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Sexual Assault Confused. was i assaulted? tell me below

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Just wanted to add, I've never known people who were "crazy" in some way not to have
experienced or witnessed abuse or neglect or a combination. While I think people have
certain genetic markers or proclivities, without the environment it is doubtful they will get
expressed.

The horrible truth is that some very disturbed families will scapegoat one family member,
abuse them in the most insidious and horrific manner all the while playing the perfect
family to the outside world. The worst part is that the truly diabolical among them will then
enjoy playing rescue to the very symptoms they deliberately created. It's beyond sick and
more common than people want to admit. It's the mental health version of Munchausen
by Proxy. Even therapists will get in on the act and help maintain the fiction of the "healthy"
family who are victims of a mentally ill sibling, child, etc. What no one realizes is that if the
identified patient starts to become stronger, the family will do whatever they need to pull
them back down again.

I know this as I have been the identified patient before. While I was being severely abused
by former husband, I was being "treated" for depression. I was pathologized, while my husband
sat there feigning concern. The "therapist" just threw pills at me in such high dosages it
damaged my liver! She herself was quite unprofessional, showing up late or not at all, discussing
my case with my abuser. It wasn't until I read a bunch of printed emails left in a stack of
scrap paper at in laws home, that I realized that all the drama swirling around me was actually
being planned!
It was a horrible moment, but also ultimately freeing. I quit trying to please my husband and
his family and became polite professional and opaque in my manner. My "depression" was
cured overnight, never to return. So in my case, the cure was avoiding emotional involvement
with toxic abusive individuals who were obsessed with creating drama. In the end, it was revealed
how sick this family really was when my ex fell apart emotionally. Without me to perpetually beat
up on emotionally, without me to continually scapegoat, his own emotional health deteriorated
dramatically and the stories of his own abuse came pouring out. And they were really horrifying
and overwhelming, thus the need for in person support when abusive memories surface in case
your memories prove extreme.

I would urge you to conduct an experiment. See how you feel when you're away from your family.
Even if it is in the library or in the back yard for a few stolen moments. Somewhere safe. Do your symptoms start to abate at all? Again, finding a good therapist who really gets you and your history is important because you need to have in person support in case your memories start flooding back. But don't underestimate the need of some disturbed individuals, even family, to have an identified patient to psychologically torture and then rescue. This is how some people pull a mask over their own sickness. Obviously I don't know if that is what's happening in your case, but it's something to consider.
Again, best of luck to you.
 
Just wanted to add, I've never known people who were "crazy" in some way not to have
experienced or witne...
This was really eye opening, thank you! And I'm just so sorry to hear about what happened to you. That's sick. I'm appalled just reading that. How can someone do that? I really don't understand.

I do know already that when I'm left alone by my family and all by myself, as long as I'm not in a social situation to trigger my social anxiety, I feel safe. My depression and anxiety is gone, I feel almost overrun with joy just thinking about that.

I also know that I love coming home from school but I hate being home. If my sister is visiting from college, my stress and vigilance is up x2. I have to be on alert if both of my parents are home, even my mother, even though she is my "safe" parent. (It's confusing because she helps me and loves me but she's constantly yelling at me and making me so stressed I feel sick. I don't talk about this because it's 'normal' for a parent to tell you to do things. It's just the manner she does it. Makes me sick with fear). If one of them is gone, doesn't matter who, my demeanor changes drastically. I'm nice to my dad. I'm nice to my mom. I haven't figured out why this happens when one of them leaves.

I have hiding areas for me to go when my dad acts up or I'm stressed. I sit in the living room on the computer, even though I only like to be on there for a few hours. I will sit there until my dad gets up to leave from the couch so I can relax. I also have a little space in my closet, but I've grown a bit so I can't really fit in there anymore. I will also use the couch and lay there.

Not sure if this helps but that's all I can think of
 
That sounds perfectly reasonable for a young person with autism. Most young people I know with autism have a hiding place somewhere in the house to cocoon themselves when they feel overloaded.

