Depth Psychotherapy

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hello,

I'm new here and have posted an intro. Tomorrow is I think my 4th therapy session. Thankfully it's right down the street so I can walk there even when I'm feeling at my worst.

It seems to be helping me immensely. I've been working through so much on my own just by telling her about what I've been through.

Lately, I've been noticing that I'm starting to recognize when I'm reliving trauma or in a flashback. I'm not recognizing it right away, but I eventually get to it. I'm also seeing where I'm manipulating my partner, not on purpose, but still. I think that's huge. I learned that growing up, etc. Also, I've been noticing that I'm giving myself self pep talks in my head. It is putting me in better moods. I didn't use to do this before because of low self esteem. The other day, I was able to tell my partner a boundary of mine, what I needed from him within reason, and I didn't feel bad about asserting myself. That is HUGE for me. It can only mean that therapy is working for me.

I've been keeping a dream journal for the nightmares. It seems to be helping me.

I had a few questions for some of you here. I just ordered the book, "I Can't Get Over It." Still waiting for it to come in the mail. Is that good to read while in therapy?

I haven't been able to sleep at night since starting therapy. My mind will not shut off. Is that normal?

What is therapy supposed to help me do ideally? Should I be asking my therapist that? She did say that she will help me learn to start trusting myself again.

Why can I not get motivated to do anything for myself? Is that because for so long, I was used to living life for someone else, helping them so I'm not used to motivating my own life's path?

When I'm in a conflict resolution discussion with my partner, I do notice when I'm applying feelings from the trauma to the present even though it feels like my mind is in the past. I get so frustrated because I seem to have memory loss while in the discussion. I can't remember what my point was, what his point was, what actually happened during the conflict. It makes it hard to get to the solution and I start crying because I'm so frustrated. Then the confusion sets in and I'm not even sure if my feelings toward the situation were even real in the first place. Is this normal for PTSD? Can therapy help me get to the bottom of this and stop doing it? I didn't used to...

Thanks for your help. Some of my questions could best be put in other places on this forum, but I thought it better to just make one post since I only started noticing these things coming out by being in therapy. I've never been in therapy before.

Jami~

 

[Lionheart]

Hurting,

I will try to answer your questions, but please realize all that I can share is my own experience as I am not a trained professional.

I would imagine that reading any good book could have benefits for you if you discuss any questions that arise with your therapist. (I am not familiar with the book that you mention and I would simply ask my "t' if he/she thinks it will be helpful for you).

What you are experiencing at bedtime that is keeping you from sleep is known as 'ruminating thoughts' and it is fairly normal to experience this because your mind is processing so much information.

Ideally, therapy should teach you how to be your own best therapist. It should also address issues such as control, trust, stress inoculation; dealing with flashbacks, dissociation, anxiety, depression etc., basically anything that you need to address can be handled in therapy.

I am guessing here, but I would imagine the reason for your lack of motivation is due to "learned helplessness'.
*(learned helplessness means a condition in which one has learned to behave helplessly, even when the opportunity is restored for them to help themselves).

It sounds to me as if you are having a bit of a flashback when you are in conflict resolution and therapy can help you to handle this.

As I have said, I am not an expert or professional so please discuss these questions with your therapist. I have had years of therapy and it has helped me enormously, I hope the same for you!!!!!

Lionheart

 

[Artfulone]

• Q....I haven't been able to sleep at night since starting therapy. My mind will not shut off. Is that normal?
• A.....Yes it is normal, as Lionheart said it is called ruminating. Ruminating is just going over and over things in one's mind. The mind has become stalled in a rut or ruts relating to the trauma or chain of traumas, which have not been processed. One can ruminate over the traumas directly or indirectly. Things that haven't been processed and completed are often rendered into the unconscious. The language of the unconscious is metaphor, so ruminating is just one way of reminding us that we still have work to do in processing past attachments and trauma. Ruminating tends to be cognitive and thought based and tends to avoid feeling as it is thinking, therefore ruminating is often used unconsciously to avoid getting stuck in the old un-processed feelings. All persons ruminate it is just common to do it to a clinical level symptom as part of depression/PTSD/ and other conditions.
• Q....What is therapy supposed to help me do ideally? Should I be asking my therapist that? She did say that she will help me learn to start trusting myself again.
• A.....Personally I would say that therapy is supposed to assist us in self actualisation; grounding and finding, owning and inhabiting our own centre of our own souls and lives; processing and creating meaning from trauma and attachment; becoming present in the here and now; accesing our own feelings and our our felt sense at any given moment; also for us to find and create closure and completion on past events and attachments.
• Q.....Why can I not get motivated to do anything for myself? Is that because for so long, I was used to living life for someone else, helping them so I'm not used to motivating my own life's path?
• Lack of motivation is often a central part of trauma and PTSD/ Complex Traumatisation for many people. It is often part of the somatic (bodily) and psychological make up of PTSDers. It often occurs more deeply when a symptoms of depression and hopelessness have been experienced over longer periods of time, one becomes more dysthemic, less grounded and less hopeful of a solution. Personally, my central coping strategy for oping with symptoms of lack of motivation is fractionation - fractionating the bodies of traumatic energy into smaller more digestable pieces, taking it one step at a time. This also applies to life tasks, such as housework, work/ employment, everyday tasks, etc.. If I take on too much, I easily become re-traumatised and encounter more symptoms, whereas if I work with smaller tasks and limit the number of tasks I am more likely to be able to focus more effectively, handle and hopefully enjoy or experience meaning from the task, and complete the task (or series of tasks), however long it takes for completion. I am also less likely to put myself down for failing, less likely to trigger old patterns of behaviour (psychological script/ schema and schemata). Thus I am creating a more dynamic sense of self and more dynamic and up to date coping strategies and script/ schemata. If you have been more focussed upon helping others and more focussed on other peoples live's and life issues (attachments and traumas) you may have been rescuing others and seeking to avoid your own pain and life traumas. This rescuing is often an unconscious way of reminding ourselves that we need fixing even though we may not yet admit it consciously. In therapy training and schools of thought it is often thought that the most effective therapeutic helpers are those who have become cosncious of their own motivations for helping others and have delt with or are actively involved in dealing with their own issues, attachments and life traumas. Essentially therapists are actualisation assistants assisting others in becoming aware of and owning their own life, their own responses to life and the ways to process past attachment and trauma.

I hope this makes sense and helps you Huting 2011. Best wishes on your path of hope, learning and un-learning, self actualisation and healing. P.s. try looking the term up on google or wikipedia.

 

[ronin47]

I'm so glad to hear therapy is going so well for you! That must be such a wonderful freedom!

Everyone is different and no two lives walk exactly the same path. What therapy is "supposed" to do for you is a question only you can answer. Discuss it with your T and maybe write down some goals, long and short term, for therapy.

I've never read that specific book that you mentioned but since it is (or so I would infer) a general discussion of PTSD and recovering from trauma, it could be less triggering than, say, an autobiography of someone with PTSD.

I also experienced some symptoms post-starting real therapy that I didn't particularly enjoy. I felt that I got angrier much more easily and that I was very defensive all the time. I also felt like I cried much more easily. Though they may not feel good, things like that are not uncommon in therapy and are signs of progress. They are only the end result if you stop therapy prematurely. If you stick with it they are but stepping stones to a far happier place than you ever thought possible.

It sounds like you are already doing so well in therapy. Build on that. Therapy is your time. Use it for anything and everything you want.