Undiagnosed Definitely meet criteria for CPTSD, but scared of therapy

[BuildingSelf24]

"Therapy" with a witless incompetent? Harm. Someone GOOD at their job? Invaluable.

I should probably hope for the latter option but it feels so icky to hope for the better option even though it’s what I want. I should probably try to figure out why I feel that way. Feeling hopeful is so hard these days.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

Get the wounds out of you body by speaking about them

Thank you! I haven’t wanted to talk about my wounds at all. Hopefully I can get through that barrier or find a therapist willing to work through my apprehension.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I’m low key terrified of being misdiagnosed as BPD or bipolar etc. I know myself; my sense of self is stable. I have a stable marriage. I don’t overspend, I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs.

I’ve taken a lot of online tests (I know, that’s not a replacement for a professional.) I might consent to speaking with a credentialed Psychiatrist or Psychologist. Not certain, though.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I’m low key terrified of being misdiagnosed as BPD or bipolar etc. I know myself; my sense of self is stable. I have a stable marriage. I don’t overspend, I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs.

I’ve taken a lot of online tests (I know, that’s not a replacement for a professional.) I might consent to speaking with a credentialed Psychiatrist or Psychologist. Not certain, though.

I felt the same way back when the symptoms first got really bad. I was really afraid that I would be labeled as schizophrenic and locked in a mental institution, hopped up on meds.

I think being here and reading psych books are opening me up to the idea of therapy. I’m not crazy and qualified professionals wouldn’t think of me like that.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I felt the same way back when the symptoms first got really bad. I was really afraid that I would be labeled as schizophrenic and locked in a mental institution, hopped up on meds.

I think being here and reading psych books are opening me up to the idea of therapy. I’m not crazy and qualified professionals wouldn’t think of me like that.

I had a *really* bad experience with therapy a long time ago so I’ve shied away ever since. Maybe if the Psychiatrist or Psychologist does therapy or can recommend a vetted, credentialed (trauma informed!) therapist. Idk. I did some internet recon hunting for a shrink and the ones in my area seem to be egregiously money-hungry and some other disturbing problems.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

I had a *really* bad experience with therapy a long time ago so I’ve shied away ever since. Maybe if the Psychiatrist or Psychologist does therapy or can recommend a vetted, credentialed (trauma informed!) therapist. Idk. I did some internet recon hunting for a shrink and the ones in my area seem to be egregiously money-hungry and some other disturbing problems.

Yikes! Maybe looking for a therapist online would be better if the ones in your area are sketchy. I think a trauma informed therapist is a must now. After my own experience, I think only therapists trained to deal with trauma can really understand and provide the tools we need.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

Yikes! Maybe looking for a therapist online would be better if the ones in your area are sketchy. I think a trauma informed therapist is a must now. After my own experience, I think only therapists trained to deal with trauma can really understand and provide the tools we need.

Yo, this! If they aren’t trauma-informed it’s not going to work!

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I am scared too, they are right though, you can control who you stay with, leave, and choose to try.

I think it’s natural to be scared of it. It isn’t helpful but it isn’t new. I thought I would never do it before joining. Now I’m not as sure.

I think being here and reading psych books are opening me up to the idea of therapy

Small bits at a time. I think you can get there.

I think only therapists trained to deal with trauma can really understand and provide the tools we need.

Definitely. You want help with trauma. You need someone who really knows about it properly.

 

[sidptitala]

Did anyone else feel the same like they couldn’t really reveal their emotional self?

Yes. When I was the same age as you I went to see a therapist and completely avoided talking about the 2 worst traumatic events. I went to this therapist for 2 years and kept feeling like my life would explode if I told her what I was avoiding saying. It wasn't until things got much, much worse that I could no longer hide these. I sometimes wonder if I had spoken about those things would things have gotten as bad as they eventually did. But also, I was living with my abuser at the time so my avoidance could have been wise too. So I relate to your fear, in a big way!

And I still have it- with every new therapist, every new dr, every new friend. It gets less hard over time though. It's really hard to open yourself to people when they've only hurt you, and trying to collect new experiences of people is a long and slow (and terrifying!) process. But it's worth it. I would just take tiny steps and allow yourself to be afraid, but also know that what you are most afraid of is sometimes a sign it's what you need the most.

 

[mszl]

Hi, welcome here! It took me some time to open up to someone. It was friend from university. One day I was looking really bad so he offered to listen. I hope you will find someone professional or not, to open up. Be gentle with yourself and don't force anything. Take care!

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I was going to try therapy but I found unburdening myself to my physician (I didn’t tell him *everything* but some cliff notes of my ahole mother’s torment and abuse of me,) has helped me tremendously. He offered me a box of tissues because I was trying not to cry. His special interest is mental health. Phew! I feel very safe to be completely honest with him and that’s huge (and rare for me.)

Also, unburdening myself here helps, too. Between going nc contact with my probable NPD (my biological father is very creepy in an unsettling way,) “parents” and talking with a close online friend of mine (we talk about our traumas and she has a keen intellect and has my back and I have hers.)

I’m never not going to have (c) PTSD but it’s basically manageable 90% of the time now. As long as I have strong boundaries, advocate for myself and come clean with my physician if the nightmares are a problem or what-have-you, and stay away from alcohol and drugs I think I’m as okay as I can be. :D

 

[LunaticOnTheFritz]

Been diagnosed...tried to get therapy but couldn't afford it, the therapist was useless because I'd already ingrained so many coping mechanisms there wasn't anything she could offer that I hadn't already done. She pushed me at a psychiatrist who didn't really listen to my story, just sent me on my way with 2 anti-depressant prescriptions. I wasn't depressed. I've managed for 58 years without ending up in a straight jacket and padded room. Lots of self care and one trip to a psych ward yrs ago. I'm still alive to talk about it and deal with it.

If you can afford therapy and find a good therapist, I would say go for it. It's a lot harder dealing with it alone and not everyone has the strength to do so.