Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I have not wanted to live since I was a child. Adults convinced me I lived through the worst if it and had a future. And got me to feel like I was missing out on something. And would hurt my mom, or that I should stay for my animals.

I did what I promised and I don't want to feel guilty anymore.

 

[littleoc]

There are more reasons. Even if they can't be seen or felt at the moment.

I am trying to think of one. Even my emergency dont-suicide box from the state hospital just mentions the animals.

 

[littleoc]

I've really lost everything.

Genuinely won't be able to save the food. No refrigerator. Storage unit, if I get one, won't let me store food.

If I go to the hospital that's it. no food or anything. Why save anything

 

[ms spock]

I really want to say something meaningful to you @littleoc. I am sitting with you.

 

[Movingforward10]

I am trying to think of one. Even my emergency dont-suicide box from the state hospital just mentions the animals.

Because you are a good person who makes the world better.
Because this level of heaviness and loss will pass.
Are just two reasons I've thought of in a nano second.
Sometimes we can't see reasons when everything is piling on top and it's hard to think like that. But that doesn't mean there aren't any. It just means everything else is taking space in our minds. The whole PTSD thing and stress cup.

Sitting with you.

 

[gorgonzola]

I hope it's ok if I sit in the corner hoping you catch a break, @littleoc .

 

[Teasel]

Have you told anyone irl how you're feeling? Sending support

 

[littleoc]

Have you told anyone irl how you're feeling? Sending support

I have. They mostly say they understand and won't be mad if I do. Couple people said please don't but don't know how I'll get better at this point.

Dad's abuse affecting me this long is ridiculous

Thanks for the support, to everyone. I'm sorry I'm difficult

 

[littleoc]

A few people say it will hurt them. Everyone just uses my guilt against me. But no answer for why they couldn't help me keep my family together

 

[littleoc]

Do y'all miss Swift? She died by suicide most likely. What about Lion? People better than me die all the time and the world continues

 

[littleoc]

I don't know if I want you to agree or support. I sure don't want anyone disagreeing I guess

I'm sorry

 

[littleoc]

I just feel like I have to. There's nothing left and there's nothing for me