Dealing with delayed response

[tiler]

Sounds unbearable and difficult.

when my body goes into terror mode and I feel powerless and out of control, various things have helped me. Like:
talking out loud. Hearing my adult voice really really helps to ground me in the here and now.
stroking my arms or hugging myself,
playing with something tactile (I used the cats toys or a little stone a friend got me).

those little gentle things helped. Trying to find ways to believe that you’re ok, that you’re safe, that you do have control.
it’s not easy and it definitely isn’t instant, but practice helps.

I will try and do some of these things, thanks.

It’s not really possible unless I’m very prepared, but I don’t know when it’s going to happen.

Often I’m screaming really hard and uncontrollably . Or sometimes I collapse and all my muscles get heavy and I become paralysed, my body starts having involuntary muscle contractions and my eyes roll back in my head.

It’s weird because I’m not actively thinking about or remembering the trauma -but my body is.

The screaming fits can turn into a panic attack. Last time I phoned my partner and just got him to talk at me about anything and that eventually calmed me out of it.

I’ve tried looking around the room and naming things which sometimes helps, but I need to do that quickly before it goes full blown crazy.

 

[shimmerz]

Similar to what my responses used to be. I am very sorry you are going through this @tiler.

 

[Sideways]

Often I’m screaming really hard and uncontrollably . Or sometimes I collapse and all my muscles get heavy and I become paralysed, my body starts having involuntary muscle contractions and my eyes roll back in my head.

It sounds like your T might be moving too quickly through processing. Might be worthwhile spending a bit more time on stabilisation.

 

[Friday]

My T wants me to talk about the trauma so that I have narrative. I agree this would potentially be helpful, although I do think I have a narrative in my head already, I just haven’t spoken about it to anyone, so I’m not sure that doing that would be any more helpful.

Main issue though is that I have a delayed response to trying to do the talking. So during therapy I can mostly answer direct questions about it if they are focused on a particular area and if they are closed questions. Open ended questions are more tricky for me, I hate them.

But when I do disclose something, I don’t feel anything really during the session. Afterwards, I get easily triggered and start having flashbacks which are really hard to ground from. I’m basically reenacting the trauma and it’s really not very nice.

Why the delayed response, and how do I stop that happening so that I get an actual response when I am talking about it so that I’m aware of when I’m saying too much or is too much for me to handle?

When my trauma is fully processed, I can talk about it, for ANY length of time or detail (casual mention, without being hit by a tsunami then or later; or all durn day, without even emotional exhaustion much less worse)… when it’s not? I suffer the consequences.

So, yep! Talking about it, and managing the consequences that follow, is an incredibly useful skill set to learn.

For myself? It helps to think of it AS a skill. Like learning how to shorten panic attacks, and recover faster, is a skill. Neither? In an of themselves? Will process the trauma, or make everything better. Instead? They’re both pieces, and a durn good barometer, of how well some traumas are processed. In addition to just making my LIFE better. Trauma processing CAN take a helluva long time (or not). Skills, meanwhile? Can be deployed, right here, right now, no matter how long the rest of it takes.


ETA HUGE 2nd to both being open about how much you’re destroyed after the fact & going too fast.

 

[tiler]

Is there a chance, a possibility, that you can - rather than focus on the flashback, try to focus on your need at the time? What or who could have helped you feel safe? What could have happened differently that would have changed the outcome to 'not a trauma'? What could have been done to help you feel empowered afterwards? Rather than going into the past - can you look at what would have been healthy and once you have that in place then tell him what happened?

This is interesting, how would it work in terms of using it in session to help? Do you mean when I talk about the trauma I also talk about what I think should have happened to make it less traumatic?

 

[tiler]

When my trauma is fully processed, I can talk about it, for ANY length of time or detail (casual mention, without being hit by a tsunami then or later; or all durn day, without even emotional exhaustion much less worse)… when it’s not? I suffer the consequences.

So, yep! Talking about it, and managing the consequences that follow, is an incredibly useful skill set to learn.

For myself? It helps to think of it AS a skill. Like learning how to shorten panic attacks, and recover faster, is a skill. Neither? In an of themselves? Will process the trauma, or make everything better. Instead? They’re both pieces, and a durn good barometer, of how well some traumas are processed. In addition to just making my LIFE better. Trauma processing CAN take a helluva long time (or not). Skills, meanwhile? Can be deployed, right here, right now, no matter how long the rest of it takes.


