Deep In Love With A Man With Ptsd That Mentally Cheats On Me

[Moecakes]

Yes I'm a 39yr old woman that is in a relationship and live together man that has PTSD. I'm feeling some kind of way because I don't know what to do because I love him so much.

He was my 1st boyfriend in middle school so when we graduated from high school he went into the Marines and I went into the Navy. So we lost contact until a little over two years ago and we got back together and been that way ever since. But what hurts is his cheating over the internet. I keep forgiving him and he keeps doing it and he says it's because he is bored and it had nothing to do with me it all him.

I need help because we barely have a sex life, where he is on the computer constantly with these different woman and or girls talking sexual to them and sending sexual pictures back and forth. Where we have never did that. I feel so disrespect and the trust is gone he say he stopped but all he did was change his passwords so that I won't know what he is doing. I need help with what to do.

I love him so much and don't want to lose him so I now go to counseling because I think it's something wrong with me. He use to go to counseling and taking meds for his mental health but he stopped. He's been cheating on me for the past year. The lies is crazy.

I'm tired of the sleepless nights and not trusting him on the computer. I feel like everytime he is on the computer that's what he is doing. I know it's not health to not want to do anything without him but what can I do so that it can stop. I feel like I'm losing myself and that's not good for me or my kids or his kids.

I thought I understood PTSD but maybe I don't . I need help.

He talks to these female like it's nothing. Calls them names that he don't call me. Describe sexual acts that we don't do. I feel like when we do have sex its because he got hot and bothered on the computer because if not it could be days or even weeks before he touch me.

What to do?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I highly suggest you look up your local Al-Anon meeting and get there to the next meeting.

They all come from lives dealing with addicted people and can provide you face to face comfort, support, hope...from experience.

Don't wait to save yourself, whether or not he gets better.

I'd highly suggest you Check your finances and do a credit report immediately. Chances are...the stuff you know is but a fraction of the picture. You should be able to flag your credit card companies and report to notify you whenever someone tries to charge to your account.

Identify safe allies you can trust and let them know you're dealing with this.

The shame keeps victims isolated and sick until they take on their addict's world view.

Call your local women's domestic abuse hotline and make and appointment. They at least can inform you of your legal options.

You're going to need help to get away from him.

You can NOT fix him. You did NOT cause his addiction.

YOU are NOT his cure. Assuming it never gets better than it is right at this moment, would you be ok living this pain over and over again until it kills you or you end up insane (or both?)

Save yourself. Before it is too late. You deserve so much better.

May you find comfort, support, and healing.

 

[AzureMind]

so I now go to counseling because I think it's something wrong with me. He use to go to counseling and taking meds for his mental health but he stopped. He's been cheating on me for the past year. The lies is crazy. I'm tired of the sleepless nights and not trusting him on the computer. I feel like every time he is on the computer that's what he is doing.

Alright.....the "Dark side" is about to emerge.....all my hood people know what I mean!! :mad:

FTW!!?? OMFG....MOM!! :eek:(I say mom because a respectable, woman with children of her own should be called such regardless of age) I don't even know where to begin with this! It just got "wrong" written all over it!! :eek: I feel so bad hearing you talk that way; Why are you in therapy for dealing with a man who you don't and feel you can't trust? I know you weren't raised that way, to deal with a ass-backwards man, like that! You are not the problem mom, NOT AT ALL ;) You and I both know that cheatin' is cheatin' I don't care HOW much they love you or how much you love somebody.....you don't just "lay down" and deal with somebody hurtin' you that way REAGARDLESS of their condition.....there are some lines you DON'T CROSS FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE AND KEEPING IT ALIVE MOM ;)

Look at this....you're dealin' with a man that makes you feel like you gotta "Indian Give"...giving your heart only to feel later on like you gotta take it back to keep it safe should NOT be in your gameplan mom, no (shakes head) If you give it to someone they should (REGARDLESS of their condition; because as an adult it's YOUR job to know YOUR condition and to be responsible for it, not using it against a person to justify your misdeeds....which by the way is HELLA LOW MOM!!) have the ability to protect it and if they know they can't,allow them to do you the favor of bowing out RESPECTFULLY rather than being online, and sweet-talkin' some other chicks...(I'm a GUY btw, just lookin' at the situation as a MAN should because that shit is WRONG...GROWN ASS MEN DON'T DO SHIT LIKE THAT 4real; I don't care HOW bad their manhood is hurtin' ;)) when YOU THE MAIN ONE IN NEED OF IT? Oh mom....I have PTSD (I'm 22) and I would NEVER use that to hurt my partner.....no, no....that :poop: is WRONG....omg,what kinda person COULD do that? Ok, look ma, there comes a point where you gotta put things into perspective....this is one of those times when your man just got some stuff he needs to deal with MINUS YOU.....it's draggin you down mom, I don't like that....no.....

Mom, you're being disrespected, and the writing's on the wall....you gotta look at it for your own sake, and YOUR KIDS SAKE as well; What y'all had, might not BE what it is TODAY, and I'm so sorry that that's the case, but I mean, you can't want your kids to be like that when they grow up because that really only keeps the cycle going....it's like they see what you put up with, and they think "'well, mom did it, so it must be right on SOME level?"

Mom, no....don't do that to them......Now, his kids, are really (unfortunately) HIS STORY; I hope to god they see the light, and realize you don't do that to people, but you gotta look out for yours FIRST.....

If you put therapy on the table, and he's not willing to continue it, if you've brought your grievances to the table and laid them out for him, and he don't do right by you still, then mom, it's that time to DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO....and I think You and I know what that is..... I ain't sayin he's a bad dude, and ain't got no good qualities about him, but no ma...he is a man in need of his space....apparently MUCH NEEDED if he can't handle what you bring to the table ;)

"Gamble on a good lady, and GUARANTEE on loosing her"....never forget that mom....EVER.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Oh my gosh, girl! First of all I want to give you a (((hug))). It seems that alot of us have this desire to hold on. Even if the situation is so bad it makes us physically or mentally ill. I have been one of those people my whole life.:oops: Maybe it is just my experience but it has never, never gotten better by me taking the blame or letting someone treat me badly. The abuse just got worse and worse. I just felt like less and less. I didn't deserve it and neither do you. You do need to make a decision to put your foot down and tell him that this is not something you are going to stand for. You need to let this man (term used losely) know that you are worth more than that. First and most important in this is: YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU! I know it's hard! It is possible though because I am doing it for the first time. If I can do it you can too.:tup:

 

[Nicolette]

You and I both know that cheatin' is cheatin' I don't care HOW much they love you or how much you love somebody.....you don't just "lay down" and deal with somebody hurtin' you that way REAGARDLESS of their condition.....there are some lines you DON'T CROSS FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE.

The above quote from AzureMind pretty much sums up my thoughts.

Be very careful as, from what you are saying, you will soon be saying sorry for his cheating...... it is projection, manipulation and betrayal and you deserve so much better.

I cannot think of one logical reason to fathom how you are responsible for his porn "addiction". It can be a symptom of PTSD but if that was my other half's symptoms it would be the end of the relationship for me. Do not accept any blame and please don't go to therapy working out what you did wrong - you need to be working out how to let go and move on IMHO. Your partner's behavior is repulsive and disgusting if you ask me, showing no respect for you whatsoever.

 

[Nicolette]

PS.... you may be deeply in love but I don't read that it is being returned as that is not how you act or treat someone you love! :(