Relationship Dealing With Girlfriend Who Has Ptsd

[WanderingChef]

Hi. Apologies if this is in the wrong area, mods please move it if necessary.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. She was diagnosed several years before we started dating, and made me aware of her diagnosis pretty early on. Her issues come up through the winter time, as her traumatic event was almost losing a friend in a bad car crash in the snow. It gets especially bad when there's any snow in the forecast, and it becomes very difficult to deal.

There's no threatening, no violence, but we've been fighting near-constantly for months. We don't live together, but we've been starting to talk about moving in. We've almost broken up several times, but are both determined to make this work. She says I don't understand her problems, and this is my way of trying to fix that.

She was in therapy for a year after the event, but hasn't seen any therapist in years, nor was she ever medicated. I am myself in treatment for depression (meds and therapy). She has said in the past that she thinks she should go back to therapy, but has never made any move to do so, saying she's too busy.

I'm just starting to realize that this is a problem I need to learn how to deal with if this is going to move forward. I just don't know how.

 

[Bilby]

WanderingChef, there is a book called "The PTSD Relationship" and I can highly recommend it. It's pretty cheap to download if you have a kindle.

I do think it's important that your girlfriend seeks therapy - it really is essential for those who are suffering from PTSD. It may involve many things, but hopefully it will also involve learning the tools she needs to better manage her symptoms.

I'm really glad you are in therapy yourself. I too have depression and anxiety and have been in therapy for a long time, and am also on medication. But I have learnt just how important it is to have the support there for yourself.

B x

 

[PeekieBlue]

Hi wanderingchef

Firstly I admire you for wanting to make things work and to support your girlfriend especially as you have problems of your own.

Please remember to take care of yourself though and never neglect your own wellbeing. That may sound selfish but remember, you cannot take care of someone else if you don't take care of yourself.

Sadly my 3 year relationship with my boyfriend who has combat PTSD has finally ended.
Unfortunately he suffers mood swings and anger rages (verbal not physical) and although he has recently started EMDR therapy things have reached boiling point and I can take no more.

Please encourage your girlfriend to seek help as without it sadly you will probably experience ongoing issues but be warned, therapy is extremely challenging and can make symptoms worse before healing begins.

My advice, keep supporting her, encourage her to get help but don't move in together until she has completed her therapy as it will take an even bigger toll on your relationship.
I wish you all the best and I hope it all works out for you. Take care.

PeekieBlue