ETA HUGE 2nd to both being open about how much you’re destroyed after the fact & going too fast.

In practicing it as a skill I assume you mean, just talk about it and deal with the consequences and eventually it will bring fewer consequences. Like exposure therapy for the actual flashbacks rather than the trauma?

This is hard, in relating it to the panic attacks. I have learned how to shorten panic attacks through having so many of them and I guess that’s the same thing. But…..it doesn’t stop the panic attacks.

I don’t want to just cope with the after effects I want to rid myself of the after effects.

I guess I just want to have never gone through this trauma and I am no longer able to block it out as I was before it was triggered and I’m really pissed off about that.

Also, I don’t know how emdr is going to work for me anymore because I won’t be able to identify my SUDS given that I don’t really feel anything during the session. Does this happen for anyone else, or does everyone else feel emotions which ‘tell’ them whether they should stop talking or keep talking?

 

[tiler]

ETA HUGE 2nd to both being open about how much you’re destroyed after the fact & going too fast.

In terms of going too fast, I do just kind of want to get it over with, and although the effects are really hard to deal with….i can technically deal with them. And if it helps me get this trauma processed quicker I’m probably better just pushing through it, rather than prolonging it?

 

[shimmerz]

I’m probably better just pushing through it, rather than prolonging it?

Perhaps. I pushed myself harder than most Ts wanted me to. It didn't always work out well. There is a reason these things are walled off via dissociation. There is something that you are being protected from. Maybe ask T what the plan is? Does T know what is happening to you afterwards?

Do you mean when I talk about the trauma I also talk about what I think should have happened to make it less traumatic?

Something like that. A little more like understanding what your needs were so you can rewrite the event in your brain, but also to build an awareness of your needs moving forward.

Just as an example, I was terrorized in my house and well, everywhere for about 3 years. They used the alarm to terrorize me. I never knew what was going to happen when that alarm went off, but I always knew it was going to be terrifying. I had bought the alarm system. I carried that with me for years. How utterly idiotic I was for purchasing the very thing that they used to terrorize me. I triggered badly over every siren because of that alarm for years.

As I was going through the process of my needs around this, I recognized that had it not been for that alarm system, I would not have had a heads up that they were going to target me that day. So the alarm was actually a good thing. It warned me that something was coming. Had I not paid for that alarm, who the heck knows when and what was going to happen.

So needs around the trauma can be helpful to see that we actually took care of our needs or that the shame around something was not really ours. In order to get to that there is a need to look at what alternatives there were around the event.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[Sideways]

I’m probably better just pushing through it, rather than prolonging it?

I think a lot of us here will relate to wanting to get it over with, rip the bandaid off approach!

Unfortunately, if you push too hard or too fast, you end up just retraumatising yourself rather than processing your trauma. Which is one of the reasons why trauma-focused therapies have such a big focus on safety and stabilisation prior to processing, and then throughout the process.

 

[Friday]

n practicing it as a skill I assume you mean, just talk about it and deal with the consequences and eventually it will bring fewer consequences

That would be lovely. No. That’s not how trauma works, IME. It means a HUGELY active role/participation, very much in the moment. Not something that happens on its own.

his is hard, in relating it to the panic attacks. I have learned how to shorten panic attacks through having so many of them and I guess that’s the same thing. But…..it doesn’t stop the panic attacks

Have you gotten them so short they last half a breath, and barely pause your step? With zero consequences to follow? If not? You can. It’s the ONLY benefit I know to having scores of panic attacks, daily. They take maybe 3 minutes out of my day, all told. When a single panic anttack, after months/years free of them, can eat a week -hours in it, days to recover from- without blinking.

I guess I just want to have never gone through this trauma and I am no longer able to block it out as I was before it was triggered and I’m really pissed off about that.

You won’t, once it’s processed. No more than wanting to never wear the socks on your feet. As it matters that much to you. It’s “just” something that happened, a long time ago. Not something with teeth. Not something that still hurts you. Not something you wish you’d never experienced. Celery. Socks. A random cloud in the sky. THAT is how much it will impact you, now. Once it’s processed. Until then? <low whistle> We reap the whirlwind. PROFOUND effect, in the now, from the seeds of the past.

 

[Gregula5000]

In terms of the delayed reaction, it’s very much a reenactment which I’m not in control of rather than an emotional thing. The only emotion is terror.

My body starts reenacting the trauma. It’s kind of unbelievable what happens and I have very little control of it.

This happens to me as well.