Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Thank you all

It makes me so sad that you're having to give up your kitties.

Same. this should not have happened

It is upsetting that my father's abuse and bad decisions is still affecting my family 20 years later. It is very upsetting.

Nothing I can do. Just happy to have found places for my animals.

I will have no animals. I do not ever want animals ever again. I do not want any items. I do not want housing. I don't want anything anymore

 

[littleoc]

I will have no animals. I do not ever want animals ever again. I do not want any items. I do not want housing. I don't want anything anymore

Nothing else really matters except loved ones

Maybe grief, maybe some form of "getting it" spiritually, maybe both

Lack of care about housing is likely just numbness over how awful everything has been. Horrible decade. Glad my mom doesn't have to see this unless she/her spirit just wants to be around for the support ig

 

[littleoc]

I wanted housing and nice things for the animals. I looked at a house I used to want from the road today and realized there's no point in wanting it anymore. So. Yeah

 

[Movingforward10]

You're going through incredibly tough things. Grieving your mum. Loosing your home that you lived in with her is double the loss. Along with your pets/family members (as pets are loved ones to us). And your items.
That is a huge amount of loss. It's going to take time to process all of that. You're in the hardest part of it.


You deserve good, safe, housing. Stability.

 

[littleoc]

I never want anything ever again

 

[Teasel]

Sitting with you littleoc

 

[littleoc]

Thank you

There isn't anything left to live for. Just realized if I kill myself now, it won't hurt anyone nearly as bad as I am hurting for my animals. This whole year, losing pets to old age, losing my mom. Having to lose the entire rest of my family. Nothing compares to that.

Therapists love hearing my back story because it furthers their careers or whatever, but now I'm at a part that's so painful they can't even say it's okay and they don't want to talk about it because it's too much.

I think this is really it for me. There's no way I can hurt anyone this much

 

[littleoc]

Got an email that the bird person helping me re-home my cockatiel found someone who can take her, so I won't have to euthanize her. Don't feel ready after handing away three of the five cats. Snake is already re-homed. lizard is going with the two remaining cats to my best friends house

So after that. Was going to go right to mental hospital but will probably spend some time packing things I could try to save.

And if I lose it all, whatever. I wanted to kill myself after my service dog's death. I didn't mean to live this long. I'm sorry, y'all. I really am, I don't want to hurt anyone. But there's no way it will hurt anyone as much as this hurts

 

[littleoc]

Have to stay at the house long enough for my little brother to move out probably. Because I have to close the electric bill account. So mental hospital after that

Then probably stay in a group home for disabled adults or with that monk.

No plans for what that really means. Will be likely to end it and move to the next life. I think I have learned all my lessons and this will be karma for someone else. There's absolutely nothing I could possibly want at all

 

[littleoc]

Going to go get some cheap tacos. Have barely been able to eat. Can't work and make food. Too exhausted

 

[littleoc]

Won't end it at the monk's house of course. Love him

 

[littleoc]

Tacos were good

Probably a waste of money. I haven't had enough money for years. Now it doesn't matter though.

I didn't want to survive my childhood. Nestle the dog showed up and asked me too. So did the cockatiel. Rehoming the cockatiel