Supporter Concerned Gf Looking For Advice

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the discussions :hug: I trust this place helps you. It's extremely helpful in light of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and get it. There is a considerable measure of guidance and backing to be found here :) I hope this astounding group helps you as much as it helped me, understanding all the comparable stories, and taking in a ton along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:

 

[klif]

Hi,

I've been in a wonderful and loving relationship with my BF for 7 months. It's a long distance...

Has he ever been in therapy or even better, is he in therapy now? Ask him if he feels like hurting himself or anyone else (his 5-year-old)? Tell him you care about him and his safety and would he consider going to see someone? If he pulls away, then drop it for the time being but return to it as soon as humanly possible. Your greatest concern should be for HIS safety. Always continue to reassure him that you're there for him.
klif

 

[TerriB8511]

@klif Thank you. He hasn't contacted me in 3 days at all and has been off social media. I pray he is okay. He asked for space so I reassured him I was here and left it at that. He has soiught help in the past so I'm hoping he will now as well. I'm just worried. I want to reach out so badly but I also don't want him to feel pressured. Caught in the middle right now.

 

[Powder]

Terri, do you have kids? Is there a reason why you can't be there with him? I don't really understand.

 

[TerriB8511]

@Muse Yes. I have a 5 year old son or I would have been out there by now. I'm trying to get a job.

 

[Powder]

Sounds like there is a lot of stress going on for you right now. But you sound like you know what you're doing and have a plan to get on your feet on your own regardless of what he does. That's good.

I hope you get some news from him soon.

I don't know if you've seen a lot of the forum yet, but this happens often, PTSD sufferers going silent and withdrawing and a supporter will be upset and post here.

Happens often. It is usually too hard on the supporter to want to continue. Some do.

 

[TerriB8511]

@Muse Thank you. I seem to know what I want and I truly believe that he will come back to me. It's hard in the interim but I'm educating myself as much as I can on PTSD so I can strengthen myself.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Codependency might not be considered a symptom of PTSD and I have no clue if it is in the DSM. I do know some people are attracted to unhealthy relationships/situations and if someone is unhealthy emotionally and not doing some real work on themselves they are going to attract and be attracted to the same.
A well person will not/ can not make an emotionally sick person well. That is not to say they can't learn from one another. I am saying IMHO like is drawn to like. We have lessons to learn in life and those lessons don't come cheap.
We repeat them each time the lesson costing more until we hopefully learn and grow.
A woman who picks up and moves to another state to be with a man she really doesn't know is putting herself in an isolated situation. There is her son to consider too. Who knows what kind of father he is to his children? Your son I'm sure is your first priority and a happy mom is able to be a better mom.
Do you love the man or are you projecting what you want on to him? Do you daydream a lot of how it could be? How do you see yourself handling that he shuts down and turns away? That is not an isolated type of reaction that is how he handles things.
I feel afraid for you to be bluntly honest and I say that not to scare you but because I asked myself, "why do I keep coming back to this thread? There was a thread titled "Waiting" closed to replies and several years old but I think it says what I am trying to say more clearly. I will find it and link it here if I can. Then I leave you alone. :)
We all have our own journey.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@klif said "your greatest concern should be for his safety"

I think her greatest concern should be for her son's safety and her own.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

DLMURL]Link Removed.

And there is a thread called "Waiting "
Perhaps you might want to search and read.

Over and out