I'd completely disagree with @bento thal all children with mental health issues have experienced abuse or neglect. That is their experience but it's not universally true. Young people can and do develop anxiety, depression etc for lots of reasons - many of which are the same reasons adults do. Loss, significant life changes, body image, bereavement, pressure to achieve at school, transitions, difficult social relationships all can lead to mental health issues and are way more likely to happen that child abuse in that these things are part and parcel of every child's life, even in a secure, safe home.

Children and be singled out within a family and it's awful that happened to @bento but it doesn't mean that has happened to you. In the absence of any evidence of abuse (again actual evidence not 2+2=5 from random internet people), you run the risk of questioning every single relationship in your life, possibly damaging the very structures in place to keep you safe, on the word of someone who doesn't know you and can't possibly say that you're unsafe.
 
I would urge you to conduct an experiment. See how you feel when you're away from your family.

I get the exact same results from this experiment.

Problem? I come from a really amazing family, and had a pretty dang golden childhood. There's no history of abuse or neglect anywhere in my family. Are they perfect? Hell no! But both individually, and as a whole, they're all of them solidly good people.

In point of fact, some of the flooding relief of being on my own (now as an adult) or excitement of being on my own (as a teenager/young adult) is because of how well I was raised; by very loving & child centric people. It's called secure attachment.

There are other pieces as well (personality, preference, PTSD, etc.); but the point being? Trying to reverse engineer abuse? Is a very dangerous thing.

It's one thing to already know there's abuse present and follow it to see ABC. It's another to see ABC, and decide that means there must be abuse.

It's a lot like if I tell someone they need to get their arm cut off if they've got a fever. Ummmm??? :O_o: Well, that's actually damn good advice if they have a fever from gangrene, removing the gangrenous limb will save their life. It's not good advice if they've got strep throat, or malaria, or a cold, or heat stroke, or a ruptured appendix... Or any of the hundreds of causes of fever.
 
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I get the exact same results from this experiment.

Problem? I come from a really amazing family, and had a pretty dang golden childhood. There's no history of abuse or neglect anywhere in my family. Are they perfect? Hell no! But both individually, and as a whole, they're all of them solidly good people.


In point of fact, some of the flooding relief of being on my own (now as an adult) or excitement of being on my own (as a teenager/young adult) is because of how well I was raised; by very loving & child centric people. It's called secure attachment.

@Friday, that's awesome you experienced that. I can say I felt the same way when I got out
on my own, and I did not have the same good fortune having a solid loving family as yourself.

But the feeling I was talking about was not relief at being on my own, nor the excitement of it, it was the profound relief at not being harmed in whatever stolen moments I could garner. It was the sense
of self that was absent when I was always on high alert. Of course I took this information to
trained professionals who helped me sort it out, which is what I'm suggesting here.

There are other pieces as well (personality, preference, PTSD, etc.); but the point being? Trying to reverse engineer abuse? Is a very dangerous thing.

I would urge you to conduct an experiment. See how you feel when you're away from your family.
Even if it is in the library or in the back yard for a few stolen moments. Somewhere safe. Do your symptoms start to abate at all? Again, finding a good therapist who really gets you and your history is important because you need to have in person support in case your memories start flooding back.

I don't consider suggesting taking a few moments away from family in a library or in the garden
to check in about internal state, and taking this info to a good therapist to sort things out is
reverse engineering abuse. I was concerned that the following red flags be given their due
process so to speak: frequent urinary tract infections with accompanying pain, bleeding, etc.
afraid at 2 and 3 of being washed by parent, father staring too long, back massages going too
far, extreme reaction to being touched. Right, these could be a case of autism or other disorder,
but they also point to abuse. Both of these possibilities need to be evaluated by trained professional.
I also think it reasonable to suggest that getting another opinion outside of the families
influence is a good approach.

It's one thing to already know there's abuse present and follow it to see ABC. It's another to see ABC, and decide that means there must be abuse.

It's a lot like if I tell someone they need to get their arm cut off if they've got a fever. Ummmm??? :O_o: Well, that's actually damn good advice if they have a fever from gangrene, removing the gangrenous limb will save their life. It's not good advice if they've got strep throat, or malaria, or a cold, or heat stroke, or a ruptured appendix... Or any of the hundreds of causes of fever.

