Developing New Symptoms, This Scares The Hell Out Of Me.

[gibrokedown]

the doctors all say it's more deterioration of my neurological system. sharp pains in my legs and feet, hands and arms, spasms so painful i need a bullet to bite on sometimes, my arms are starting to feel odd and I get dizzy all of the time, disoriented, and confused. i get these odd sharp pains in my temples and such and it's getting worse. my vision is decreasing at an accelerated rate, and my stomach hurts to bad i throw up nearly every day. I am so tired I sleep all day when my kid is in school and do only what i must to get back to bed at night. the doctors say my neurology is getting way worse and have suggested making a will, and living will very soon. but i have no one to take my daughter if i die. I went to the gulf war syndrome office to get tested and they turned me down! they said get your regular doctor to run the tests! WTF?! i have almost all of the symptoms, unless my brain is mimicking it. which is always a possibility. i get these weird rashes all the time now. just like the gulf war illness troops. i get pain that never stops in the side of my stomach just like them, exhaustion, vomiting, neuro issues, pain like you can't describe through your entire body. f*ck it. f*ck it all. f*ck everything. just f*ck it . f*ck it f*ck it f*ck it f*ck it. everything blows huge donkey chunks and it will til it takes my f*cking life. which obviously won't be too damn long. leaving my little one with out any parents or anyone to care for her. THANKS GOD YOU f*ckING DICK!!!!!!!! all the times you kept me alive and i shoulda been dead!!! then when i NEED to be alive for some one else you want me to die!!! f*ck YOU I WILL NOT GO WITHOUT A FIGHT~!! YOU ARE UP AGAINST ONE MEAN ASS BITCH IF YOU THINK YOU ARE TAKING ME FROM MY KID RIGHT NOW!!! a disabled mom with issues is better than no mom at all!!!! remember that GOD! whoever you are, whereever you, even if you are.
SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO READ THIS I HAD TO VENT HARDDDDDDDDDDDD! because this is just the very tip of the iceberg! the cherry on the biggest f*cking sundae you ever saw! the rest i can't even write it's so involved. legal issues, money issues, kid problems, worrying about cys, not being able to do my basic chores, my car having issues and got shafted out of my warranty because they used my brain against me, ptsd obviously, brain damage obviously, now i have found out i've had scoliosis my whole life and need to wear a f*cking brace! aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggg!! i'm not even done that's the joke of it all! if it were even what i wrote would be too much for the average bear. but the rest included would kill a normal person. why did you pile all of this on me god? am i in hell? is this pile of shit my penance? my eternal torture? because every day is eternal to me. f*ck it. it is what it is.

 

[dave1]

You don't need more pitty. Who ever said life was supposed to be fair? What would we learn if life were easy? I'm pretty thick headed. It took way too many years of beating it (my head) against the wall before I could here, "OK, you've tried doing it your way all these years, now you want to try it my way?" I had to give up trying to change things myself; all that was left for me to do was begin asking and trusting others for help (that included who I thought God was and what He wanted for me). You're in a hard place - let it change you.