

[ms spock]

Thank you @ms spock. That was so kind, it means a lot

I am glad.

The messages I receive from you mean a lot too.

I came back to clarify that I'm not going to end my life yet because I worried I was going to worry someone if they read that,

We are lucky to have someone to worry about.

and got really worried when I saw you had replied before I could add that, but it helped a lot to read what you wrote.

I am glad that it helped to read what I wrote.

Thank you, and I wish I could help more with your house too.

Thank you

I hope you're able to do something good for you today

I will do something nice. I will dedicate it to you.

rough decade

It is a rough decade @littleoc.

It is your diary. We are part of of a PTSD forum. There's going to be big emotions here.

I feel the same feelings that you are feeling at times. They are fleeting at times. They are a struggle at others.

Your feelings matter.

And a lack of safe and secure housing is destabilising and debilitating at times.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

 

[Teasel]

I'm short on words, but much caring littleoc. I'm glad you're not going to act on the SI. You're important, we need you

 

[littleoc]

Thank you Hope you're doing okay, teasel

 

[littleoc]

Just came here to say I am doing better today. Stressed about the future ofc, especially this next month and having to decide what I'm keeping, if I can keep anything. And planning the hospital stay. Etc etc