Hardly what I'm suggesting:
If you can find someone you trust who has a holistic view of mental health, instead of the
prevailing biological/medical model, you could start to unpack some of what seems to be
a tremendous load of difficult memories or experiences. Get as much genuine support as
you can. Repressed memories can come flooding back very quickly and can be very
overwhelming.

Please keep reaching out until you find the help you need. You'll definitely need to find someone
with experience in your type of concerns, because what you've experienced seems quite
protracted. Very best of luck!!!



My dad is already abusive (verbally).

idn't pay attention to me as a kid. My dad a little too much, my mom not at all. This caused horrible stress in myself because I love her very much but I felt she never cared for me. I tried running away and sleeping outside because she made me so upset. (She eventually changed and now we're best pals)
2. Dad touched me a lot but I thought it was normal.
3. Unexplained money or lots of toys, being spoiled too much as a kid.

If my sister is visiting from college, my stress and vigilance is up x2. I have to be on alert if both of my parents are home, even my mother, even though she is my "safe" parent. (It's confusing because she helps me and loves me but she's constantly yelling at me and making me so stressed I feel sick. I don't talk about this because it's 'normal' for a parent to tell you to do things. It's just the manner she does it. Makes me sick with fear).

Just including a few more red flags that COULD be indicative of abuse that I saw from this poster.
While I agree, that as that COULD be indicative of abuse that I saw from this poster.
I have been in support groups for people with PTSD and attended countless 12 step groups.
My experience is nothing more than my experience, but I stand by what I stated earlier, I haven't met anyone yet who has "gone crazy" that hasn't experienced or witnessed abuse, trauma or neglect. Doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, I simply wanted to share my experience and observations
in case it might be helpful.

Again, I've suggested three different times that these experiences should be taken to
a trained professional. Not trying to play doctor here, just wanted the OP to know that it is
possible that her symptoms could be indicative of abuse. And I'll add that I've witnessed
some miracle "cures' for people who were able to get away from their abusers. Does that
mean the same will be true of the OP? Only a trained mental health professional can
make that determination. But, again, this poster has mentioned a large number of red flags
that most would consider indicative of a real possibility of abuse. IMHO it is in her best interest
to pursue treatment with a professional who could help her with repressed memories in case
this is her situation.
 
That sounds perfectly reasonable for a young person with autism. Most young people I know with autism h...

Yes, as well as for a young person who has been traumatized


I'd completely disagree with @bento thal all children with mental health issues have experienced abuse or neglect. That is their experience but it's not universally true. Young people can and do develop anxiety, depression etc for lots of reasons - many of which are the same reasons adults do. Loss, significant life changes, body image, bereavement, pressure to achieve at school, transitions, difficult social relationships all can lead to mental health issues and are way more likely to happen that child abuse in that these things are part and parcel of every child's life, even in a secure, safe home.

Agreed, mental health issues can arise from these types of triggers. But OP is presenting with
autism, schizophrenia , severe self harm, etc. Normal secure safe homes plus TYPICAL
significant life changes do not result in the types of behavior described. OP listed a number
of serious concerns:
family and friends suggesting possibility of sexual abuse
physical symptoms often related to abuse e.g. severe UT infections, stomach pain, etc
witnessing father's ongoing abuse of cat
extreme indifference from mother
verbal abuse from both parents
called fat by father after gaining weight despite having been hospitalized for being severely underweight
fighting everyday and getting presents everyday from father
long stares from father, uncomfortable touching from father
severe reactions to being touched

I was responding to these red flags by suggesting that she find a mental health professional that
could help her sort out what is going on. The possibility of repressed memories of abuse
seems quite possible given the level of dysfunction in family described here by OP

Some families function by having an "identified patient" a fairly well described phenomenon in
Family Systems Theory. While it's true, I am a "random internet person", I don't think my
experience is any less valid than anyone's else's here. Given the number of red flags posted
by OP, I don't believe suggesting that she reach out to a mental health professional to
explore these issues and be prepared if memories of repressed abuse surface was a 2+2=5
type of conclusion. IMHO the OP's family as described does not sound like a safe structured
place. But perhaps I'm missing something here.

I'll leave you with the following quote from John Briere, renowned traumatologist, not a random
internet person.
-----“If we could somehow end child abuse and neglect, the eight hundred pages of DSM (and the need for the easier explanations such as DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis) would be shrunk to a pamphlet in two generations.”


