Constant Anxiety...

[eugenia]

Hello... glad I found this forum. I've ben searching for help from other people and haven't had much luck... my case is a very strange case.

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I. In the middle of a manic stage, I had a panic attack which induced a few traumas I can't get rid of. It was fine for two and a half years when I felt safe, but now it's back and I can't do anything. I'm literally afraid to think or do anything.

Basically... arousal with the wrongest things. Uncontrollable arousal. It's disgusting. I'm not a sexually active person so it's very uncharacteristic. Disgusting and rude thoughts. Hurting people and being unable to stop it. Panic, panic, panic. Flashbacks that sink me in deeper to the anxiety. Hurting a lot of people and making it worse with my behavior... My whole mind is a mess, and I can't face the outside world without this thing going away.

I try to practice the mindfullness/grounding exercises, but I guess I have so many things in my mind, I always end up going to negative thoughts. I'm at a point where I don't even know myself anymore. I try to ask family, therapists, anyone for help... everyone refuses to give me advice. I have no idea what to do.

Should I face my fears until I get used to them? Should I distract myself with other things and avoid my problems? Should I go to work, even though I know it will be a disaster?

Sorry for the wall of text...

 

[RussH]

Hi Eugenia, welcome to the forum. I am confident you will meet others here on the forum that will be able to relate to you, and perhaps help you find some answers.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

If I were you I would get into therapy with a therapist and a psychiatrist who could put you on the right medication. My son was bi polar and when he was on his meds he was quite a nice guy. But the problem is that as soon as he felt better he would go off his meds. I would find a therapist that would really be in a position to help you asap.

If the therapist you find does not help you get another therapist and keep looking until you find one that does.

The only one who can help you now is you and you do need help and my heart goes out to you.

Now get on the phone and make appointments. Call a crises hot line. Take really good care of yourself.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

If the therapist you find does not help you get another therapist and keep looking until you find one that does.

Totally. You need to find someone who wants to give you the right advice (I don't get why the therapist you have now doesn't want to, doesn't sound like a very professional therapist).

Should I face my fears until I get used to them? Should I distract myself with other things and avoid my problems? Should I go to work, even though I know it will be a disaster?

Try to avoid putting yourself through a torture. You probably know more or less what you can, and cannot handle. If it's way too much to confront the fear, then don't. If it's way too much to go to work, then don't, if you can afford to. If you think that you can manage until you see a therapist, well you could get through with it. But care for yourself first.

 

[Justmehere]

What do you mean by hurting other people?

Have you called your doctor and discussed your bipolar meds? Even the act of acting everyone you know for advice is possibly a little manic and it would probably be good to get reassessed regarding medications. Possibly even a second opinion. And soon, in light of how much you are fighting these symptoms.

Otherwise, keep grounding and using mindfulness (like noticing what is around you) again and again. It will work better over time.