Food for thought
 
@bento - more food for thought: when you encourage people to believe that they may have repressed trauma? Their brain will oblige. With facts or fiction.

What you’re doing? Is plain old dangerous.
 
@bento - more food for thought: when you encourage people to believe that the...

I think we're arguing semantics here. I'm not advocating that anyone dig into something that's
not there. I'm talking about what has been already presented by OP possibly leading to
memories that are currently not being mentioned. Sometimes there is just too much to remember
and it can drop off the radar. That is totally different than trying to plant or suggest memories.
I am NOT an advocate of hypnotic suggestion or rooting around for abuse memories based
on vague symptoms.

What concerned me were the concrete mentions of abusive behavior. If OP was a women
wondering aloud if she was in a DV situation, I think the responses likely be in the affirmative
based on the abuse of the cat, frequent verbal abuse, daily fights and presents, ridicule after
being hospitalized for being severely underweight, multiple physical symptoms that are often
indicative of severe stress.

I am suggesting that OP go to a qualified mental health professional with the memories that
she is consciously aware of. And that she find someone who is experienced with child
abuse IN CASE she has that situation.

I frankly think it is dangerous to discount the seriously dysfunctional behavior being displayed
by OP's family as well as the concerns expressed by some family and friends that there has
been sexual abuse.
 
@bento - I wasn’t even close to talking about hypnosis. What you’re doing? Is suggesting that it could be trauma. You’ve gone to some length elaborating on that suggestion.

It’s pretty well established that even the mildest suggestions (and yours isn’t exactly mild) can result in false memories.
 
witnessing father's ongoing abuse of cat
Read again what the OP said about the cat, because I am not sure where you got ongoing abuse of a cat out of that
I would break things or rip up my room or kick my cat (I know it sounds awful. I saw my dad do it as a child and I thought that's how you get rid of your anger)
That doesn't sound like ongoing to me.

fighting everyday and getting presents everyday from father
long stares from father, uncomfortable touching from father
People give gifts when they feel bad, and parents give gifts to their children. Some people find what one person considers to be normal affection uncomfortable. I think the question here is if the OP expressed that to their father and asked them to stop. The "long stares," and saying "I made beautiful Kids (note the plural) sounds like a proud parent.

physical symptoms often related to abuse e.g. severe UT infections, stomach pain, etc
Look at the OP's history of hygiene and tell me how they could not get UTI's from that. It is unavoidable with those kind of hygiene issues.

I am not saying that everything the parents did is ok. There does sound like there is some dysfunction going on, but the concern here is whether sexual abuse occurred when there is no memory of it. Calling your kid fat is not good parenting can can cause damage but it is a far cry from sexual abuse. Most of the Op's so called signs can be attributed to other causes. So, without any actual memories of sexual abuse no one can say one way or another and for you to insist that it sounds like there is could be more damaging to the OP.

No where could I find that family and friends suggested sexual abuse. I have looked at multiple threads by the OP for that. Can't find it so if you don't mind quoting that part for me, I would appreciate it.
 
Read again what the OP said about the cat, because I am not sure where you got ongoing abuse of...

"I saw my dad do it as a child and I thought that's how you get rid of your anger"


A while back the question arose of "what I molested/sexually abused as a child?" but passed it off as a delusion. After talking with family and friends, they brought it up. I really think something happened.

Fighting everyday and giving gifts everyday
Name calling "fat" after weight gain when OP had been hospitalized for being dangerously
underweight
Stated ongoing verbal abuse from both parents

Some of the other symptoms are very often indicative of abuse, but are by no means conclusive.
Again, I have suggested OP take everything she has stated here to a competent mental
health professional to get it all sorted out.

I agree with everyone's opinion, I DON'T know what is happening. But I will also add
that neither does anyone else know for certain that what is happening is NOT abuse.
I have stated multiple times that there are a number of red flags stated by OP that are
indicative of abuse.

And, like I suggested three times previously to OP and also several other times to those who
have responded.....OP needs to seek out the qualified opinion of a professional mental health
counselor or psychologist to make a determination
 
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